starts to count down of unlimit days of waited love~

she'll b goin to nilai on next tuesday..hmm..how good..even tho i noe its not her dream but..at least..at least she's tryin bout it..lately..she change..i dunno y..izzit coz b4 tis she's so in love..so in my love tat everyday she's happy..y nw she wan 2 suffer so much..do things she dun like..things she hate..b wif som1 she dun even lvoe..say words tat she dun wan n hate 2 say..i dunno..y..its hurt when i heard those words from u..but its even more hurt when i noe after those words comin out from ur mouth..how do u feel..hmm..dunno y im so in love wif u..no matter how much n hard u try 2 make me go away..but i'll jus love u more n more..silly girl..b careful ok?take good care of urself..remember tat there's oways a hotline u could call when u'r sad or moody or bored or even happy..ok?i love u so much n i'll oways do..ying..i love u...n i'll b waitin 4 u 2 come bac...in the mean time,i'll try 2 learn som very nice dishes..when u come bac..i'll let u try ok???muaxx~!!!sorry tat i couldn't get u bac..sorry tat im not bside u when u needed som1..sorry tat i oways late 2 let u noe how much i concern n care bout u..how much i love u...aishiteru-yo..toshiro san...

madness~~!!!destiny~!!!

why~why why why why why~why my life its like tis..y it turn even worst than b4..y am i suffering such huge pain..why~im seriously in love wif u...its draggin me crazy..why no matter how hard i try u jus kep push me away..why..i really love u..i really do...why~!!!!!u'r goin away from town..i noe i cant ask u 2 stay..all i wan is jus ur heart..why..why god jus give me such big hope..keep me imagine tat my luck has change but instead of tat..He set a big deep hole in front of me n let me fall in it again..why..why is it more painful than b4..i hate my life..i hate why everytim im slower than time..i hate myself..i hate myself why i cant jus hold u tight..no mood..no direction at all..no nth...darkness fall..but no light's on...no hopes given..n no path are shown....i jus hope tat i'll jus lay on the bed n slp 4ever..at least like tis..i'll never wake up from my beauty dream..at least in my dream..both of us r still 2gether..both of us r still happily 2gether til 4ever...if somthin happens to me..i guess i've lost my will 2 survive or i choose 2 slp 4 a long long period even tho i might still alive~

女孩子很难知道的7件事

(1)当一个孤独的男孩经常对你厣厣一笑时,他已经喜欢上你了(p.s.tats how i oways used 2 look at u when form 1..but u never notice tat..even til nw when i told u bout it..u'll never trust me..jus coz i b wif melanie b4..doesn't mean tat i dun like u..)

　　
　　(2)每次和你在一起的时候,他会很沉默,明明牵着你的手,却一会看天一会看云,你会认为他不喜欢你,错了,此时他眼里只有你,只是他习惯了一个人的感觉.
　　
　　(3)当你在也受不住沉默的时候,你提出分手.他没有忧郁一刻便答应了,你认为他是真的不爱你,错了,他只要幸福快乐,满足你所有欲望,所以宁可忍痛退出.
　　
　　(4)他答应以后,便故作一点也不在乎的,漫无经心的走掉了,但是你永远也不会知道他心里是多么难过,也许这是他真的知道世界上有一种感觉叫欲哭无泪.
　　
　　(5)分手后,他每次走过你身边,都会显得更无所谓,但是你不会知道,当你转身只后,他会静静望着你的背影偷偷留泪
　　.
　　(6)就在你终于知道他是多么爱你并且你也仍爱着他的情况下,你去他的廎室找他,推开门,他正在椅在床上默默叹气,你走进她他,他却顾也不顾的一把把你抱住,你笑了,这时却觉得衣襟湿湿的,你永远也不会知道,你的这个笑容,是他用多少不绵的泪夜换来的.

hopes...destiny...

izzit bcoz i put my hope too high up..y..y when i fell..it seems 2 b so painful..alot more painful than i tot..thro out these whole period..i tot i oreadi learn 2 b strong..but nw onli i noe tat im wrong..no matter how strong i may look..inside me..its still empty..it'll still fall n crash when som1 jus push it...did i fail again..wats my next destiny~

life...love...life..love..no..slp~

life..lately..dunno..b4 tis dulan dulan du7lan..nw..mayb thro all these ''dulan''..i learnt alot..n bsides,after tat day when my wallet was bein stolen..i got 2 new frens..which is much much much more mature than i am..i mean..dunno..everytim when i meet them..n we take bus together..they look more like my bodyguard~hehe..^^..well..lately..scl..im jus busyin bout my assighments...dun care bout anythin else..dunno..dun care..hv no mood to care..jus try on my best to survive thro these four years...love..hmm..dunno as well..i mean..wat god shows me i oreadi tryin my best..even tho i've been thinkin of givin up so many times..but..He jus dowan me 2 stop..so..GAMBATEH~!!!!hehe..haizz..smile..laugh..crazily laugh..tats wat i've been doin lately..so tat..at least she heard me laughin..which she love it the most..when she's alone..

uncontrol..

even tho it has been so long..but as i said..the feeling of me torwards u never gone less..my love to u grows every single day as the time pass..no matter how hard i tried not 2 miss u..but its useless..nw..there's no nid 4 me 2 remember u by force..eventually it'll jus come out in my mind automatically...i jus love u...

God's words~

well..its oreadi 12somthin in the night..i was watchin tv n suddenly i heard som1 talkin bside me..at 1st..i was freak out by tat..i try 2 look around n when i make sure tat nth's around me..i guess mayb its jus the tv..then...again..but tis time..its in my mind..it says..call her..call her nw..1st thing come 2 my mind is..call..her..y..?i mean..i dunno..yes..every single night..im still waitin..wonderin 2 call her n wish her gdnite..or somthin..but every night..4 wat i dare 2 do is onli take the phone..look at it n think..mayb she's chattin wif him on the phone right nw..n i can onli kiss the scren n say gdnite..jus hope she could hear it..thro her heart..but 2night..i jus hv tis very strong feel tat i really nid 2 call her..dunno y..i jus nid 2 do it..n yes..finally..i make a call...at 1st..her voice was like she oreadi aslp..but then..she seems like sufferin..then onli i noe she's hvin stomachace n she's eatin banana coz som1 told her 2 do so 2 reduce the pain..==..haizz..dunno who..but..plz every1..when u stomach pain..dun u never ever eat banana..its useless..somtims..it might cause u even worst..im so sorry if i offense som1..coz..i dunno who gav her tis idea..sorry..but..yea..i got worried when i found out tat she's suffering..thro out the symptoms she said..i noe she's hvin gastric..n plus..she said she din hv her lunch tis afternoon..n she's hvin terrible pain at the part under her ribs but upon her stomach..ok..nw its lesson time..gastric..it hv 2 types..1..its jus actually u'r hungry..but u din eat..the air trap inside n trumble inside ur stomach..cause u the most common gastric..2 type is bout the acid..tis is when u 'r not hvin ur meal 4 somtims or days..coz the gastric inside ur stomach hv ntg 2 digest..slowly..it starts 2 ''digest'' the walls of ur stomach..so here comes the gastric..tis 1..is even worst the pain..well,mayb the terms i use is not tat correct..but the things i said is absolutely right..y..cause i hv been hvin gastric since i was standard 4..tats y..i noe it..so dun try 2 argue wif me..quickly i ask her 2 lay down n stop eatin banana..ok..nw lesson 2..things bout bananas..banana is a very healthy n good food...but..somtims its 2 helpful..it may cause u a lil trouble..ppl say when u'r hvin stomachache..eat banana..ok..tat kind of stomachache is when u cant go 2 toilet normally..ok..not gastric..banana acts like a traffic police n try 2 smoothen the traffic inside us..but..the 2nd function of it is..it'll trap air...wats wrong wif it trappin the air..when u'r hvin the 1st type of gastric..the main thing u hv 2 do is try 2 get the air out..burp..or fart..or dunno..both..??but yea..u jus hv 2 get it out..bt if on the sdame tim..u eat banana..the banana traps the air inside..then how r u gonna let it out..?tats y it'll get worst...ok..lesson finish..n..in order 2 let the air come out faster..i ask her 2 drink a cup of warm water..tis 1..i think mainly u guys noe y..n try 2 swipe her stomach from up 2 down..so tat it'll helps 2 smoothen the air flow inside ur stomach..it was great 2 noe tat she got better..well,i mean..the most important part is..she smiled...tats wat giv me a very comfortin feel..i guess..tats the reason y..god ask me 2 call her..amen~

along the way..

2day after scl..me n hy went 2 mv 2 hang out 4 awhile..i mean..lately it has been a place where i oways hang out when i finish off my scl early....hy was lookin 4 some shirt 2 wear 4 the presentation day..so i bring him 2 the G2000 shop..once i went in..i saw som1 fimiliar...it was cherly..one of my classmate last time during the flight attendants scl..yea..on tat moment..it recall bac alot of memories..well,we hv a small chat while hy's findin 4 his shirt..out of a sudden..she ask me..so..u n lydia..really din communicate anymor..i was stun by the question...i mean..i dunno how 2 answer..til nw..i dun even noe how 2 face it..like usual..i asked her bac..then wat she told u..she answered me..no,lydia said no more..when the words ''no more~'' comes out..its like its movin in slow motion..n keep repeat n repeat n repeat..n at the same time..u could hear tat the sound of glass breakin..yup..my heart..it breaks again..even tho its oreadi like omost 2 months..but..yea..the pain jus got worst every single time when som1 hoke out the incident..

another day...

finally 2day..i finish redo all my ic n drivin licence...finally all done~it was still quite early when im finish..so i decided 2 go 2 somewhere else 2 spend my time n at the same time find somthin bout my assignment..i was thinkin of goin 2 mv..but suddenly..''pavillion'' jus pop out from my mind..so..i went 2 pavillion n hang out 4 a while..same journey...same place..same time..but..everythins r so much different nw..when i walk pass lot 10..i look inside the buildin..its like i can saw around 5 months ago..u n i..we both holdig our hand so tight...n walk towards our new dream 2gether..thinkin of the 1st class we had..the sound of the traffic light wake me up from my memories..as i walk cross the street..the images appear again..i saw b4..every wednsday n thrusday..we use 2 hold our hands n cross the road 2gether..when i walk into pavillion..the 1st thing tat i wanted 2 see was the 'DOME'..the place where u n i celebrate my b'day 2gether...where u..plan so much 4 my b'day on tat day...even tho it might b last min work..but it jus seems 2 b so perfect...as i walk pass ''the body shop'' i still can saw u'r sittin on the white chair in front of the mirror..tryin on the eye liner~every single steps i walk..every single tips of our memories show out..1 by 1...sadly..nw...even tho it use 2 hv 2 pairs of foot print..but nw..there goes..walkin by myself..alone...

the way im living nw..

haizz..1st..i hv a very very bad news..nw..i hv 2 announce tat..i lost my wallet..no matter how i jus cant find it..argghh~!!!!!!fine..n 2nd..im lonely again..AGAIN~!!!fuck...y y y y y y y y y y am i oways lonely in my life..y y y y?!!!!im tired of bein lonely..im tired of livin in tis kind of life..i sick of it..i dun wan 2 b lonely anymor..y..y u all r treatin me like tis..y am i gettin tis kind of unfairness..y~~~~nvm..thinkin of it..in the world..there r ppl livin in the live which is 1000times even worst than mine..i noe..i noe i should hv appreciate wat i hv..but..y cant i jus hv a better life..i dowanna b an audiance anymor..i wan 2 b a part of the show~light up my life n dun blow it off anymor..

ANOUNCCEMENT~~~

finally...bac 2 the lonely life..nw..in order 2 prevent any unneccesarry things happen..nw..im alone..in evrythin..scl..life..anythin~!!!again..fuckin good life..yea..wat..a good life..fuck u god..fuck u~!!!wat kind of test u still wan me 2 been thro onli u'll satisfy..tell me...!!!!wats wrong wif me~!!!wats wrong wif me~!??!!!!y..y every1 is treatin me like tis..i jus wan a normal life..i jus wan 2 love som1 i love..i jus wan 2 b wif the 1 i love..i jus wan a normal life like b4..y the fuck u go n ruin everythin~!!!!!!!arrhhHH~~~~!!!!!!!

words tat never can finish~

haizz..dunno til when onli my bad luck will end..lately really no mood at all...do wat oso not really smooth...but no matter wat..i still very missed u...i hv so many words tat i wanna tell u..but everytim..i dunno how 2 face u..i oways try 2 find alot of excuse 2 hide away from u..i really dunno wat 2 do n react if i hv a chance 2 meet u...u use 2 b the angel tat i onli deserve 2 look at u from far away..n i hv a chance 2 grab ur hand b4..but nw..i bcome the spectator again..which i dunno how long will it b...

searching operation START!!!!!!!!!!!

even tho i lost the wallet..but never giv up on searchin it yet..
13/8...day 1:after class..quickly rush 2 the bus station n try 2 look around..end up..din found any except alot of rubbish...try 2 ask the ppl around..(p.s.they r the person who oways wonderin around there n try 2 search somthin from the dusbin..)one of them r super glue addict..thro wat they told me..i hv 2 come again in the morning n try 2 go 2 the 1st floor of the parking floor..there i might get 2 meet the head of the pick pockets...n mayb i can try 2 ask from them...feelin scare but dun feel like givin up~!!!
14/8...day 2:afternoon after hvin lunch n send hy 2 the bus station..i went up 2 the parking floor n look around 4 the head..result...din spot him..but it was quite scary coz there's quite a number of those freaks n bastard walkin around..will try 2 find again 2moro~GAMBATEH~!!!

last present~!!!!!!

2day..tis year~my unluckiest year!~!!!!!!!everythin is gone..everythin~!!!!GONE!!!!!!!!!ntg left...even the last present~!!!pick pocket..dun let me hv 2 chance 2 meet u again..if u appear 2 b so lucky 2 let me meet u again..i dun care whether i'll go into jail anot but i swear i will punch u til u DIE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

unreleaseable....

love..wat does tis word means actually..can any1 tell me..why...no matter how hard i try..it'll never change..does tis really really known as love..i try my very best 2 release everythin..no matter wat..i force myself not 2 see her again..not 2 talk 2 her again..even when her b'day..i dun even dare 2 hold my hp so tat i wont sms her or call her 2 wish her happy b'day..no matter how hard i try 2 make my life busy..end up..onli i realise..i cant..i cant let her go..no matter wat..i still miss her very very very much..tis feelin never change..jus like the olden times when we were 2gether..it never change..the feelin i had towards u...i love u...no matter wat u did...no matter how hard i try 2 hide up myself..but...i love u..it never change..it never will...

爱情并不是风筝
清风情寄何处，追风愿随风痕。

　　爱情并不是风筝，放出去还可以收回来，放出的爱情，收回来时总是伤心。爱情是一种病态，相爱的人相互纠缠，在爱情中总分不清谁会爱谁多一点，谁会爱谁 少一点。一旦有一天，当我们在爱情中，可以清清楚楚地计算爱的轻重。那么离爱情和我们分手的日子就不远了。于是，转过身去背对着爱情离开，把自己关在门 里，把爱情关在门外，只是这一转身往往就是门外爱情遍地，门里寂寞无边。

　　不管是如何爱过，不管是谁转过身，最终都会沉在这郁闷的海中，慢慢的沉溺，慢慢的麻醉。

　　守着曾经传过情话的那部电话，听不到它再响起熟悉的声音，也无法再去拨通那个号码。伤透的心页记下的，全是下雨天的心情，关闭了的心扉，也关住了冰封 的情素。学会独自在人群中游走，学会在喧闹中孤独，学会穿越感情的缝隙。寂寞地听着，风吹动窗帘的声音，寂寞地数着，时间在生活中溜走。而我们自己，已经 在时间中苍老，象城堡中孤独的女孩
看着每个夜晚的月儿，看着每个闪亮的星星，想象谁会手持宝剑，把我们从这心的城堡中救走。

　　总是看别人在舞台上表演着爱情，总是为别人的爱情，而流着自己的眼泪。而自己只是在心底，舞上那个没人注意的配角。用孤独，去衬托别人的爱情，所努力演出的也总是别人的表情。明知道那棵绚丽的爱情树上开着的都是别人的爱情之花。结下的都是别人的爱情之果。

　　酒，成了不可缺少的道具，只有在大醉后才敢表演真正的自己。只愿把一生都醉在这酒里，独品着这酒忧伤的浓郁。终于明白，爱情就象是模特儿身上那件美丽的衣，穿在别人的身上，总是耀眼而美丽，穿在自己的身上，就成了小丑的戏服。

　　爱情并不是风筝，放出去时总有一丝线儿，把它收回。放出的爱情，收回来时就多了一道伤痕，一道永远无法抹去的伤痕。爱情是一种病态，相爱的人醉里寻 欢，恨不得长醉不醒。在爱情中总分不清谁是真的用心，谁是真的在用情。一旦有一天，当我们在爱情中，可以清清楚楚地计算情的多少，那么，离爱情和我们分手 的日子，就不远了。于是，转过身去，背对着爱情离开，把自己关在窗里，把爱情关在窗外，只是，这一转身，往往就是一生，往往就是一世。

Nidji-bila aku jatuh cinta~

Bila aku jatuh cinta

Aku mendengar nyanyian

seribu dewa dewi cinta

Menggema dunia

Bila aku jatuh cinta

Aku melihat matahari

Kan datang padaku

Dan memelukku dengan sayang

Bila aku jatuh cinta

Aku melihat sang bulan

Kan datang padaku

Dan menemani aku

Melewati dinginnya mimpi

Melewati dinginnya mimpi…

Bila aku jatuh cinta… jatuh cinta

Bersama dirimu

Peluk aku…dan ciumlah aku

Sayang…




well,i feel in love wif another song of his..previous 1 it might b representin wat u wanna said 2 me..but tis 1 it represents the love n the sweetness u hv 2 me in the past..bt nw,i'll jus hv it thro tis song...hope u like it as well...

Nidji-Sudah~

salahkah aku, mencintaimu,

memilikimu, menyayangimu,

jangan paksakan kita untuk,

selalu bersama,

jangan paksakan kita untuk,

selalu mencinta...

salahkah aku,mencintaimu,

memilikimu,menyayangimu..

bila kita harus berpisah,

sudah,

biarkan ini semua berakhir,

sudah,

cinta memang tak harus milikinya...

jangan paksakan kita untuk selalu bersama,

jangan paksakan kita untuk ,selalu mencinta,

bila kita harus berpisah,

sudah,

biarkan ini semua berakhir,

sudah,

cinta memang tak harus milikinya~

bila kita harus berpisah,

sudah,

biarkan ini semua berakhir,

sudah,

cinta memang tak harus miliknya..




finally..i think i found a song which she wan me 2 hear it...i guess..well..nvm..i like tis song anyway...hmm..2day is her b'day..yea..n im celebratin wif her..in my mind of coz..i dun even dare 2 wish her happy b'day...jus hope tis year..she hv a very happy b'day..jus without my surprise n present plus wishes..i guess it wont b bad..or it'll b even better without it..who noes...

day by day~

hmm..its oreadi like omost 2 months..day by day..jus a blink of an eye..the time has pass so fast..i oways wanted the time 2 walk by slower so tat i hv more tim 2 spend wif her..nw..im confuse whether how i wan the time 2 b..im lost nw..in the middle of the ocean without any direction..b4 tis..u r my compass of life..i noe wat im doin n i noe wat i should do..bt nw..im totally confuse of wat im suppose 2 do..life without u..its jus like a chicken without a head..

avoid..?or is it prevention...????

2day afternoon..suddenly i got a sms...well..lately the main use of my hp its jus 4 me 2 listen songs..coz of tat incident happen..it has been quite quiet laltely...but everynight..i'll make sure i off my silent...so tat if she wanna find me..im still reachable...i really hope it'll ring every night like b4...but..well..nvm..then when i read the msg..it was from her..she ask me whether do i hv my hp speakers wif me..tat time onli i realise she doesnt noe im at home..coz..lately we dun really tell each other bout our life anymor...i really hope it could continue like b4..but..haizz..nvm..then i say no...n he jus reply nth la..i was like..o.O..hah?like tat onli?i dowan the conversation jus stop like tis..then i keep ask her y til she say she's hvin a party 2night..the 1st thing in my mind was..a party?her b'day party??!!!my god...if it is her b'day party..how can i miss it..how can i...i quickly ask her whos party is tat?wat party..?n end up..when she told me it was her counsin sean's b'day..i was relief...then i told her if she wan..i can take it 4 her..bt the onli thing is she hv 2 come n take lo...i cant go there..bt she jus say no..n bye..i was again..sad..i mean..y such a hurry??everytim..my god~~!!!!!wat r u escapin of?me?am i tat scary..yes,i noe i hvt cut my hair..its bit ugly..bt its not til tat scary til u dun dare 2 talk 2 me right?or wat..?u try not 2 talk 2 much 2 me coz u scare u'll wat..love me or wat..??!!!yorr..u kep escape 4 wat..y so sufferin...y cant jus talk..we used 2 b the most lovely couple..n nw coz of som reason..u ke avoid me??if its not coz of me..u wan me 2 study bac..we wont even like tis right??!!!yiesh!!!