well,nw im hvin my holiday til 6 of september as my degree program starts..hmm..a long holiday,bored n bored n bored..my god..everyday..as i wake up,i hv to think..yea..another day..i dunno wat to do..wanderin around..3 pm i hv to work..til evening n hv a quick dinner then i hv to work again..god..its so bored..all my time hv been stuck up..i dunno wat to do..i mean..well,mayb ppl see me keep on workin its like good la,then u'll earn alot of money..yea right..i hv to work like shit n face all kinds of problems n challenges everyday..salary doesnt even attractive..everyday i keep on thinkin is there anyway to let me earn more n more..bt til the end..wat i got its not enuf at all..nw im actually earnin for myself..my parents no nid to spend money on me bt..its sufferin..really really sufferin..1 k per month..hv to use for the whole month n end of the day..i got ntg..life..everyday when i go home..on my pc n go to fb..expectin my so call japan gf to reply me or chat..none..my actual 1..she aint giv a shit on me nw..dunno whether she's busyin on her study or wat bt i dun hv the strenght to care anymor..huh...i still remember my last exam..the essay tat i wrote was way to got a happy life..a sentence tat i oways use to encourage ppl is oways enjoy wat u'r doin..bt..i dun..i dun at all..im findin a way out..life's is like a single man whos trap in a empty island..no way to out..hopin everyday tat som1 might jus discover me..bt in the end..dissapointment is full in my heart..nw..its rainin..n im in the college waitin for a lecturer to sign my application form to degree..haizz..bored..i wanna go for a vacation..to relax..bt my wallet is oways empty..read the newspaper n a guy..he went around the world..without spendin any money..he survived by jus acceptin frens around the world tat he dun even noe..i mean..those ppl r from fb..he post n hopin ppl around the world to support the financial needs whenever he went to a place..how admired i was when i read bout the news..i wish i could do tat bt i noe i cant..i hv to stay jus to take care of my family..everyday i sign in front of my mum..bt i still hv to wear a smile jus to show her tat im strong enuf to life..they oreadi hvin enuf streesed to fund my siblings..i dun wanna add on pressure on them..sis's startin to grow up n her mind set was bein polluted by frens around..bt we'r tryin hard to pull her bac..bro..dun even mention bout him..in my eyes..he's jus a loser..not to say tat i look down at him bt yea..he is..everyday busy bout her stupid gf tat feels like he abandone the family..wat i wish for is not much bt a place for me to jus spill out all my suffer..everyday every night..i hope to go out..jus to find som frens n hv fun..searchin in my life tat som1 could jus understand me..1 thing..1 day i dreamed bout my 1st gf n 2nd..these 2 r my favourite honestly..well,in tat dream..i manage to get bac wif my 1st,melanie..n my 2nd gf,lydia..yup,she's wif her bf..in tat dream..i was happy..at least i noe i got a chance to redo wat i did wrong..when i awake..everythin change bac to normal..i text mel to asked few question of coz..well,she rejected as i expected..i noe i was stupid to ask bt..haizz..enuf of tat..when she read bout tis,for sure she'll say tat im ammature again..i dun blame her..i noe she's a special girl in the end..i let her go when i noe tat my best fren is givn a hope on her...lydia..im glad tat she got wat she want nw..seriously..u guys noe..a zombie game name left 4 dead..tat has been a life tat i oways hope for..i mean not to say to b cruel or wat..bt in tat game..frenship,hopes r oways around..they fought for life..for frens..for wat they hope to jus stay alive everyday..might b lonely bt at least..they got a dream..a dream to revive the world..llokin at ppl nwadays disgusted me alot..ppl r selfish..they do wat they nid to do in order to protect themselves..in my mind..whenever ppl nids help n i could..i will oways lend a hand to help them survive thru the problems..y..y ppl aint goin for a try..y..y ppl r so selfish..world is endin n i could see it..every1 could..disaster r happenin everywhere..dispict of gettin closer..ppl dun even care bt makin things worst..come on..care bout every1 around u..plz..make the world more colourful like b4..stop wars n killings..stop all the crime tat u'r doin..at least..lend a hope of urs to the world..

its been somtim i updated my blog..well,my latest news..i jus finish my foundation final exam few days ago..its a relief actually tat i finally end my foudation course~well,it means tat degree program is comin n its more hard work n challenges~~well,im oreadi facin alot of it tho..my works,friendships,loves..hmm..bt im glad tat even none of devil nor angel is bsides me,im still able to complete it..im blessed tat i gain a little help from THEY tat i got to past my exam so relaxin...thankyou so much..i really appreciate it...n my life..its gettin more n moer hard bt im still here..still standin...still breathin..carmen,well,its been somtims..bt glad tat somtims,u jus suddenly appear n giv me a surprise even tho alot of dissapointment gav by u bt still..thankyou..hmm..time pass so so fast tat i din really realise tat end of the year is comin...its jus like tis for tis year..ikeep on thinkin tat..1 year..jus pass like tat bt every1 is hvin somthin on them..bt how bout me..wat hv i done tis year??well..let me see..finally i went to clubbin..n its oreadi twice,i finally bought a new hp,full touch screen n tis time is real..even tho its bac to warranty..==..ermm,i got 2 new gf,no is 3 i guess if included neko..out of 3,jasmine was failure,neko was unfutureless if there's such word,carmen was over the line..so..in conclude,love life sucks,work,got 1 or 2 new student,bt hard time comes when its actually 6-7 hundred im earnin..==..nvm,hvin single life let me got chance to do n buy things tat i wan..currently purchasin a new watch..damn nice 1 bt hope wont been cheated..n...well,hmm..guess tats all..so..wat u guys think hah??wat so special bout my year tis time?ha..non...mind seems to stop runnin..all imagination n wishes jus ends like a pop of a bubble..dissapear in the air..listened to few nice songs..1 of them was like hopin the airplane in the night sky was a wishin star..well,tat impact me..i oways hope..not to b greedy bt at least 1 of my hope will jus..hmm..yea right~~

hmm..lately..i dun really blog tat much..dunno..mayb out of those reasons,mine is..i oreadi got so fed up bout things in my life..or i jus let it b or i jus sick of it or i jus..hmm..dunno...alot of secrets..alot of things..alot of stress n alot of preasure on me lately..im findin a way to let those go..bt..i jus cant find 1..hmm..hvin gf like hvin none..ok la..let me tell u guys bout my latest news..1st..i find it kinda hard for me to blive ppl tat i care lately..make it simple..like my gf..ok..my so called ''half gf''..coz we'r hvin time out nw for her study...lately she ask me to borrow som money to her coz she nid it..ok..then afte i boro..she din really sms me or pick up my calls..well,at 1st i think it was normal coz she is like tat..bt then out of a sudden..i think tat whenever she nids me onli she will find me..others..no..am i a tool to her or wat..haizz..im so damn confuse wif tis kind of thoughts spinnin in my head man~~@.@..well then nvm..then..my workin case..im currently replacin a teacher in the tuition center coz she went off to giv birth a baby~~so i'll b replacin her for like 2 months..well,its oreadi very tough when i dun really noe the students bt i hv to teach them n they'r like comparin me n the teacher..well,obviously..i cant b really strict to them coz im not their actual teacher so they kinda take advantages on tat n bully me bit..after i show them some colours,they start to b tamed by me~~^^..onli left 1 little bastard..n his mum..tats the problematic 1..i mean..ok..ur kid is damn smart..he can understand things tat i teach very fast..bt the onli thing is..he is so damn naughty tat he noe wats the answer bt he jus act like he doesnt n keep on makin mistakes..i dun wanna point it out to u jus coz i dowan u to b embarresed..bt u in the other side..tryin to back stab me..sayin tat dunno i noe the way to teach anot..or am i qualify anot..i mean..halo~~~ok,een tho i might look young..bt do u noe how much students tat i teach hvin fly colours in their results nw??im not tryin to praise myself bt tats the fact ok?==..n plz..if u'r really tat good..then try to teach ur own son..bt unfortunately..u dun even understand ur own son..tats so sad of u..bt nvm..after 1 month time i wont b teachin ur son anymor..so nw i'll try my best to stay calm..hmm..my life..well,i jus bought a new hp which im quite happy bout it..bt..nw i think..got a new hp oso no use..no 1 sms..no calls..haizz..even for my so called japanese gf..she say she din on9 for like 1 month plus coz she's in the hospital..accident happen worr..ok..then i ask her to text me..actually alot of times oreadi..bt everytim oso no reaction..i mean,if u really mean it..n u'r so rich~~i dun think u'll find it expensiv~~bt still..haizz..nvm..im kinda fed up on tis kind of things..i'll never realy got a reply on somthin..n jus nw..i was tryin to call n text my girl..n guess wat..finally she pick up the call bt she sound so pissed coz she was slpin n i wake her up..i was like..ok fine.watever.. n i jus hang up..she did call bac bt i din pick it up..i mean..dude,i texted u like 5-6 hours ago..n u din reply..tats y i keep on text n call so tat at least u say somthin to me..nw u blame me for tat??==...haizz..dunno..stunned..confuse..moody..down..bored..all come 2gether..stress~!!!!preassure~!!!argghhh~~~~

yesterday i went to bon odori wif my students n their frens..well,it was a great night..i mean its the 1st time ever i go there since i wanted to long time ago..well,hv to say sorry to wai jian coz i drive kinda slow..bt i enjoyed the time over there...then after tat,i meet up wif lee shen 2gether wif one of my student n her bf..we went to maison after that..its oso the 1st time i went to maison..not bad ma~~jus bit crowded yesterday coz got event~~at 1st,we got 8 ppl,onli 4 of us r allowed to go in,plus my student's bf..coz he's onli 17..then..out of a sudden..all of us can go in..coz he call his father n talk..i was like..O.o..my god..so geng da??okie~~then we started our wild night..it was bit rush coz we went it at 1..so we hv to quickly finish our drink b4 3..well,i din really drink coz the 1st mouth..i oreadi feel my stomach very uncomfortable..guess it still hvnt recover after all..nvm la..when it ends..lee shen n my student was totally drunk..i hv to drive n joey hv to look after his gf who keeps on talkin in the whole journey when we goin bac~~XD...well,after sendin the couple bac..i drive lee shen to steven corner so tat he can rest awhile b4 he drive bac..tat time sittin alone quietly at mamak..think bac the whole night..it was fun..enjoyable..excitin..n i was thinkin..it'll b perfect..if u were bside me carmen..well,its ok since nw u'r hvin ur spm exam tis year n u hv to study..nvm..next year we can go 2gether~~~^^..n i texted u say tat i missed u...ask u to call or msg me in the morning..it was 5 somthin 6 when i reach home..i quickly wash up n slp..im still thinkin of wat happen the whole night...how fun of it n hopin in the mornin when i wake up..u'll at least text me n wish me gd mornin..it was around 1 in the afternoon when i wake up..i was so so tired tat i wanna continue slp..bt my stomach was grawlin..so i hv no choice bt to wake up n stuff somthin in..i took my hp n see..yea..ppl say when u hv expectation on somthin important..in the end of the day..for sure u will dissapointed..guess u guys noe wat im gonna say..she din even reply..text or call..its been 2 days..no..should say after she got my money..she disappear again..well,i was thinkin ntg de la..mayb her hp no credit again..so i went down to eat n on my netbook..i was chattin wif my fren in fb n msn n suddenly..i saw..yes!!her fren tagged her in a photo when she n her fren went to bon odori yesterday night!!!tat time..i was so fuckin pissed bt i was to hold down myself..u noe when u r so damn pissed bt u cant let it out..argghh~!!my body was shiverin!!!!not coz of scared bt anger!!!i texted her n ask her wat is tat..yea..she din reply again..fuckin jibai!!u toldme tat u cant go to bon odori coz ur mum dun let..u told me u cant sms..u told me tis u tols me tat..yea,even tho i cant meet u up or stay bside u...i choose to trust u..bt wat happen..everytim..my trust torwards other will bein taken n jus throw it on the floor n keep steppin on it!!ever since the day u took my money n din reply my msg or call..dunno y i suddenly hv a mind of y everytim when u nid me onli u'll find me??wat am i??ur bank or wat??jibai..pui!!lan jiao..fuckin bitch..each one of u r the same~~3..no..is 4~!!even jasmine..pretend to b so loyal..pui~~~all of u..disgusted me wif ur naive..fuck off dude..jus fuck off..from nw on..each cent..all money tat i earn so hard will onli spend by me..save by me..keep by me..use by me~!!!i swear i will not give,spend nor use even half a cent on any1~!!!!especially on gf!!fuck off!!!!!!!!!!!

well...havin a happy life lately~~i mean..life's in the mid rate to me nw~~no sadness..ntg special than tat..bt..to me..im oreadi so satisfied of it~~~rather than hvin those supered life~~or down deep emo~~normal to me is still the best choice..bt..i jus hope every1 i noe were happy..include u..hmm..ohya n jasmine..i noe tat u cant read my blog coz u dunno tat i hv 1 bt..plz jus 4get bout me...plz..wat u'r doin is makin both of us sufferin 2gether...n u noe tat there will b no endin wif it..so..plz jus let me go will ya~??^^..man,i sound so bad right??bt nvm..who cares..as long as im tryin to reduce every unneccesary pain n tats it..^^

hmm~~after the whole month time..finally..2day is the final for FIFA world cup..well,nertherland..dun lose a~~~~><...yesterday i went out wif my formal student,pow pow n stupid girl yan ling..actually out of so many students i hv...these 2 can counted as 1 of my favourite..well,not coz of they got a very good result bt is coz their story bhind their life..2 interstin teen..hmm..i hv a lot of fun wif them yesterday..bt din take any pics~~haizz...nvm nvm..still got next time de~~^^...lets hope next outin will b greater~~~n..lately..after hvin timeout wif my girl...things can say to b change better..i mean..we talk more..communicate more than b4...well,can it b say as a good thing??dunno..to me...jus like wat she say..tis is a period tat for us to understnad each other more b4 we really start off he journey 2gether..so...lets us pray tat everythin will b fine~~~dunno la..aiyaya..confuse a...tirin period bt not bad lately...im oreadi satisfied of tis...thankyou god...thankyou mun,thankyou my frens..n thankyou,kenn~~~^^

finally after holdin on so long..i fall...well,can say i've been waitin for tis fall so long..all these days,i tot i am a superman...i wont sick or weaken anymor..i can pass thro everythin wif no worries..no confusion..yet..tis morning when i wake up..i guess i was wrong...cold winds blow thru my bones n my body temperature was risin n fall..it was so sufferin n i smsed u to hope tat..mayb u can at least comfort me or somthin even tho u cant really use ur hp..i guess..bt til night..ntg..i called n u finally picked up..u was slpin,n u sound angry coz i wake u up..dude,cant u at least wish me gdnite or somthin??i oreadi told u tat i'll b callin u 2nite,its not tat i din inform..bt yet..tis call breaks my heart...nw..body is so damn fuckin weak n i hv to wear a sweater,long pants n socks plus my blanket to slp..so cold..i gav up ok..i tot we might b better if i jus hold on a little bit longer bt in the end,i guess..btwn both of us,if jus 1 side keep on pushin,another din even try n jus like tat..it still wont work it either way..i gav up...yes,i mean it tis time..watever u wan..its ur choice..i dun bother u anymor..my body cant take all tis anymor n nid a time out...hope u'll b happy,carmen...