thailand..??lonely~

well..2moro im goin to thailnad..finally~but..dunno y..i tot i'll b excited..who noes..nw the feeling tat im hvin..i dun feel like goin anywhere...well..2day i went to mv to catch a movie ''avatar'' wif my frens b4 i go to thailand...after the movie,guess who i run into..her parents n a lady..(p.s i dunno who is she but dunno y my feelings like tellin me its her mum or somthin...dunno..XS..)of coz i say hi to her mum..n dad as well of coz..im not tat bad..in fact..i love her parent even tho her dad's bit serious lookin...when i say hi to her dad..he doesnt seem to hv any reaction n i tot mayb its jus me bein sensitive..after i passed by them..1 of my fren told me tat he over heard her dad ask who is tat guy..well..when i heard bout it..i felt so dissapointed..i mean..yea,i noe tat even when im wif her,her dad jus doesnt seem to recognize me either but..dunno y i jus hv 1 feelin..am i really tat easy to bein 4gotten..mayb tats y she 4got bout our love as well..mayb i am really tat easy to be 4gotten...hmm..im gonna spend the end of tis year in thailnad..remember every year when its the time to step into a whole new year..we'll call each other n wish each other..yea..even tho in the end..it'll b a little fight goin on..but i still miss n hope tat time will come again..at least..at least i noe tat she loves me..2moro im goin to thailand..but..i really hope she'll miss me like the time when i went to redang island..tat was more fun n memorable compare wif tis nw..nw all i feel was lonely..its ntg fun at all...i miss the time she cares bout me..i miss the time she missed me..i miss the time when she told me she was worried bout me when the's a small earthquake happens...i..i really miss her to b bsides me...honestly..i miss u,baby...

dream and reality..

jus woke up...man,i had som bad dreams yesterday night..i mean not like those creepy bad dreams..but bad dream as in..its kinda hurt...i dreamt bout u..in the dream,we go bac to the scl time where we get to sit 2gether..play 2gether n hv funs...in the dream,i got kisses from u...even tho its jus on my face..but the feeling was so..so real..so real til it reminds me tat u've oreadi left..all i got was jus dream...i dunno y...but i still love u so so much...i jus cant held it...y...y do u left..y cant u stay..y all i hv is jus dream..not reality..i jus hope to hug u..touch ur face...hold ur hand...love u...but all i can get is jus in my dream...ntg but dreams...i cant hear ur laughter..no love...no ntg but a lonely freak...

merry christmas~!!!!

well,jus come bac from the christmas party at a church...tis party really get me high up..i mean..its so so so different..ppl in there r like so friendly..no matter who u r..as long as they meet u,they'll jus say hi n talk to u..my god..they dance..sing..act..yea..they hv some drama goin on..but 1 thing i dun really like is..they keep saying tat how good is jesus n keep ask us to blive..well,i din say tat i dun blive..jus tat..i enjoy the party part more..^^..well,its quite fun actually..hmm..after X'mas,the time where im goin to thailand is gettin nearer...cant wait til tat time..so fun~~~^^merry christmas every1~~n a happy new year!!!!wowowowow~~~~

boring~~~so damn boring...dunno wats the purpose of writing anymor...no1 come in n visit...no more laughter..no ntg...haizz...still dunno y things will happen til like tis...god..cant u jus give me a little bit of sign??haizz...i still miss u so much...but..where r u nw...

lets get MARRIED~~~~

well,jus come bac from mamak stall wif my bloved best frens...well,wat i can say is..tis week..really is a quite surprising week...saw titty...nearly been robe again..n nw..here comes a really big 1...1 of my best fren is goin to get married on next year january 28th...haha..well,u guys can guess..but he's jus 1 year older than me...haizz...nvm..at least tis is the 1st time fren around me gettin married..bit excited tho...coz im gonna b the baby's god father...yea..''god father''...the word..u guys can oreadi guess wat happen...well..ntg much to say bout it..jus hope they can really b 2gether 4ever..at least jus 4 the kid sick..^^hmm..when i heard bout the news..it reminds me of us...we used to sign n engaged...yea...n we promised to get married when we r 28...remember..?i promise to wash all dishes,cook,n wash the toilet..n u...wash the clothes which u dun hv to coz there's somthin call washing machine,n mop the floor..hmm..funny ha...hmm...nvm...let me jus enjoy tis weddin of his..at least i think it'll b able to replace som of my wishes of gettin married wif u when i see both of them happily 2gether ever after...

finally..HOLIDAY~~!!!!

Finally,scl holidays started..n finally i pass up my econ assignment..lucky the lecturer din band my assignment..it was like 3k somthin words which he only wan 2k..hu..n finally i got my passport done..well..there was somthin happened tat day..it was 7 o'clock in the morning when me,my dad,sis n grandma reach there..we hv to renew my grandma's passort so tat she can cont stay in singpapore wif my uncle whereby me n sis hv to renew oso soz we r goin to thailand to countdown tis year~yay yay!!so happy..its time go out of land bsides than singapore..so excited..well,tats not the point..u noe wat i saw tat day..there was a piar of women,(i think..coz they look like a gua..)nvm..n u noe wat..one of them..din wear bra..jus wear a T-shirt...i mean..well..its ok la..if there's nth happen..coz nw my mind is quite open...(as if..haha!!)n while i was waitin to pay my bills,she was sitting there as well..waitin 4 her turn..n nw its the excited part..her..tits...i can see..so damn fuckin clear~!!!!!i mean..she mus b get excited or wat..it was like..my fucking god!!!!wat the fuck..come on...there was like so damn fucking many ppl...n u'r little titty is like so fucking obvious!!!do u mind..???there r kids around man..come on....n somemor its malay..yea right..suci kononnya...==....my god...if she's a pretty girl..then..acceptable..no..she is...not to say very very very ugly..but still..minus 2 very...haizz...nvm...n yesterday...i nearly got my hp being steal again...it was after scl..while i was waitin 4 the bus..when it came..i jus walk slowly to the station..it stop jus right in front of me..lucky~!!but when i look around..my god ppl r rushin..runnin at my position...nvm..its ok if im not the 1st to got up in the bus..b4 the bus open the door,an aunty suddenly turn bhind n point at me..i was like o.O..wat...wats wrong..but suddenly my feelings told me somthin happen..yea..i felt somthin move in my pocket..quickly i put my hand n press on my hp...tat time my hand was holdin my metal bottel as well...n when i turn around..i saw a malay guy...well dressed up..ha..yea..malay AGAIN!!!!SUCINYA~~~~!!!!tat time i was so fucking pissed n i wan to hit him wif my fist plus metal bottel(if he gets it..he'll cry man..i've been trainin n working out alot lately..)but when i wanna lift up my hand..guess wat..the bus door open..n those fuckin aunty start to push push push push.i mean..wat the fuck...the bus wont run away right...damn it...n tat guy run away..==..yiesh..haizz..tot i could hit som1 yesterday..but nvm..at least i still got my hp...tis is the last thing i had which common wif u...hmm..if i lost it..seriously..i lost everythin of our memories...i missed u so so much baby...tats y...start from nw on..my hp will b so so so precious...no1 can come near it..if not...prepare to taste my fist...hahaha!!!!nw gettin ready to go thailand..yay yay..thailand..here i come~!!!!

hmm...lookin at my life nw..i dunno wat word should i use to discribe bout it..miserable..??pathetic?ha..frens around are partnerin up...X'mas comin..still remember the promise we made to each other in tis year's X'mas?i bet u oreadi 4got bout it..after all..tis year's Xmas u'r either gonna celebrate wif him or u'r on duty..we suppose to b flyin together as promise..but sorry i cant do it..we use to promise each other tat we'll stay together til long...but sorry again coz i hvv to leave nw..im so sorry tat every these things happen..im so sorry tat i cant really do wat i promised u all along...im so so sorry..but there's one thing i'll oways put in my heart..n i guess this is the onli thing i'll do it as i promise..i love u,ruey ying til forever n eternity...looking at the star on the dark black sky..i'll oways remember the way u use to love me b4...the story bout us...the love between us...

it has been quite some time ever since i updated my blog...well..guess my life din turn out to be better..hmm..tis month im not gonna work as a tuition teacher yet coz all my classes will onli b startin on january..even tho tis may give me som freetim to rest but...hmm..seems like the free time tat i have jus gav me the feelin of emptiness...i cant control my mind of stop thinking of u..i still love u so much...every single song i hear..every single stuff i do..y...y my hands still shiverrin when i think bac tat u could jus hold my hand nw...everytim i hav to jus close my eyes...cover my face n cry to stop...sad..lonely its not the most frightenin things to me..but the thing i scared the most is u left..wat is love..listen,obligate,valued n excuse...but it seems tat these 4 words turn bac round btween us..both of us din hv a chance to listen to each other..obligate...but looks like stuff tat we did for each others cant b seen by us..we learn to valued each other..but the valued seems to b over tat it makes us suffer...we hv a lot of excuse to love each other...but the onli single excuse for us to leave seems to win all the excuses of love...i hate tat our love hav bcome a memories to us...i hate tat i cant b able to love u anymor...i use to feel so wonderful coz every single timei look at ur eyes..i felt so blessed coz i see the love light in ur eyes n the wonder of it all is tat u jus dun realise how much i love u...i oways wish to hug u so so tight...i oways hope to spend every single precious moment wif u...there no word for me to tell how much i love u...not even eternity can b represent...

hmm...jus come bac from hometown..my grandma gonna stay wif us for somtims to redo her passport...well..today was quite a day..i mean my beloved student..she went to ulu langat alone..by lrt n by taxi..my god..was worry of her..i mean..a girl..go so so far to jus meet her bf n apologize..haizz..hope tat guy will appreciate her...but her courage touched me..she reminds me of those crazy stuff i did..the courage i have when i was wif u..the bicycle..club..scl...hmm...girl..i missed u so much...hope everythin will get better...

every single touchin moment..there will b somthin..somthin which link ur heart together wif the scence..every single sad momnet..there will oways b somthin..somthin which caught ur heart n pull it down..n every single memories...there will oways b somthin..somthin which jus stay in ur mind..n jus live there selfishly without noticin u...but coz of tat selfishness...it makes it more perfectly memorable...

wat is bout life..after all..wats the reason we humans live in the earth..wat the reason of our life...a question i oways ask myself...oways tryin my best to find the answer..love..intelligent..faith...elligant..l.i.f.e....tats the 4 reason ppl livin nwadays..but tats not y im livin nw...im still findin 4 the reason..try to smoke..try to drink..try to life like how ppl do..but i found out tat..those r not my style..wat is my style..i dunno..wat i noe is..im still tryin very very hard to live..its very sufferin..very lonely of bein alone..but cant held to stop..once i stop..it'll b a big big distance btween the world n me...

news

well..dunno wats wrong wif the life lately..is it tat coz of my bad luck startin to spread around or wat..people around me keep on hvin problems...haizz..dunno wat to do actually..jus hope tat they will b happy n been thro every single problems..dun like me..no matter how long i took..im still standin at the same place..time never stops moving..so y do u...but if u asked me bac tis question..i....i dunno..mayb..tis time i really did kept my promise to love her eternity..i jus...love her..

relief..

finally..yesterday was my 1st batch of form 5 students went for spm math exam..hmm..quite worry bout their results tho..but i know they oreadi try their best in it...jus pray tat they din did any silly mistakes..hmm...lately still keep thinkin of u...yup..your family had gone bac to miri...remember the time b4..every end of the year..even tho its holiday..but we wont b meetin each other coz u hv to go bac to miri..last year was the last year i wish u good luck on the way to miri..still remember u went to work at ur uncle's shop..how worry i was...silly...hmm..somtims i wander.wat am i doin..y cant i jus appreciate somthin when i hv it..but somtims i jus confuse y cant i jus find every single solution for every single question...i feel so dissapointed bout my life...start to seein things in grey colour...hv no joy...no sadness..the deepest sorrow in the heart...i dunno wat to do anymor..jus..i lost the colourful life i used to have b4...nw..everything jus twisted bac to grey again...again the lonely me...

2012

today i went to midvally n watched the movie ''2012''..for the movie..of wat i can say is...nice..awesome..but it did scares me..i mean..every1's talking bout the end of the world..wat if it really happens in the year 2012..i mean we still hv like 2 more years..wat if tat time really happen stuff like tat in the movie or even worst..i dunno where to find a plane n i cant even fly it even if i found it..but if it really happens..the 1st thing im gonna do is find u..i jus wanna get u n run as fast as i could..i jus wanna make sure tat u'r safe even if i cant do anythin..but i'll jus run...run as fast as i could..to keep u safe at least..hmm..sadly..these days im still keep thinkin of u...funny huh...after such a long time..hmm..mayb u've 4got bout me..mayb u had thrown tat feelin far away..bt im still holdin it..jus holdin it...

a normal life...normal activities...no surprises..no nth...haizz..life lately is jus too normal..yea..mayb after been through some serious chaos..hmm...dun feel like carin bout anythin so much lately...thoughts hv bcome so negative jus incase anythin happen..at least im ready to protect myself...but no matter wat..i still cant change wat had oreadi happened...i hate it every time when i think bout it..i mean..y..when theres a path tat u can jus walk..but u dun take it...u think tat the path u'r walkin nw will b good enuf to train u...no way man..snap out of it...it doesnt even helps at all..hmm..but nvm...cant care so much nw..cant do anythin..pray inside my heart as god wont helps bsides than im the 1 who's helpin myself...changin every single dreams into reality is jus fakes...but changin every thing into thoughts..tats wat im suppose to do nw...the last love hv sent to u but u took it n throw it away...the heart is broken enuf n its time to pick up n stick it bac..its time..for me to stand up...

hmm..i was surprise by ur sudden call yesterday..n im even more surprise tat u'r jus near by my shop...u sound like there's spmthin troublin u...when u sound confuse in the phone whether to tell me bout it anot..my heart pounds...i was afraid tat somthin had happened to u...dunno y..til nw..i still cant control myself not to care bout u...after the whole chattin in macdonald..u said tat he's not happy n ask me to fetch u home straight...i dunno..yea..i might b a very tight mouth but...how do u aspect me to keep such a big secret...i mean..u r stayin in his house dude...!!!wat will ur parents react if somthin happen..???i was thought tat im jus illusionin as i oways feel tat u'r jus around...even tho u told me tat u'r stayin in nilai...but after yesterday..i noe i wasnt wrong...i noe u oreadi used to the ''got people care'' life style..u oreadi used to it whenever u nid somthin..its oreadi prepared for u..but..it hurts the most when everytim i think bac the facial expression of ur mom...she so hope tat u can b independant out there..she thinks tat tis is a chance for u to grow..but..i dunno...another word..yea..iif u wan tat kind of life..for wat u left..???me n ur family..for wat..???u din even grow at all...yes im still in love wif u but..sorry to tell u tat i guess im much more better than u nw...much much more..u'r way too bac girl...wats wrong wif u..wat the reason which hold u bac like tis...its not u..its seriously not u...like i said..its not tat u dun like tat i noe everything tat u wanna say..but u hate it coz u cant hide anythin from me as i really noe everythin..from the moment i see ur eyes...listen to ur voice...i oreadi can noe...there is no way u can hide from me..its jus hurt me more n more when everytim i noe tat u'r surfurin but u dun let me to help u...i dunno y u left..i dunno y u choose him..i dunno y u hv to continue like tis...shit thing..wake up god damn it...for god sake wake up n open up ur eyes...is tis wat u wan..dun tell me the answer through ur mouth..u tell urself through ur heart...!!!its not onli u make me so dissapointed...even ur parents will feel so if they noe it..its not bout him..its bout u...y do u hv to force urself been through all tis..u think by tis u'll learn to b strong..??u think by tis u'll b independant or wat..???u think it looks cool or wat..??there's still som space ffor u to turn bac so do it nw b4 its too late..make ur decisions...where r u CHUAH RUEY YING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i jus hang up the phone...i dunno wat to say..am i stupid or...guess i am...for loving u so so deep like tis..do u noe how much courage i took up jus to press the button to call..do u even noe how much bravery i have to use jus to ignore watever ur response is when u pick up the phone..but guess..my courage jus not much enough to take the reaction of urs when u pick up the phone..am i really tat wrong in time to call u or am i really ntg at all..yea..i am ntg nw...worthless to u..its been so so long i heard from u..today in mind my i was thinkin..mayb in the past im the 1 who oways waitin..mayb i should b more agreesive..but..hmm..mayb watever i did is jus wrong wrong wrong..mayb im jus meant to do ntg..no matter wat i do..its jus useless..no one will look at it...i missed u so so much..i tot u'll b happy at least when u hear my voice..but guess its jus all my imaginary...ntg was real at all..cry in the night..lookin for u..but u've far gone...left the onli me in the world..lookin up in the dark black sky..prayin for the star n moon to at least brightn=en the sky so tat i wont b so lonely..but the clouds have cover it all up..ntg's left for me...no matter how hard i pray for it..no matter how much effort i put in it..its jus all ntg...i love u for so long n hard..i try so so best to do everythin but guess...no matter wat i do n how hard i try...god jus wont even peep on it...mayb ppl hates me..mayb no one likes me..mayb..im the onli child who was been dump by the god...life sucks...life's nothing but an empty shell...full of fakes..lies...evils..darkness...i hate my life..i love u...but...nothing all but empty...

haizz...another day...2day after scl..went to midvally to watch movie..but dunno y..dun hv any mood..these few days..my mind keep hvin alot of thoughts..very confusing...alot of images appear again...2day...walk in mv the whole day...hopin u to appear..but in the end..guess i dun hv the luck...haizz..even tho everytim when in the phone i keep say tat its t=still not the time yet 4 us to meet..but in my heart..i seriously hope tat u'r jus bside me..jus like the olden times...i noe as the time past..we cant turn bac again..but til nw..i still dunno how..sadness never seems to b dissapear ever since the day u left...learnt alot of stuff n meanin in life..but dunno y still cant get out of the confusion...haizz...god...plz giv me some clue...i really dunno wat to do...

不知道为什么。。过了那么久。。学习了那么多的东西和道理。。可是。。不管生活过的有多匆忙。。感觉上还是很消沉。。心灵的空虚。。还是找不到拟补的方法。。最近的生活。。虽然多了和家人的互动。。但是缺少了真正的快乐。。。到处去游荡。。希望的就是能有机会能碰到你。。努力的生活。。想要的。。就是你看到我的努力而回到我身边。。但是。。原本以为生活不断的变好。。到头来。。所有的梦想。。也只是空想。。所有的希望。。也只是一场空。。。空虚的心灵。。由谁能理解。。又有谁能去拟补。。。在这无边无界的庞大宇宙里。。我这小小的尘埃。。又算得了什么。。

26 May 2008

Honey..

Today,I didn’t follow my dad to work..around 2 something in the afternoon..my dad called back to say at Pahang,Bukit Tinggi there got earthquake..i worry like hell ah..that time only I find my phone. It was then when I saw your messages..luckily you left the place jor…so scared you still there diving or something…sigh…you’re so far away from me now…so weird feeling…

Sigh…today so bu shuang ah…play scrabble,loose. Study,brother kacau. Watch tv,cry like hell. Now,write a ‘so called letter’ to you,kena my father ngam… lucky la you…dun have to listen to me complain now…and can have fun there…

Plus today got plumber come my house do the pipes…my father that day remember I told u he repair the pipe in the bathroom? He broke it.Lolz. The plumber came that time he saw and he say he will come back later around 5 pm to repair. Now, 7 pm jor lu…shadow also dun have… I NEVER see my house pipe break till like this da…metal de you know…? My fathers excuse was the pipe corrode jor…so its not his fault…*blek* He do de always not his fault de la…but whatever I do is all my fault ma…YIESH!!

Jiorr…this Saturday no tuition…only can see you on Sunday…dunno la…maybe before Sunday can let you read this letter jor…hopefully la. Then u can know how much I missed you…PLUS maybe I could go your shop to give you cake?? Maybe I can bake a cake during these days…let your family eat…well…if its succesful la…haha.

Guess what..! I’ve edited my featured friends in friendster…so only can see you,my bro,kelsey,and jie fu…kinda empty but nvm la…can see all my beloved ppl there…especially you,my fiancè…K la…I very guai da…now go eat dinner lu~…

Muaxxxx~

Your fiancè.

tis was the msg u gave me when i went to P.Redang last year..dunno y..when i plug in my pendrive jus nw..tis msg jus seems to catch my attention..yea..it has been a long long time..its oreadi bcome history..i shouldnt do anythin to recall bac..but...til nw..everythin jus seems to b so..so sudden..i still love u so so much...if u saw tis post..i would like to tell me..i missed u so much..jus like in the msg...my love never did reduce...i still love u so much..i really hope to call u nw n tell u everythin..but..i dun dare tp take the phone jus coz i dunno whether u n him r talkin on the phone or..im jus...not the 1 to u anymor...i love u...n i really do...

hmm...money money money..money comin in~!!!!

wah..lately..dunno y suddenly i felt very rich..i mean..money keep on comin in...since the day i worked in the akon's concert..til nw..i got another new student..no..not 1..but 3 new student..my god..money keep on puffin up..wow~~~im richy richy~hehehe..^^

sien...

haizz...been scold by mum again..sien a...i mean..come on..when i drive..can u jus shut up..i noe how to estimate..i noe how to drive..i can see wif my eyes ok..i hv my brain wif me..duh..i din buy my licience..i earn it..i learn..i pass the test without givin any rasuah..i pass the test god damn it..cant u jus put in som confidence in me..???i mean my bro got into alot of accident b4 oso..so..?i din right..??i mean i hvt..plus i noe when n how to drive..so can u jus shut up~!!!!!argghh!!!!

nw still keeps on recall bac tat day akon's concert..my god..so..nice~!!!!!ohya..btw..if it sound offence then im sorry at 1st..but even tho i dun really noe tat my blog got ppl read anot de..but if som1 whos readin n u noe tat little bastard..dun let him noe tat i work wif him..coz from tat day..he seems like he dun remember who i am..i nid tis job in the future..yea...it sound sucks coz i sound like i beggin him but no choice..for life..for free concert..i seriously nid tis job..wait til my bro get into tis industry which he's oreadi studyin bout it nw..til then i still nid to use him..so..wait til he's useless..yea..im so bad..lalala..but no choice..concert~free~!!!!!!!haha...little bastard..nw onli i noe u'r so useful..but too bad..u oways sound like u'r very good..but u noe wat..u dun..u sucks..ever since tat day i work wif u..i noe it..u sucks..u dun even noe how to get the job done..onli noe how to flirt wif girls..which makes me even look down at u..cock talker...but nvm..i still nid tis cock talker 4 som time..so i'll spare him 4 awhile..

hmm..sudden lucky..??

well..the post b4 was talkin bout tat my bad luck return again..n guess wat..jus tat night..b4 i slp..suddenly my hp rang n it was my student..he asked me whether i wanna do the concert thing anot coz they lackin of ppl..but the price onli Rm120..when i heard of it..i was like wan..of coz wan~!!!finally..2day early in the mornin..i wake up..clean myself n go to sunway..i mean..he told me i hv to reach at 9..but jus incase the traffic jam..so i reached there at 8..n i onli brought Rm3..my stomach was growlin so badly..i hv no choice but to walk into a mamak shop..i dare not to order some other stuff coz its very costly even if u onli eat in mamak when u'r in subang..(so called rich ppl area..)i onli order 1 roti kosong n 1 teh o ice..after finish my breakfast..i walk to the entrance of sunway surf beach..i waited for one hour...when i called..my student onli gettin ready to come out from house..i was like..deng..for wat i wake up so early~!!!!nvm..from 8am..i wait til omost 10am onli he reach..nvm...when he reach..he was inform by his fren tat it wasnt there..we hv to walk til the main entrance of sunway..then there we go...walk....n when we reach..1st thing..wat the FUCK!!!guess who i saw..tat fuckin bastard..if u guys still remember..there was one little bastard who try to steal my..well..nw is my ex..b4..yea..tats him..n..the funny part is..i hv to work under him..fucked up man..shit~nvm..here we go..a long long day..wellduring the whole time..i dun really bother bout his existence..i mean..im the kind tat if i get a job..even if i hate tat job alot..i'll still try my best to get it done..well..honestly..i seriously feel like punch him during the time when i work..bt i try not to bother bout it..its the 1st time i got into these kind of job..bit exicted..after a long day of workin..when around 4 onli we get to eat our lunch..n in order to get our lunch..we hv to walk a long along distance...walk over a hill..onli get our food..my god..every1 was so exhausted..but another thing..there onli hv rice..dun hv water..n they expect us to swallow it..our throat oreadi dry..but..no choice..we hv to..jus to fill up our stomach..after lunch...we continue working..but tat time we oreadi hv to prepare for the concert..after change into the stuff shirt..we stand in our own position..im a ticket checker for tat night..mayb its the management problem..there was alot of mistakes n trouble happen on tat night..but in the end..our job was done..i n my student quickly rush down to the concert n it was jus in time as its the peak..we stand over there n listen to few songs..then we hv to get bac up...it impress me as the bass was so nice~never tot such nice stuff could appear in malaysia..XS..well..after the concert..we hv to move everythin again..my god..so damn tirin..but there's one benifit..tat is..i dun hv to go gym..nw my muscle grow bigger again..hehe..^^v..after everythin..it was oreadi late night..i called my bro to fetch me up n go home..wat a nice day..^^1st time as a concert stuff~~~SUCCESS!!!!

bad luck return~!!!

my god...wat happen..y..y bad luck returns again~~i jus lost Rm230 tis week..wat the fuck~!!!!tis friday n saturday..i suppose to get a chance to work as a stuff for the Akon concert in sunway lagoon..but unfortunately..my student phone me on tuesday n told me tat i was been kicked out coz of error enterin my ic no..it suppose to be 91...but he entered 93..when i heard bout it..i was..wat the..RM200!!!i try to find a way to get in again bt cant..i mean..come on..93??if i am...how can i b ur tuition teacher stupid~!!!!!how can i hv such brainless student!!!!yiesh..nvm..later on..my best fren he was in..bt he oso got a job in restoran as a waiter..so he was plannin me to replace his place as a waiter..then i thought well..at least i still got Rm30...better than nth..nvm..then...today...suppose to b the day..bt b4 hy depart..he called my student to confirm where's the revenue..bt guess wat he said..his place as well was cancel..both of us was shocked n..how can it b..he said som1 called him tat time n said he was my fren n he cant go..so they cancelled him as well..i mean..wat the..cant u jus called me n confirm about it?!!!stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!nvm..then he want bac the job in restoran..so..nw....so lucky to say tat i hv lost the job as a concert stuff n...waiter..Rm230....fly away...in front of me...jus...gone...VANISHED!!!!!!!!!!!ARGGHH~！~~~！！！！！！

new sem..

i jus started my new sem tis week..my god..dunno y..tis startin dun even giv me a feelin of goin to scl..everyday onli 1 class..n the time is like 9 til 12..12 -3..my godd..feel like wastin my time attendin to class..i mean..after 2 hours..then i hv to go bac again..i take half an hour bus to scl..then after 2 hours..i hv to take half an hour bus bac again..my god..damn tirin n borin..y can they jus put som class 2gether in one day..then at least tat day is worth it..come on..nwadays bus fees is expensiv man..not like last time..Rm2 can ride the whole day..jus dun understand y they'r so damn stupid..haizz..

back...

im bac from genting highland 2day..so tired..hv't really been slpin for like 5 days..my god..gonna b crazy..well..dunno y i dun feel like coming bac..i very very miss the moment i had when in genting...alot of pictures n memories...even tho i noe tat i'll hav another chance to go there again..but dunno y..very miss it..missed the time i had over there...hmm..y time passed so fast..if i hv a chance..i wish to slow down the time...nw...very tired...slpy..my god..i look like zombie...

morning glory!!!

my god...nw its like 5 somthing alomost 6 in the morning..n im still in oldtown cafe on9..haha..my god..even tho 2day dun hv any mist..but the temperature is still damn low...freaking cold..nw its like omost 5'c onli..cold~well..took alot of pics of genting's night view..its so pretty over here..haizz..but too bad i cant really walk nw coz of my stupid legs..it seems tat its too old to stand the low temperature over here n its aching alot..help me~~~~

genting~!!!!!

yes..im at genting nw..my god..finally...get to come to genting wif my frens..i mean we have been planing 4 tis trip like..5 years?!!!finally..n my god..the air over here is like so fresh~but damn cold up here..seriously freaking cold...well..alot of fun up here..i hv been ridin the roler cooster 4 so many times..i never get to ride tat b4 even tho i came to genting a few times..bt nw..finally..haha..i ride like omost 10 times..but still..fun~!!!hehehe...i stay at here from monday til trusday..2moro im goin bac..nw spendin the last night over here..dun feel like goin home..the last time i came here is to find her..tis time..the main reason is oso her..but to track bac our memories over here...hmm...wanderin around the 1st world hall..theme park..i still remember tat i was so stupid tat i made her cry on tat daywhen we at genting..but the most memorable part is when im goin bac..we both cried..i missed her so much tat time..n nw i missed her more..even tho tis time is wif frens..but still cant stop searchin 4 her...i found a lavender air purifier...wanted to buy 4 her..but i scared she changed..hmm..my god..holiday tis time seems to b a very special one again..well..i took alot of pics as well..will upload soon..i mean..tis is my 1st time uploadin pics..hv to slowly see..hehe...nw at genting's oldtown cafe...the cheapest cafe up here..n provide 24 hours service as well..so..jus grab a cup of coffee n take out my laptop..internet time~!!!stayin up here 4 days i feel like im oreadi detached from the world...my god..n i miss rice so much..
i mean i hv been eatin maggie mee cup 4 so many days..im goin crazy without rice~mum..plz cook alot of food when i go bac..i miss the dishes u made~~!!!!

holiday~~

finally...my exam's over~yay..2day last day of exam..malaysian study or aka sejarah..well..not to say tat the paper was hard nor easy..but who cares..nw its holiday~huh~finally..can rest 4 awhile..hv been so stress for two weeks..nw at least can relax abit..but another problem appears..no money~im broke~cannot go out..shoppin..watch movie..haizz...sad..god..plz giv me som money~plz~

news...

well..there is some changes in my life lately..i mean..i got a new laptop..which is mine...so nw i bring it to scl everyday..well,life's easier wif it tho..jus tat dunno y i cant register the wireless kl n i hv to use my fren's acc..2nd..my exam's gonna finish on 2moro..yay~!!finally...well tis exam wasn't tathard..but if i studied earlier..things will b easier..even tho i oways think of tat..but i never really did it..hehe..n...well...laltely,i saw her dad..i mean..dunno y..i dun really dare to face her family..i felt guilty for not tryin my very best to treat her..yea..stupid..we hvn't even get married..but yea..i felt tat guilty as well...last week i went bac to our secondary scl wif my fren..i saw her bro as well..i knew he saw me to n keep tryin to noticed me..but i jus dun dare to face him..sorry for bein so rude but..sorry...well..alot of memories flash bac as i was passin by the corridors..classes..i wanted to went up to our class last time to take a look...but coz of my new hair style..the dicipline teacher saw us n say tat coz of our ''handsom'' hairstyle..we'r onli allowed to sit in the canteen...so..no choice..but dun worry..i'lll b bac..bac to search for my memories again...

life...

today is going to be a great day,''but day won't be perfect without you..''

i can handle more than i think i can,''if and onli if i got you bside supporting me..''

things dun get better by worrying bout them,''but the fact is i'll never stop caring bout u..''

i can be satisfied if i try to do my best,''but my life wont be satisfied if there isn't u in the pic..''

there's oways somthin to be happy bout,''but the most is u..''

im goin to make som1 happy today,''be prepared coz the 1st one will be u..''

life is great,''so let ur hold our hand tight together n make the most of it..''

~twilight~

at 1st..i tot finally...life start to steady down..but things doesnt seems like it..exam's coming..i got a new job as a tuition teacher again..one form 3 student n one form 5 student..both r taking exam tis year..stressed...plus my own exam..headache...lately my life stlye change alot..not to say into bad or wat..i mean..yea..i got a new hair cut which was bit wild to me..well,tats wat all people around me says..obviously,no one likes my new hair style..my dad was so angry when he saw it..friedns around me says tat it doesnt suit me..technically..its a no..n i bet too..when u saw it..u'll say no as well..but...hmm..jus tot of changin somthin..life isnt as smooth as i tot..i hv been thro a long period of thought...i oways wanted the person tat i love n care to be happy oways..but end up..im the one who oways make them sad n heartbreak..i oways tot watever i do is all for their best considered...but tats wat all i tot..start from the early i noe i was bit controlled..but actually its jus not bit..its alot..imagination is jus not enuf 4 me to live on..tats y i oways hurt people tat i love the most..especially u...i had missed the path of turning bac..when people around me asked bout u..my heart will still break even things happened quit long ago..when i heard bout u..it feels the same as well..i dun dare to face the past as i dun dare to look at u anymore..i love u so much but it doesnt seem tat i got the chance to continue loving u..u said tat i hv to live on wif my life..wat all i can do its jus stay on low n quite..so tat i wont disturb u anymore..im so sorry tat i dissapoited u again as i break my promise to u..but tat will be the lst promise tat i'll break as i will keep the others til eternity..my life..well..thinkin of mixing around wif my class but seems tat everyone its keep somthin away from me which i doesnt know wat is it..i felt tat there's an invisible wall between us tat i will never break thro..started to hate the stupid me..i oways messed things up..tis coming saturday..my house will b having a party..i tot of inviting u over if..we still together..but nw..i jus hope tat u'r happy n safe..i love u..

ur blog was left oevr again..not onli ur blog..but everythin..since u were gone..dunno y i tired 2 4get u..dunno y i try so hard to live on..dunno y i try not to love u anymore..but dunno y all these doesn't seems to work at all..tell me y things hv to turn into like tis..tell me y tat u'll leave me..tell me y tat i cant love u anymore..tell me y tat our love is gone at all...

i guess..it'll have 2 b a long time b4 u sign in ur blog again..it has been bout 3 weeks u been there..non-stop wonderin hows ur life goin..r u ok?i missed u so much..ppl who read my blog has been so bored of me oways talking bout u..my feelings n stuff..but i dun care..i'll jus keep on writin coz i hope one day u'll sign in..sign in again n read it..one day..u'll noe how i feel..let u go...life around me r weird lately..i met a girl..which acts like u b4..makes me remind of u..she stays bside me when i was sad..she accompany me..jus like u do..but i noe..i'll oways b alone..no matter wat happen unless u return..no matter who appears..its jus not u..im not actin stubborn..jus tat i never stop lovin u..love is tat suppose to b..never stop lovin som1 even til the last moment of life..finally i manage to feel tat n understand it..lookin at ppl around me..i noe myself i cant accept any1 of them..i wont wan the m2 b the shadow of urs..theres no one can replace u in my heart..alot of articles i had read..alot of words i had understand..n i jus hope tat u can jus stay bside me..share wif me..jus like b4..even tho i noe..time jus wont turn bac..im still waitin 4 u..baby..

2day is 9 of september..yea..a very very special day among those couples..hmm..dunno u all blive anot a..early in the year..i planned for this day as well..yea yea yea..bla bla bla..u all mus b thinkin..dunno true anot 1..everythin oso say plan plan plan..yea..its on u whether u wanna blive it anot..but..i did plan 4 it..plus..tis comin 24 oso..suppose 2 b our anniversary...but..yea...hmm..jus nw..i sent msg 2 her again..yup..as i expect..no reply...its been 2 weeks she stay at there..oways wander is she ok..is she safe??did she oways has her meal on time??wat is she doin nw..?is she happy..??all kinds of silly questions...tat day..even tho its very very hurting..but dunno why..no matter wat..i'll jus love u...wat a silly guy i am..but tats who i am..never leave u alone..so wish 2 hug u nw..so wish 2 kiss u nw..so wish 2 tell u tat i love u nw..so wish...2 jus hold u hand again...so wish...

touched~

男女之間交往中，女生總是為男生付出。
所以吵架時，女生會說：『我為你做那麼多，為什麼你感受不到？』
男生也就這樣沉默了下來……
女生說『不說話了？你有對我付出過嗎？』
男生的付出，是在無形的……
雖然那舉動不大
他可以每天放學載妳回家
可以大方牽住妳的手
可以帶你ㄧ起想玩的地方
可以在情人節送妳玫瑰花和一句：我愛妳
所以男人沉默，不是沒為妳付出過
而是ㄧ切盡在不言中
他想說出口，但是卻無法從哪時開始說起
因為他付出也很多！

真正付出的男生，是不需要言語說出口。
也因為有在付出，所以他很瞭解妳。
知道妳怕孤單
知道妳怕蟑螂
知道妳怕看恐怖片
知道妳需要一個真正的幸福...

就因為這樣，付出的男生。
容易被劈腿的女生利用……
也因為這樣，付出的男孩。
還在這場愛情找不到方向。

付出的男生，不管付出多少
他愛妳，他才肯付出。
當然，有些女孩只喜歡物質上的付出…
卻忘記了愛情真正需要的是什麼？
愛，不能用金錢換取。
愛，是需要內心去體會。

付出的男生，有些不是很會說話、也有些不是很會耍浪漫。
不是很會說話，
但是他可以透過最原始的一句話在適當場合、節日對妳說出『我愛妳』。
不是很會耍浪漫，
但是他可以用心挑選妳的禮物，再給妳個深情擁抱。

付出是在默默中進行，不是言語表達就能詮釋出來。

那個還在為妳付出的他，妳感受到了嗎？




finally,i found somthin..somthin which i wanna tell u so so long..but i dunno how 2 say it out..dunno wat words 2 use..dunno how 2 let u noe..coz i love u..tats y i dun wan my words 2 hurt u..coz i love u,tats y i dunno wat word 2 use..coz i love u..tats y..i love u..

starts to count down of unlimit days of waited love~

she'll b goin to nilai on next tuesday..hmm..how good..even tho i noe its not her dream but..at least..at least she's tryin bout it..lately..she change..i dunno y..izzit coz b4 tis she's so in love..so in my love tat everyday she's happy..y nw she wan 2 suffer so much..do things she dun like..things she hate..b wif som1 she dun even lvoe..say words tat she dun wan n hate 2 say..i dunno..y..its hurt when i heard those words from u..but its even more hurt when i noe after those words comin out from ur mouth..how do u feel..hmm..dunno y im so in love wif u..no matter how much n hard u try 2 make me go away..but i'll jus love u more n more..silly girl..b careful ok?take good care of urself..remember tat there's oways a hotline u could call when u'r sad or moody or bored or even happy..ok?i love u so much n i'll oways do..ying..i love u...n i'll b waitin 4 u 2 come bac...in the mean time,i'll try 2 learn som very nice dishes..when u come bac..i'll let u try ok???muaxx~!!!sorry tat i couldn't get u bac..sorry tat im not bside u when u needed som1..sorry tat i oways late 2 let u noe how much i concern n care bout u..how much i love u...aishiteru-yo..toshiro san...

madness~~!!!destiny~!!!

why~why why why why why~why my life its like tis..y it turn even worst than b4..y am i suffering such huge pain..why~im seriously in love wif u...its draggin me crazy..why no matter how hard i try u jus kep push me away..why..i really love u..i really do...why~!!!!!u'r goin away from town..i noe i cant ask u 2 stay..all i wan is jus ur heart..why..why god jus give me such big hope..keep me imagine tat my luck has change but instead of tat..He set a big deep hole in front of me n let me fall in it again..why..why is it more painful than b4..i hate my life..i hate why everytim im slower than time..i hate myself..i hate myself why i cant jus hold u tight..no mood..no direction at all..no nth...darkness fall..but no light's on...no hopes given..n no path are shown....i jus hope tat i'll jus lay on the bed n slp 4ever..at least like tis..i'll never wake up from my beauty dream..at least in my dream..both of us r still 2gether..both of us r still happily 2gether til 4ever...if somthin happens to me..i guess i've lost my will 2 survive or i choose 2 slp 4 a long long period even tho i might still alive~

女孩子很难知道的7件事

(1)当一个孤独的男孩经常对你厣厣一笑时,他已经喜欢上你了(p.s.tats how i oways used 2 look at u when form 1..but u never notice tat..even til nw when i told u bout it..u'll never trust me..jus coz i b wif melanie b4..doesn't mean tat i dun like u..)

　　
　　(2)每次和你在一起的时候,他会很沉默,明明牵着你的手,却一会看天一会看云,你会认为他不喜欢你,错了,此时他眼里只有你,只是他习惯了一个人的感觉.
　　
　　(3)当你在也受不住沉默的时候,你提出分手.他没有忧郁一刻便答应了,你认为他是真的不爱你,错了,他只要幸福快乐,满足你所有欲望,所以宁可忍痛退出.
　　
　　(4)他答应以后,便故作一点也不在乎的,漫无经心的走掉了,但是你永远也不会知道他心里是多么难过,也许这是他真的知道世界上有一种感觉叫欲哭无泪.
　　
　　(5)分手后,他每次走过你身边,都会显得更无所谓,但是你不会知道,当你转身只后,他会静静望着你的背影偷偷留泪
　　.
　　(6)就在你终于知道他是多么爱你并且你也仍爱着他的情况下,你去他的廎室找他,推开门,他正在椅在床上默默叹气,你走进她他,他却顾也不顾的一把把你抱住,你笑了,这时却觉得衣襟湿湿的,你永远也不会知道,你的这个笑容,是他用多少不绵的泪夜换来的.

hopes...destiny...

izzit bcoz i put my hope too high up..y..y when i fell..it seems 2 b so painful..alot more painful than i tot..thro out these whole period..i tot i oreadi learn 2 b strong..but nw onli i noe tat im wrong..no matter how strong i may look..inside me..its still empty..it'll still fall n crash when som1 jus push it...did i fail again..wats my next destiny~

life...love...life..love..no..slp~

life..lately..dunno..b4 tis dulan dulan du7lan..nw..mayb thro all these ''dulan''..i learnt alot..n bsides,after tat day when my wallet was bein stolen..i got 2 new frens..which is much much much more mature than i am..i mean..dunno..everytim when i meet them..n we take bus together..they look more like my bodyguard~hehe..^^..well..lately..scl..im jus busyin bout my assighments...dun care bout anythin else..dunno..dun care..hv no mood to care..jus try on my best to survive thro these four years...love..hmm..dunno as well..i mean..wat god shows me i oreadi tryin my best..even tho i've been thinkin of givin up so many times..but..He jus dowan me 2 stop..so..GAMBATEH~!!!!hehe..haizz..smile..laugh..crazily laugh..tats wat i've been doin lately..so tat..at least she heard me laughin..which she love it the most..when she's alone..

uncontrol..

even tho it has been so long..but as i said..the feeling of me torwards u never gone less..my love to u grows every single day as the time pass..no matter how hard i tried not 2 miss u..but its useless..nw..there's no nid 4 me 2 remember u by force..eventually it'll jus come out in my mind automatically...i jus love u...

God's words~

well..its oreadi 12somthin in the night..i was watchin tv n suddenly i heard som1 talkin bside me..at 1st..i was freak out by tat..i try 2 look around n when i make sure tat nth's around me..i guess mayb its jus the tv..then...again..but tis time..its in my mind..it says..call her..call her nw..1st thing come 2 my mind is..call..her..y..?i mean..i dunno..yes..every single night..im still waitin..wonderin 2 call her n wish her gdnite..or somthin..but every night..4 wat i dare 2 do is onli take the phone..look at it n think..mayb she's chattin wif him on the phone right nw..n i can onli kiss the scren n say gdnite..jus hope she could hear it..thro her heart..but 2night..i jus hv tis very strong feel tat i really nid 2 call her..dunno y..i jus nid 2 do it..n yes..finally..i make a call...at 1st..her voice was like she oreadi aslp..but then..she seems like sufferin..then onli i noe she's hvin stomachace n she's eatin banana coz som1 told her 2 do so 2 reduce the pain..==..haizz..dunno who..but..plz every1..when u stomach pain..dun u never ever eat banana..its useless..somtims..it might cause u even worst..im so sorry if i offense som1..coz..i dunno who gav her tis idea..sorry..but..yea..i got worried when i found out tat she's suffering..thro out the symptoms she said..i noe she's hvin gastric..n plus..she said she din hv her lunch tis afternoon..n she's hvin terrible pain at the part under her ribs but upon her stomach..ok..nw its lesson time..gastric..it hv 2 types..1..its jus actually u'r hungry..but u din eat..the air trap inside n trumble inside ur stomach..cause u the most common gastric..2 type is bout the acid..tis is when u 'r not hvin ur meal 4 somtims or days..coz the gastric inside ur stomach hv ntg 2 digest..slowly..it starts 2 ''digest'' the walls of ur stomach..so here comes the gastric..tis 1..is even worst the pain..well,mayb the terms i use is not tat correct..but the things i said is absolutely right..y..cause i hv been hvin gastric since i was standard 4..tats y..i noe it..so dun try 2 argue wif me..quickly i ask her 2 lay down n stop eatin banana..ok..nw lesson 2..things bout bananas..banana is a very healthy n good food...but..somtims its 2 helpful..it may cause u a lil trouble..ppl say when u'r hvin stomachache..eat banana..ok..tat kind of stomachache is when u cant go 2 toilet normally..ok..not gastric..banana acts like a traffic police n try 2 smoothen the traffic inside us..but..the 2nd function of it is..it'll trap air...wats wrong wif it trappin the air..when u'r hvin the 1st type of gastric..the main thing u hv 2 do is try 2 get the air out..burp..or fart..or dunno..both..??but yea..u jus hv 2 get it out..bt if on the sdame tim..u eat banana..the banana traps the air inside..then how r u gonna let it out..?tats y it'll get worst...ok..lesson finish..n..in order 2 let the air come out faster..i ask her 2 drink a cup of warm water..tis 1..i think mainly u guys noe y..n try 2 swipe her stomach from up 2 down..so tat it'll helps 2 smoothen the air flow inside ur stomach..it was great 2 noe tat she got better..well,i mean..the most important part is..she smiled...tats wat giv me a very comfortin feel..i guess..tats the reason y..god ask me 2 call her..amen~

along the way..

2day after scl..me n hy went 2 mv 2 hang out 4 awhile..i mean..lately it has been a place where i oways hang out when i finish off my scl early....hy was lookin 4 some shirt 2 wear 4 the presentation day..so i bring him 2 the G2000 shop..once i went in..i saw som1 fimiliar...it was cherly..one of my classmate last time during the flight attendants scl..yea..on tat moment..it recall bac alot of memories..well,we hv a small chat while hy's findin 4 his shirt..out of a sudden..she ask me..so..u n lydia..really din communicate anymor..i was stun by the question...i mean..i dunno how 2 answer..til nw..i dun even noe how 2 face it..like usual..i asked her bac..then wat she told u..she answered me..no,lydia said no more..when the words ''no more~'' comes out..its like its movin in slow motion..n keep repeat n repeat n repeat..n at the same time..u could hear tat the sound of glass breakin..yup..my heart..it breaks again..even tho its oreadi like omost 2 months..but..yea..the pain jus got worst every single time when som1 hoke out the incident..

another day...

finally 2day..i finish redo all my ic n drivin licence...finally all done~it was still quite early when im finish..so i decided 2 go 2 somewhere else 2 spend my time n at the same time find somthin bout my assignment..i was thinkin of goin 2 mv..but suddenly..''pavillion'' jus pop out from my mind..so..i went 2 pavillion n hang out 4 a while..same journey...same place..same time..but..everythins r so much different nw..when i walk pass lot 10..i look inside the buildin..its like i can saw around 5 months ago..u n i..we both holdig our hand so tight...n walk towards our new dream 2gether..thinkin of the 1st class we had..the sound of the traffic light wake me up from my memories..as i walk cross the street..the images appear again..i saw b4..every wednsday n thrusday..we use 2 hold our hands n cross the road 2gether..when i walk into pavillion..the 1st thing tat i wanted 2 see was the 'DOME'..the place where u n i celebrate my b'day 2gether...where u..plan so much 4 my b'day on tat day...even tho it might b last min work..but it jus seems 2 b so perfect...as i walk pass ''the body shop'' i still can saw u'r sittin on the white chair in front of the mirror..tryin on the eye liner~every single steps i walk..every single tips of our memories show out..1 by 1...sadly..nw...even tho it use 2 hv 2 pairs of foot print..but nw..there goes..walkin by myself..alone...

the way im living nw..

haizz..1st..i hv a very very bad news..nw..i hv 2 announce tat..i lost my wallet..no matter how i jus cant find it..argghh~!!!!!!fine..n 2nd..im lonely again..AGAIN~!!!fuck...y y y y y y y y y y am i oways lonely in my life..y y y y?!!!!im tired of bein lonely..im tired of livin in tis kind of life..i sick of it..i dun wan 2 b lonely anymor..y..y u all r treatin me like tis..y am i gettin tis kind of unfairness..y~~~~nvm..thinkin of it..in the world..there r ppl livin in the live which is 1000times even worst than mine..i noe..i noe i should hv appreciate wat i hv..but..y cant i jus hv a better life..i dowanna b an audiance anymor..i wan 2 b a part of the show~light up my life n dun blow it off anymor..

ANOUNCCEMENT~~~

finally...bac 2 the lonely life..nw..in order 2 prevent any unneccesarry things happen..nw..im alone..in evrythin..scl..life..anythin~!!!again..fuckin good life..yea..wat..a good life..fuck u god..fuck u~!!!wat kind of test u still wan me 2 been thro onli u'll satisfy..tell me...!!!!wats wrong wif me~!!!wats wrong wif me~!??!!!!y..y every1 is treatin me like tis..i jus wan a normal life..i jus wan 2 love som1 i love..i jus wan 2 b wif the 1 i love..i jus wan a normal life like b4..y the fuck u go n ruin everythin~!!!!!!!arrhhHH~~~~!!!!!!!

words tat never can finish~

haizz..dunno til when onli my bad luck will end..lately really no mood at all...do wat oso not really smooth...but no matter wat..i still very missed u...i hv so many words tat i wanna tell u..but everytim..i dunno how 2 face u..i oways try 2 find alot of excuse 2 hide away from u..i really dunno wat 2 do n react if i hv a chance 2 meet u...u use 2 b the angel tat i onli deserve 2 look at u from far away..n i hv a chance 2 grab ur hand b4..but nw..i bcome the spectator again..which i dunno how long will it b...

searching operation START!!!!!!!!!!!

even tho i lost the wallet..but never giv up on searchin it yet..
13/8...day 1:after class..quickly rush 2 the bus station n try 2 look around..end up..din found any except alot of rubbish...try 2 ask the ppl around..(p.s.they r the person who oways wonderin around there n try 2 search somthin from the dusbin..)one of them r super glue addict..thro wat they told me..i hv 2 come again in the morning n try 2 go 2 the 1st floor of the parking floor..there i might get 2 meet the head of the pick pockets...n mayb i can try 2 ask from them...feelin scare but dun feel like givin up~!!!
14/8...day 2:afternoon after hvin lunch n send hy 2 the bus station..i went up 2 the parking floor n look around 4 the head..result...din spot him..but it was quite scary coz there's quite a number of those freaks n bastard walkin around..will try 2 find again 2moro~GAMBATEH~!!!

last present~!!!!!!

2day..tis year~my unluckiest year!~!!!!!!!everythin is gone..everythin~!!!!GONE!!!!!!!!!ntg left...even the last present~!!!pick pocket..dun let me hv 2 chance 2 meet u again..if u appear 2 b so lucky 2 let me meet u again..i dun care whether i'll go into jail anot but i swear i will punch u til u DIE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

unreleaseable....

love..wat does tis word means actually..can any1 tell me..why...no matter how hard i try..it'll never change..does tis really really known as love..i try my very best 2 release everythin..no matter wat..i force myself not 2 see her again..not 2 talk 2 her again..even when her b'day..i dun even dare 2 hold my hp so tat i wont sms her or call her 2 wish her happy b'day..no matter how hard i try 2 make my life busy..end up..onli i realise..i cant..i cant let her go..no matter wat..i still miss her very very very much..tis feelin never change..jus like the olden times when we were 2gether..it never change..the feelin i had towards u...i love u...no matter wat u did...no matter how hard i try 2 hide up myself..but...i love u..it never change..it never will...

爱情并不是风筝
清风情寄何处，追风愿随风痕。

　　爱情并不是风筝，放出去还可以收回来，放出的爱情，收回来时总是伤心。爱情是一种病态，相爱的人相互纠缠，在爱情中总分不清谁会爱谁多一点，谁会爱谁 少一点。一旦有一天，当我们在爱情中，可以清清楚楚地计算爱的轻重。那么离爱情和我们分手的日子就不远了。于是，转过身去背对着爱情离开，把自己关在门 里，把爱情关在门外，只是这一转身往往就是门外爱情遍地，门里寂寞无边。

　　不管是如何爱过，不管是谁转过身，最终都会沉在这郁闷的海中，慢慢的沉溺，慢慢的麻醉。

　　守着曾经传过情话的那部电话，听不到它再响起熟悉的声音，也无法再去拨通那个号码。伤透的心页记下的，全是下雨天的心情，关闭了的心扉，也关住了冰封 的情素。学会独自在人群中游走，学会在喧闹中孤独，学会穿越感情的缝隙。寂寞地听着，风吹动窗帘的声音，寂寞地数着，时间在生活中溜走。而我们自己，已经 在时间中苍老，象城堡中孤独的女孩
看着每个夜晚的月儿，看着每个闪亮的星星，想象谁会手持宝剑，把我们从这心的城堡中救走。

　　总是看别人在舞台上表演着爱情，总是为别人的爱情，而流着自己的眼泪。而自己只是在心底，舞上那个没人注意的配角。用孤独，去衬托别人的爱情，所努力演出的也总是别人的表情。明知道那棵绚丽的爱情树上开着的都是别人的爱情之花。结下的都是别人的爱情之果。

　　酒，成了不可缺少的道具，只有在大醉后才敢表演真正的自己。只愿把一生都醉在这酒里，独品着这酒忧伤的浓郁。终于明白，爱情就象是模特儿身上那件美丽的衣，穿在别人的身上，总是耀眼而美丽，穿在自己的身上，就成了小丑的戏服。

　　爱情并不是风筝，放出去时总有一丝线儿，把它收回。放出的爱情，收回来时就多了一道伤痕，一道永远无法抹去的伤痕。爱情是一种病态，相爱的人醉里寻 欢，恨不得长醉不醒。在爱情中总分不清谁是真的用心，谁是真的在用情。一旦有一天，当我们在爱情中，可以清清楚楚地计算情的多少，那么，离爱情和我们分手 的日子，就不远了。于是，转过身去，背对着爱情离开，把自己关在窗里，把爱情关在窗外，只是，这一转身，往往就是一生，往往就是一世。

Nidji-bila aku jatuh cinta~

Bila aku jatuh cinta

Aku mendengar nyanyian

seribu dewa dewi cinta

Menggema dunia

Bila aku jatuh cinta

Aku melihat matahari

Kan datang padaku

Dan memelukku dengan sayang

Bila aku jatuh cinta

Aku melihat sang bulan

Kan datang padaku

Dan menemani aku

Melewati dinginnya mimpi

Melewati dinginnya mimpi…

Bila aku jatuh cinta… jatuh cinta

Bersama dirimu

Peluk aku…dan ciumlah aku

Sayang…




well,i feel in love wif another song of his..previous 1 it might b representin wat u wanna said 2 me..but tis 1 it represents the love n the sweetness u hv 2 me in the past..bt nw,i'll jus hv it thro tis song...hope u like it as well...

Nidji-Sudah~

salahkah aku, mencintaimu,

memilikimu, menyayangimu,

jangan paksakan kita untuk,

selalu bersama,

jangan paksakan kita untuk,

selalu mencinta...

salahkah aku,mencintaimu,

memilikimu,menyayangimu..

bila kita harus berpisah,

sudah,

biarkan ini semua berakhir,

sudah,

cinta memang tak harus milikinya...

jangan paksakan kita untuk selalu bersama,

jangan paksakan kita untuk ,selalu mencinta,

bila kita harus berpisah,

sudah,

biarkan ini semua berakhir,

sudah,

cinta memang tak harus milikinya~

bila kita harus berpisah,

sudah,

biarkan ini semua berakhir,

sudah,

cinta memang tak harus miliknya..




finally..i think i found a song which she wan me 2 hear it...i guess..well..nvm..i like tis song anyway...hmm..2day is her b'day..yea..n im celebratin wif her..in my mind of coz..i dun even dare 2 wish her happy b'day...jus hope tis year..she hv a very happy b'day..jus without my surprise n present plus wishes..i guess it wont b bad..or it'll b even better without it..who noes...

day by day~

hmm..its oreadi like omost 2 months..day by day..jus a blink of an eye..the time has pass so fast..i oways wanted the time 2 walk by slower so tat i hv more tim 2 spend wif her..nw..im confuse whether how i wan the time 2 b..im lost nw..in the middle of the ocean without any direction..b4 tis..u r my compass of life..i noe wat im doin n i noe wat i should do..bt nw..im totally confuse of wat im suppose 2 do..life without u..its jus like a chicken without a head..

avoid..?or is it prevention...????

2day afternoon..suddenly i got a sms...well..lately the main use of my hp its jus 4 me 2 listen songs..coz of tat incident happen..it has been quite quiet laltely...but everynight..i'll make sure i off my silent...so tat if she wanna find me..im still reachable...i really hope it'll ring every night like b4...but..well..nvm..then when i read the msg..it was from her..she ask me whether do i hv my hp speakers wif me..tat time onli i realise she doesnt noe im at home..coz..lately we dun really tell each other bout our life anymor...i really hope it could continue like b4..but..haizz..nvm..then i say no...n he jus reply nth la..i was like..o.O..hah?like tat onli?i dowan the conversation jus stop like tis..then i keep ask her y til she say she's hvin a party 2night..the 1st thing in my mind was..a party?her b'day party??!!!my god...if it is her b'day party..how can i miss it..how can i...i quickly ask her whos party is tat?wat party..?n end up..when she told me it was her counsin sean's b'day..i was relief...then i told her if she wan..i can take it 4 her..bt the onli thing is she hv 2 come n take lo...i cant go there..bt she jus say no..n bye..i was again..sad..i mean..y such a hurry??everytim..my god~~!!!!!wat r u escapin of?me?am i tat scary..yes,i noe i hvt cut my hair..its bit ugly..bt its not til tat scary til u dun dare 2 talk 2 me right?or wat..?u try not 2 talk 2 much 2 me coz u scare u'll wat..love me or wat..??!!!yorr..u kep escape 4 wat..y so sufferin...y cant jus talk..we used 2 b the most lovely couple..n nw coz of som reason..u ke avoid me??if its not coz of me..u wan me 2 study bac..we wont even like tis right??!!!yiesh!!!

finally she got the job~but...she misunderstand me again...

jus nw b4 work..i was walkin alone in pasar malam...suddenly she pop out from bhind..i was kinda surprise coz its like she's so happy 2 see me...but then..she told me she quit the job at the tuition center..tat moment..the pieces of left over of my heart drop til the very end of the black hole...i was so so so shock n sad n alot of feelings...i keep thinkin..shit,then we cant mmet again..then how am i gonna chase her bac..how..argghh~!!!!i was so sad tat time n she told me tat coz she pass the interview..n she's gonna start her trainin soon after she go 4 medical check up...even tho tat time i was very happy 2 hear tat news..coz tats wat we promised b4..n tats wat i hope as well..but my face jus cant show the ''happy'' expression coz of the ''i quit the job''...my mind is spinin around tat sentence..bt she misunderstand tat when she told me somthin happy..i look sad...i was like..i din..n i try my best 2 explain..but she told me dun force myself if im not..i was so sad n angry tat time..force myself..yea..i am..i am forcin my self..im doin tat 4 the pass whole month n nw onli u realise??!!!halo..miss..u'r doin the same as well~!!!duh~obviously she deny again..but can see...its wasnt true from wat comin out from her mouth which say she's not...n she say i got wat so worried n sad..my bf should b sad...again..tis time..i nearly say it out..i mean..??haha..so funny...since when..he??tat guy..ur bf?come on..yea..name..but real..no..u n i we both noe tat...n if its not coz of me..he??wait 4 another hundred years..he treated u like tat..even til nw...he still doesnt noe how 2 appreciate u...ur bf?he jus treat u as som1 or somthin when he nid u..he calls u..when he dun..he'll jus kik u away..bf??yea..BastardFucker....but u'r still so determine..4 wat..?me?even tho u come bac..i can still handle it..plus..nw im facin serious problems wif my studies..very stressful..i nid u even more 2 b wif me n support me like b4...still remember??''faith n support''...but where r u nw..ask urself ying..jus wake up n come bac..

b'day n anniversary is comin..but..things had changed...

next friday will b her 18th b'day...early in the year..i oreadi start 2 plan alot alot of stuff..coz tis year..we'r free from scl...tas y i decided 2 gav her a very very special day tat he never ever had b4 in tis 18 years...but looks like there will b a change of plan...i hope it wont..but...i oreadi try my best 2 stop it..its on u nw,baby...same as tis comin 24th of september...our anniversary...remember last year??we went 2 mv..n u lost the diamond??well..it was quite a special 1..coz i guess tat was the 1st time in our anniversary tat i hug u in my arms while u'r cryin n say i love u..XP...but...will tat bcome our memories..plz dun let tat happen...baby...come bac..come bac 2 me...let me hv a reason again 2 create a new happy b'day song 2 u....til ever...

I've learnt something..

If you can't forget..learn to forgive..

I've read your blog..

yes..i was touched.

But for the first time..i don't feel any hatred nor guilt..

What u had done the other night..the words..

It's over..

Now..its a begining.

Learn to forgive..you will feel better..

^^

We had loved each other before..

I am still grateful of it.

You had taught me loads of things..

I truely appreciate it.

But...

as i had said,

Life goes on...

so finally u replied my blog...u said u were touched..but i dun feel any hatred nor guilt...its not tat u learn 2 4giv..its u noe u'll b 4given..from my previous posts..every single 1 is meant 2 u..my words were harsh somtims..n u noe unless i turn into a super genius..so tat i'll use those very beautiful n polite words..but tats the onli thing i dun alike as edward...no vocab...even in chinese..i'll still use som wrong words during the time 2 express myself...yesterday night..after finishin work..while waitin 4 som1 2 pick me up..i walk cross ur house..few times...listenin 2 music n sing..try 2 sing loud but not til caused som disturbance 2 the neighbours..hopin 4 u 2 hear it coz u din close ur windows...bt guess u din..mayb u were on the phone..in the opposite..ur dad heard it..he looked out from the toilet window n he saw me..i dunno whether he recognize me..bt i noe tat time i hv 2 go...it dissapointed me a little coz it doesn't work out like the plan...the next day was ur next interview..i was so nervous n wantin 2 wish u good luck..bt i dun dare 2 call u coz knowin u'll b on the phone n after tat u hv 2 slp early..dun dare 2 text u coz i noe every single time u got my text..u'll start 2 recall bac everythin n instead of tryin hard 2 think of a way 2 ans the interviewers question..u'll b tryin hard 2 find a way 2 4get bout me...after ur interview..when i ask bout the result..u told me tat u dun really care bout it coz of the salary was bit 2 low..but the voice of doubt appear again which makes me think of is it really coz of tat or is it tat i din wish u..u scared tat i giv up or somthin..tats y u dun really hv a mood in it..or really coz of the salary..bt u scare tat u cant really find som big money in few years time n u hv 2 work extra long which break ur promise 2 me...lately u hv been workin so so hard..from ur mouth..u wanna get into the job is coz of the salary..but wat u need the salary 4...u noe u wont let urself b over work coz of money..n same goes 2 me..i noe it 2...the onli reason is u wont wan 2 giv any chances 2 me or u..2 hv time 2 think of me n us...every single motivation n reason of urs in doin somthin had been look thro by me..nw ur fatratin not coz of my appearance really disturb u..but i finally noe it n u hv 2 think of a way 2 blind folded my eyes again..which u noe its gettin harder n harder these few days coz..as the time goes on n everytim i was able 2 look thro it..u noe my mind grow alot bout u...u hv no choice bt 2 use bac the same old reason..he's my bf..i dun love u anymor..jus let me go plz...life goes on..the onli words u gav me...yes..but u 4got 2 type in some words..life goes on but plz dun let me go n hold me tighter than b4 so tat i noe i hv no other way 2 continue escapin but 2 come bac 2 u..tats the onli reason i wan if i nid 2 continue...i successfully solve every single puzzle u gav...n nw onli i noe..i din..turn into a devil..instead..i've grown alot more so tat i hv no doubt my givin up my wings as an angel n come 2 the earth 2 protect u,my loved ones...even tho i noe theres no way bac again...tho its like tat..i oso learnt no matter wat..i cant giv up of my future coz tats oso 1 of the reason 2 keep u feelin secured wif me next time..by not foloin me beggin around wif ppl 2 get some money or oways argue bout omney coz of financial problems...nw onli i realise y u oways told me..instead of oways worryin bout our future..y dun i jus think of nw somtims...n i got into ur position of u sayin...livin happily nw its the onli way 2 keep the future in ur mind...yup...i understand it..the onli thing i left is u comin bac 2 feel n see how much i understand..not change..how much i can stand n view things from ur sight...not oways bein selfish n thinki of every thing is 4 ur own good..n learnin tat the onli way 2 keep our love life last longer its not by preventin neither ur past or mine 2 b happenin again..but 2 love u mor n care 4 u more..tats wat its important...i hope i did past ue test tis time..b4 u comin out wif somthin mor difficult..when u read tis blog again..plz..secretly take my phone next time n try 2 send every single voice record in my phone without me noticin...listen 2 it...n i guess..tat will b my answer 4 ur test in the future...je taime...

another life...

haizz...lately...alot of stuff..2 think..2 consider..n 2 make decission...but dunno y..keep feelin like there's a part of my life oreadi stop movin...dunno y...when i look at the world...i felt tat it has stop movin..even tho it's still colourful..but i cant feel the joy spreadin around..mayb..coz in my life..the part of it has gone..tats y...

~unsecured~

well...2day is my 1st day of math in college...in the new buildin..i mean...the 1st lesson was bout indices,roots n logarithem...i think i spelled it wrongly but nvm..well..arghh~!!!fuck..shit...!!!wat the fuck am i talkin..scl..?!!arghh..i cant even think of anythin nw..am i really tat bad..?4 the sick of god...yea..HE's sick..wtf!!!!wats wrong wif me..??y u like 2 test me so much..?!!!if i fail..jus fail me..y u wann keep on testin me..??!!!am i some sort of angel or stuff..u wan me 2 past the exam n go bac 2 heaven or wat..??stop testin me n jus take me away..!!!!i had enuf suffer over here..yes!!enuf!!!appretiate..yea..i dunno how 2 appretiate it..no matter how good i try..no1 will jue look into my hard work...no..ppl called it as shit work..ppl around me called it...n every1 who's readin bout it nw will b thinkin..tis guys..no hope..onli noe how 2 blame the god..pity him..usless..watever..u guys dun hv the right 2 judge me..i judge myself..no..no 1 hv..not even me..cz i dun even dare 2 judge myself..nw im jus like a little mouse..a dirty little mouse..no matter how good it is..when ppl saw it..they'll jus try their best 2 kill it..even tho it never bite or spoil anythin...u ppl hv no right 2 do it..u dun hv the right 2 do tis..take away everythin of mine..how could u..i try my best 2 start of my life n i suppose 2 choose the way i wan..y r u ppl helpin me 2 do it..i dun wan..giv it bac..giv it bac 2 me..i beg u...giv it bac...

a meaningful sentence..

" 深爱你的人都是天真的天使, 别一度伤害深爱你的人, 他们为了坚持自己的爱情把自己的雪白的翅膀给折断才能到人间守护你,
要是你伤害了他们, 他们就再也没有能力回到他们的原地!!"

lately i read bout an articles from the internet..n i found tis..hmm..jus hope every single 1 who is readin tis post will understand it..if a love life is so easy..it wont b called as love...coz of those hard time n arguements..tats wat make it perfect n special...but how many of them understand tis...do u..???i dun think so...

the time pass by very fast..

the time pass by very fast lately..another 2 more weeks will b her b'day..i dun even dare 2 think bout it..dunno y..after the past few days..i was so scare of my memories..somtims i jus try 2 turn on my music til max when im listenin 2 music thro earphones so tat my mind will onli filled wif the songs..it'll never b free 2 think bout anythin..but the sad part is..mayb coz of tat..lately i found out tat i get very dizzy easily n my ears start 2 hurt..haizz...but i seriously very very sufferin over here..everytim i think of his b'day is near..n same goes 2 hers..how r they gonna celebrate it..think bout tis year her b'day she'll celebrate wif him..not me anymor..arhh~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!nw onli i noe..one of the world most biggest lie is..''the feelin will turn down n gone while the time pass..''BULL SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!it never go away...seriously..day by day..i found out tat even nw..the love of mine 2 her still growin non stop...i love her even more every single day past..i couldnt stop tat from happenin..n i dunno how..i tried 2 smiled..but when im alone..the fake smile will jus eventually gone by itself..god~save me..i dun dare 2 end my own life..if i hv 2 choice 2 choose..plz..end it nw..take away my soul n end my life~

stop n quit..

sorry i hv 2 say..sorry...im jus..a fool..i tot learn alot during the time..i tot i grown...yea..but guess wat..2day..i suddenly realise..i grown..from a dirt..into a devil...a very..scary devil..i tot i changed into a better person..i really tot..i do..but..coz of the feelin..coz of the desire..i change..into a devil..all those posts from the past r all bull shits...shit pieces...i dun dare 2 face any1..i dun dare 2 look into ppl's eyes..i scare tat my dirty n scary face frighten ppl away..i dun dare 2 look how the worlds gonna walk away from me..i really wanna ask..wat the hell am i doin..wat the hell happened..y..y all these r happenin 2 me..i very very jealous bout the character in the japanese drama..y..y he got the chance 2 go bac 2 the past 2 correct things..y dun i..no matter how hard i pray..4 wat i ask is jus a small little chance..but i'll never get it..god strike me..punish me..hatred all around me..it was all wrong..bout as the time pass..u'll eventually 4get bout the whole thing..coz i found out tat..as it pass..the pain i gain is stronger n stronger..i wanna walk away..but my whole body is jus full of cuts n wounds...my heart jus not complete piece anymor..its all bein riped apart..nth left..empty shell..i hate tat i dunno how 2 appretiate it..i hate tat i dun hv the strenght 2 change..i strugle hard..but in the end i get nth..i've lose...totally lose..a loser..nth else but jus a piece of shit..i lost my direction..i cant see my path..i dun see the light anymor..the sentence of urs sayin ''im the 1 who choose tis path,tats y i'll do it til the end..''..tat time i really wanna tell u..if u think like tat..y dun u continue wif me..since u'r the 1 who choose tis path..but without the words bein sayin from my mouth..i giv up..i dun wanna say anythin anymor..i giv up..i dun hv the strenght anymor 2 move on...there's no use 2 strugle..i jus wanna walk away quietly..silently..dun hv the courage 2 look up 2 the world again..nw..i'll jus continue like b4..oways live under the shadow world..n will never wake up..

wishes~

yup..i jus finish watchin a japanese drama..tis drama was all around me during these whole period..the characters inside..they encourage me..2 do things i dun dare 2 do..2 say things i dun dare 2 say..they taught me alot of stuff..which i will never 4get..the courage..patients..love..faith...all of it..it was it..which i really hope i could hv share wif u..there r alot of words..which i dunno how 2use the right terms 2 let u noe..but i really hope u could watch tis drama..even tho i noe u dun like japanese drama..but..thro tat story..i reprsent wat i wanna tell u..wat i wanna let u noe..b4 tis..i dun really noe how 2 appretiate u..4 wat i noe is..nvm,u'r bside me anyway..wat i wanna tell u..i'll let u noe later..or eventually u'll noe..when it comes 2 tat day..which u decided 2 leave..i felt so regret..so regret tat i oways push things bhind..oways think tat there'll b another day..tats y..theres alot of words n sentences which i wanna tell u..but i couldnt get the chance 2..til tat..i keep on msg u..call u..talk 2 u..tell u tat i've changed..im no longer my old self..but i never really think tat..coz of tat..u were confuse again..u were scared..whether tis time am i tellin the truth..whether if u choose me again..will i give u the happiness u wan...which u oways desire of..everytim lookin at u..heard from u tat the way he treat u..how n wat he did..n after tat u told me its ok..nvm..n u'll still hv tat smile on ur face..everytim..my heart bleed non-stop..i hate myself tat i cant stop it..i hate myself y cant i jus convince u tat i'll give u the happiness u wan..i hate myself y cant i jus realise things earlier..everytim..wat i can do is onli hate myself..but wat i din really realise is..how much u need me..not wan me 2 critic wat he hv done..but wan me 2 jus tell u..its ok..i'm oways here 2 listen 2 u..even tho i noe its the hardest thing on earth..wantin me..2 sit there..n put on a very charmin smile..listen 2 ur every single words..jus like b4..n after tat..give u courage..n energy 2 move on..i noe..i cant act like b4..coz..b4 tat..i onli can watch u from far away..u'r jus like unreachable..but u'r my goddness..start from the day i 1st met u..u oreadi penetrate deep inside my heart..no matter how hard i tried 2 told u b4..u jus dun blive..coz u wasnt my 1st love..but..yes..even tho u'r not..but u'r the 1st n the onli 1..who i tried my best 2 learn every single stuff..so tat i could hv understand u more..u might tell me..i'll do tat 2 another girl in the future...but u never noe..how touch i am..whenever im sad n down..u'r the 1..the onli 1 who will jus stand bside me quietly..even tho im mad at tat time n might scold u..but u'll still keep quiet...coz u noe..i nid u..coz of everytim..no matter wat..i hv u around..tats y i never really learn how 2 appretiate u..coz i noe everytim u'll b around..tats y i dunno how 2 express myself..but i wan 2 tell u..no matter wat..no matter wat kind of girl will appear in front of my eyes the next time..even tho we might ben thro another experience..but..the time when i hv wif u..is irreplaceable...the time we cry..laugh..happy..sad..nervous..excited..1st experience of ice skatin..1st time stand infront of the crowd 2 sing 4 u..1st time tryin my very best jus 2 cycle n fetch u bac n fron 2 work..1st time pump up my courage n kneel down in front of the crowd jus 2 ask u 2 b my gf..1st time learn the real way 2 say i love u..where i really do..1st time 2 b so sure tat..coz of u around..im immortal..1st time..coz of u..i tried my very best..2 giv u the most special b'day..even tho im so poor tat i hv 2 hv empty stomach 4 a few days after tat..1st time i felt so special on my b'day coz of u..1st time i cried coz of presents..1st time..coz of u..i din slp well jus 2 stay awake n write 8070 ''i love u''..1st time i felt tat im jus around the corner of death..1st time i step in front 2 confron my fear jus 2 make u the most special girl..1st time..i hv my b'day..celebratin wif u..n the onli time..i think of buyin u a diamond ring..jus 2 see the beauty of u..hvin the love i hv 2 u..there's alot alot more..which i hv wif u..i noe..the past i din do it well..but i really love u..coz of love..i willin 2 try again..coz of lovin u..i willin 2 keep on tryin even tho i face alot of failure..coz of love..coz of love..it melt my heart down til the very zero..so tat i can n i noe how 2 look at the world from the other view..no matter wat sort of problems..parents..frens..teachers..ppl around us..i will still willin 2 stand til the very end..lookin at u..b wif u..stand up 4 u..n love u..thankyou 4 teachin me so many stuff..thank you..4 lovin me..n thank you..4 lettin me 2 noe the world..i love u..the feelin will never goes away..but thankyou..4 appearin 2 b 1 of the most importan person in my life..thank yo..4 teachim me the way...2 love u..