another mornin where i was left home wif my mum's car coz they wan me to slp late bit..bt..no matter how long i could slp..i still feel very very tired..tat feelins is comin from my heart..hmm..yesterday went to my fren's b'day celebration wif carmen at lot10..the 1st time i brought her 2gether wif me in tis kind of celebration..bt i felt so damn regret..1st,we suppose to go out at 1..bt she make it til 1.30..nvm,girls~then when she's on the car,she asked me to bring her to 1 place 1st coz she wanna take somthin for me..well,in my heart i was thinkin we oreadi late n later u nid to go bac like 4..nvm,lucky its jus near..so i drove her there..instead of straight stop at the shop's front..she ask me to stop damn far away..when she went down..she walk torwards different direction instead of goin to the shop..i felt very weird so i off my engine n went down to take a look..bt i cant see her..so i jus went bac to my car..then she's there..so i din care much..jus went into the car coz we oreadi very late~then she called a person n start sayin ''did u get the thing..i dowan to let u see me..later night r u free?i wanna talk to u..''while talkin..tears drop from the beautiful eyes..n same goes to my heart..felt broken again..coz on tat moment..all my specialty came bac..i could hear wat she's thinkin again...its a fact tat i keep on avoidin to understand..alot of my frens who know carmen told me tat she's a playgirl..i knew it to..bt i blive tat she oreadi changed..who noes...it starts to ruined my day...after she hang up the call,she starts sayin hvin bad mood 2day...who mess wif me will b dead..i was thinkin..if u talk again i'll make u dead~!!!!!!!im in the fuckin same car wif u,jus sittin bside u..n did u think tat im deaf?nvm..fine..it suppose to b a great day..hold on..then i park my car in timesquare coz i dunno how to drive to lot10 even tho its jus opposite the street..so we walk to lot10..i wanted to hold her hand..she shake off..nvm..i put my hand on her shoulder,she push it off n say will bad luck..==fuck la..fine,i dun touch u..idiotic shit!!!i got so pissed up when she starts complainin i park so far,nid to walk la..tis la tat la..==..i cant stand it n jus walk..i walk so fast til she was totally left bhind..she chase up n ask y i walk so fast..i jus smile n pretend ntg happen..when reach there..my frens came..then..here comes my nightmare..she start sayin things like y u bring me to tis kind of place..if i knew early,i dowanna come...n my frens were all there when she say it LOUDLY!!jibai!!!i felt so damn fuckin embarrassed..nvm,we go in...eat..she jus sit there wif her hp..i took som food for her..when we starts eatin..she told me tat she dowanna eat..n say she'll take herself if she wan..ok..then i dun care her,i ate my own..suddenly,somthin shock me..she took out another hp..n tat hp was her old 1 which she say oreadi spoiled..i was like..din u say it spoiled..she say owh,2day i took out n see its ok so i use lo..n i was like y u got 2 num bt i din noe..she jus smile..wat the fuck...hello,is there any more secrets of u which i din noe~!!!fuck up..i totally shut up!!!!!!i got so damn bad mood bt still hv to smile in front of my frens..great!!!n end up,she din really eat anythin..jus a dessert n som drinks n bit of vegetable..its a buffet..n i pay like 20somthin..yea..i noe its not much..bt its been a shit for the whole day u make me..n nw u din even care to giv me face in front of my fren..i felt such a shame..so damn regret..so damn pissed!!great!!!the whole day!!!!i felt tat whole my life til nw..i keep on couplin ppl up..my 1st love,i couple it wif my best fren..2nd gf..bac to her ex..n tis time..i dunno wanna couple up wif which bastard again..i felt so damn tired..so tired..lucky i got bac my mind readin..nw..i will stay strong..i wont let any love screwer to screw up my love again!!!ok..u can b bit flirty..like me..im not tat perfect..bt no matter how flirty i am..im still loyal to who i love~~n tis is wat u all gav me..good~

phew..wat a dramatic week..yesterday n 2day it was full of drama..yesterday after i fetch my sis to her tuition class..i was about to go to my fren's house to hang out for awhile..who noes i receive a call from my formal student yan,n said tat she's somewhere else..then the call got cut..later on,her bf called..n ask me to go to carfour there..ok..when i reach,i saw yan's as cryin badly..i parked my car n went to them..her bf,joey jus giv me her bag,n ask me to take care of her for him..n plus he hand me a cheque n ask me to turn it into cash as well..i was like wat the..wats goin on..y like tis oh??in my mind i knew they'r goin to break..well,yan jus push joey away n run..i hv no choice bt to catch up wif her jus incase she got into som trouble..then i really dunno how to explain to her mum since im still teachin her bro currently..well,after catch up wif her n consul her..we meet up again wif her bf n pai,her fren in a cafe..haizz..it was all jus som stupid misunderstandin..teenagers..they dun even noe wats love n they think they do...wat they'r doin will jus bring suffer to the world..they polluted the word love n the romance it created..u guys..dun call nor tell tat u'r in love if u dun even understand it!!!i hate ppl who pollute it..i hate ppl who makes love as a disgustion..i hate u all..if u all cant take up the suffers,if u guys dun even understand the world..stop fallin in such puppy idiotic lovin thing where u all will jus pollute it!!!!!

define happy n unhappy..accordin to the dictionary..happiness is a kind of feelings where excitement flush thru ur emotions n u feel great n motivated..whereby unhappy is vice versa..bt how to we apply it into our real life..does these words really can b define such easily..?the answer is no..every single person in the world will not gain the ultimate happiness..y?we learn to 4giv,we learn to 4get..we learn to sacrifice,we learn to accept..all our life is keep on learnin learnin learnin n learnin..bout wat??bout bein humble n accept everythin..in another word is learn to b stupid enuf to blame ourself no matter wat happen so tat ppl around us will b happy n satisfied..learn to live..learn to stay alive..reasons tat we've been searchin for our whole life..tryin to solve every single question we meet so tat we could live better..bt end up..?we get aint ntg bt still blames n lies..i tot i could..i tot i stand up i tot i crawl bac up again..i tot i survive from the pain..bt in fact,i din..wat i did was jus keep on givin tones of pain killer jus to cover up the pain n live on..it's so much til i omost got cheat by it til 2day..til 2day when i listen to a song..when i recalls all my memories..when i look bac wats goin on around me..then i realise..everythin i hv around me r all jus lies..ever since the 1st moment i started to grow..ppl around u..every single thing they do,there's oways a purpose..except for som1..to me..is my parents...i feel tired i feel sorry to myself..im torturin myself tat i cant even accept it..bt still im cont to do it..im tryin my best to hide from my family..im tryin my best to hide from every1..hvin the worst part is wish the person tat u seriously love wif happily ever after wif som other jerks..knowin tat u'r bein play like a fool,bt u still hv to move on jus to make sure tat u dun giv troubles to others..i hate tis feelin..i really really hate it..i oways wander..is there..is there som1,or somthin out there..plz...jus plz..giv me a hand..save me..or jus giv me a sign or somthin..angel n devil within me had left me long gone..nw im all on my own..i cant take it anymor longer..jus plz..save me..dissapointment is full within me..talk to me,som1..jus plz..

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

I can't tell you what it really is, I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now it's a steel knife in my windpipe
I can't breathe but I still fight while I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight
High off her love, drunk from my hate, it's like I'm huffin' paint
And I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate
And right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates me, she f**kin' hates me
And I love it, "wait, where you goin'?"
"I'm leavin' you," "no you ain't come back"
We're runnin' right back, here we go again
So insane, cause when it's goin' good it's goin' great
I'm superman with the wind in his back, she's Lois Lane
But when it's bad it's awful, I feel so ashamed I snap
Whose that dude? I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her
I never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe
When you with em you meet and neither one of you even know what hit em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills used to get em
Now you're getting f**kin' sick of lookin' at em
You swore you'd never hit em, never do nothin' to hurt em
Now you're in each other's face spewin' venom in your words when you spit em
You push pull each other's hair
Scratch claw hit em throw em down pin em
So lost in the moments when you're in em
It's the face that's the culprit, controls you both
So they say it's best to go your seperate ways
Guess that they don't know ya
Cause today that was yesterday
Yesterday is over, it's a different day
Sound like broken records playin' over
But you promised her next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no nintendo game, but you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

Now I know we said things, did things, that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is, you're the same as me
When it comes to love you're just as blinded
Baby please come back, it wasn't you, baby it was me
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
Come inside, pick up the bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk?
Told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed I'll aim my fist at the drywall
Next time there won't be no next time
I apologize even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games I just want her back
I know I'm a liar if she ever tries to f**kin' leave again
I'ma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

song from eminem fit rihanna..a song tat hook up alot of my memories~~seriously..alot..i was like the guy in the mv n lydia was like the girl..end up..it seperates both of us~~~

2moro im goin out wif my frens n overnight at 1 of my fren's house...well..out of these whole week,i was expectin 2moro's outin..i mean i could hv fun,relax n enjoy wat i hv..so jus nw i was plannin to call more frens to go..1,2moro got fren b'day,party n cannot go..ok lo,nvm..then here comes the exciting part..the other fren tat i call,i told him,2moro we'r goin out,then night we go cc straight down..then he say morning can for movie,bt night cannot..well..he jus got a gf..its like kinda web-girl~~so he has to spend night time to accompany his partner to play games or wat i dunno la..then i say oh..got gf oreadi..ok lo..nvm la..ntg la..i mean..since u'r not free..i dowan after movie then u hvto rush bac to home..its so not fun u noe..2moro outin suppose to b relaxin n fun..so nvm la if u'r not free..then he started to angry n nag over there..==..haizz..dissapointed..i mean..everytim u got a girl..then u'll turn over to ur frens..after tat,when u'r alone again..u'll come bac n find us..wat oh..==..nvm..haizz..argghh~~~~dunno la..i find tat i hv som kind of sickness lately..jealousy..not coz of wat bt coz others got nice gf n i dun~~==..argghh~~~too lonely...XS...SHIT LA~!!!!!!!!!!!!

well,nw im hvin my holiday til 6 of september as my degree program starts..hmm..a long holiday,bored n bored n bored..my god..everyday..as i wake up,i hv to think..yea..another day..i dunno wat to do..wanderin around..3 pm i hv to work..til evening n hv a quick dinner then i hv to work again..god..its so bored..all my time hv been stuck up..i dunno wat to do..i mean..well,mayb ppl see me keep on workin its like good la,then u'll earn alot of money..yea right..i hv to work like shit n face all kinds of problems n challenges everyday..salary doesnt even attractive..everyday i keep on thinkin is there anyway to let me earn more n more..bt til the end..wat i got its not enuf at all..nw im actually earnin for myself..my parents no nid to spend money on me bt..its sufferin..really really sufferin..1 k per month..hv to use for the whole month n end of the day..i got ntg..life..everyday when i go home..on my pc n go to fb..expectin my so call japan gf to reply me or chat..none..my actual 1..she aint giv a shit on me nw..dunno whether she's busyin on her study or wat bt i dun hv the strenght to care anymor..huh...i still remember my last exam..the essay tat i wrote was way to got a happy life..a sentence tat i oways use to encourage ppl is oways enjoy wat u'r doin..bt..i dun..i dun at all..im findin a way out..life's is like a single man whos trap in a empty island..no way to out..hopin everyday tat som1 might jus discover me..bt in the end..dissapointment is full in my heart..nw..its rainin..n im in the college waitin for a lecturer to sign my application form to degree..haizz..bored..i wanna go for a vacation..to relax..bt my wallet is oways empty..read the newspaper n a guy..he went around the world..without spendin any money..he survived by jus acceptin frens around the world tat he dun even noe..i mean..those ppl r from fb..he post n hopin ppl around the world to support the financial needs whenever he went to a place..how admired i was when i read bout the news..i wish i could do tat bt i noe i cant..i hv to stay jus to take care of my family..everyday i sign in front of my mum..bt i still hv to wear a smile jus to show her tat im strong enuf to life..they oreadi hvin enuf streesed to fund my siblings..i dun wanna add on pressure on them..sis's startin to grow up n her mind set was bein polluted by frens around..bt we'r tryin hard to pull her bac..bro..dun even mention bout him..in my eyes..he's jus a loser..not to say tat i look down at him bt yea..he is..everyday busy bout her stupid gf tat feels like he abandone the family..wat i wish for is not much bt a place for me to jus spill out all my suffer..everyday every night..i hope to go out..jus to find som frens n hv fun..searchin in my life tat som1 could jus understand me..1 thing..1 day i dreamed bout my 1st gf n 2nd..these 2 r my favourite honestly..well,in tat dream..i manage to get bac wif my 1st,melanie..n my 2nd gf,lydia..yup,she's wif her bf..in tat dream..i was happy..at least i noe i got a chance to redo wat i did wrong..when i awake..everythin change bac to normal..i text mel to asked few question of coz..well,she rejected as i expected..i noe i was stupid to ask bt..haizz..enuf of tat..when she read bout tis,for sure she'll say tat im ammature again..i dun blame her..i noe she's a special girl in the end..i let her go when i noe tat my best fren is givn a hope on her...lydia..im glad tat she got wat she want nw..seriously..u guys noe..a zombie game name left 4 dead..tat has been a life tat i oways hope for..i mean not to say to b cruel or wat..bt in tat game..frenship,hopes r oways around..they fought for life..for frens..for wat they hope to jus stay alive everyday..might b lonely bt at least..they got a dream..a dream to revive the world..llokin at ppl nwadays disgusted me alot..ppl r selfish..they do wat they nid to do in order to protect themselves..in my mind..whenever ppl nids help n i could..i will oways lend a hand to help them survive thru the problems..y..y ppl aint goin for a try..y..y ppl r so selfish..world is endin n i could see it..every1 could..disaster r happenin everywhere..dispict of gettin closer..ppl dun even care bt makin things worst..come on..care bout every1 around u..plz..make the world more colourful like b4..stop wars n killings..stop all the crime tat u'r doin..at least..lend a hope of urs to the world..

its been somtim i updated my blog..well,my latest news..i jus finish my foundation final exam few days ago..its a relief actually tat i finally end my foudation course~well,it means tat degree program is comin n its more hard work n challenges~~well,im oreadi facin alot of it tho..my works,friendships,loves..hmm..bt im glad tat even none of devil nor angel is bsides me,im still able to complete it..im blessed tat i gain a little help from THEY tat i got to past my exam so relaxin...thankyou so much..i really appreciate it...n my life..its gettin more n moer hard bt im still here..still standin...still breathin..carmen,well,its been somtims..bt glad tat somtims,u jus suddenly appear n giv me a surprise even tho alot of dissapointment gav by u bt still..thankyou..hmm..time pass so so fast tat i din really realise tat end of the year is comin...its jus like tis for tis year..ikeep on thinkin tat..1 year..jus pass like tat bt every1 is hvin somthin on them..bt how bout me..wat hv i done tis year??well..let me see..finally i went to clubbin..n its oreadi twice,i finally bought a new hp,full touch screen n tis time is real..even tho its bac to warranty..==..ermm,i got 2 new gf,no is 3 i guess if included neko..out of 3,jasmine was failure,neko was unfutureless if there's such word,carmen was over the line..so..in conclude,love life sucks,work,got 1 or 2 new student,bt hard time comes when its actually 6-7 hundred im earnin..==..nvm,hvin single life let me got chance to do n buy things tat i wan..currently purchasin a new watch..damn nice 1 bt hope wont been cheated..n...well,hmm..guess tats all..so..wat u guys think hah??wat so special bout my year tis time?ha..non...mind seems to stop runnin..all imagination n wishes jus ends like a pop of a bubble..dissapear in the air..listened to few nice songs..1 of them was like hopin the airplane in the night sky was a wishin star..well,tat impact me..i oways hope..not to b greedy bt at least 1 of my hope will jus..hmm..yea right~~