jus nw i suddenly feel lke steppin into my 1st gf's blog n see..well,she open another neew blog..inside there she uses a fake name..bt another name in it kept me wonder..i dunno y..mayb out of curious or jus..dunno la..hmm..i smsed her n ask n she din reply..hmm~anyway..dun care her 1st..her new blog,touched me..not much,not little..bt jus~at the right spot..n tat feelin..my god i tell u,its like somthin attractin u,n when u wanna get close,it goes away..when u giv up,it come bac again~~annoyin yet attractin..touchin..it recalls alot of my memories ever since i get along wif her til my 2nd gf..tell u the truth..lets see..i hv around like 4-5 gf bf..bt..among those..these 2 girls r the ones which affect me alot~!!!my 1st gf's name was melanie..she's a cute girl n my primary sclmates..we met bac each other in form 2 as we'r in the same class..at 1st,we dun really talk..slowly i cant really remember y..we started to talk alot..n slowly n slowly,i fell in love wif her..she's simple,cute,nice,ammature~~XP bt yet when all tis combine 2gether,it doesnt make her look childish,she has her own way of solvin things..n tats wat attracts me..bt after 3 months,we broke up..mayb yes mayb not bt her close fren told me it was coz of one of my best fren n yea..we argue bout it for quite som tim..i mean me n my fren..bt in the end,ntg happen btwn us~~^^..nw my 2nd gf..tis girl..wao..it was a fantasy i told u..coz i..i myself never ever blive tat i hv a chance to b wif such beautiful girl~!!bt in the end as well,all i hv is jus another fantasy given by God..well,we met each other in form 3..actually b4 tis,when in form 1,we study in the same class b4 for like half a year then she switch to another class as the scl department make bit adjustment so we met bac each other in form 3..well,tat year i still remember..i cried alot..for my 1st gf..i was so sad like for 4 months...no..more than tat..even after i get wif my 2nd gf..yea,i noe i noe..im bad im a jerk blablabla..hey,u cant blame me~~its not so easy to let it go when u'r seriously into somthin n plus,i am seriously into u~~~==..ok,fine..cont wif my 2nd gf..well,in tat year,i was chosen to b the class monitor..or i should say tats the year the ''class monitor'' curse started to hunt me..coz til nw,im still holdin the position.yea,even til college..==..well,anyway..i cant really concentrate on my duty as im still holdin on my 1st gf..so i was kinda moody the whole period in scl..til 1 day..i saw my 2nd gf,she was sittin at the bac door of the scl alone..when i walk near her,i heard tat she was cryin..tat time,i dunno wat to do n the 1st thing in my mind is,give her a hug n tell her everythin will b fine..bt i reconsider..if i jus go n hug her,for ure i'll get a heavy slap..so end up..i jus sit bside her..n say its ok,ntg cant b solve n blablabla..yea..tats the moment we started to chat..tat time,she was still bein wif her ex,which nw is her bf again~==..bt they keep on arguein..n im the 1 who's keep comfort her everytim they argue n say its ok,coz he cares bout u n stuff..n at the same time,she comfort me as well whenever i think of my 1st gf n sobs in scl..yea,kinda embarrassed..then..slowly..yea..we fell in love again~~wif her...i been thro alot of stuff..i did alot of stuff tat i never think tat i'll do in my life..alot of sacrifies,bravery,experiences n alot of 1st timer..well,could say tat its a whole fantasy journey wif her..both of us jus like the main characters in a love story..our love story is so dramatic..even frens around us were sayin tat..yea..they tot tat we wont b so easy to break off from the chain,bt yet..its jus a tip of a hand..she got bac wif her ex again..n it was til i found it out..then onli she break wif me..at 1st,i seriously hate her alot u noe..i even thinkin of jus do somthin stupid,yea..wat a ammature..bt..in the end,slowly..as i started to realise alot of stuf..i let her go..jus..like tat..even til i wasnt realisin it..yea..amazing..n nw..im her consultant in love again..==haha..bt tis time,i wont fall in love wif her..coz i think she found her mr.right..^^..wish her luck..well,one down,one to go..n u,ms melanie..haizz..u'r the trouble 1..u told me b4..no matter wat happen,u wont accept me bac..u wont fall in love wif me again..yea yea yea..i noe wat i did b4 were way to serious n unforgivenable..bt..haizz..complicated to tell u..jus tat..im really sorry bout those..i noe 1 word wont heal the pain bt..sorry..really...i dunno wat should b spoken,coz whenever i missed u,i'll think of u n my best fren..jus..arggh..the feelin was so complicated..u said tat i was a playboy nw..desperate for girls..bt u dunno tat actually im not..im jus...tryin to find somthin in tis world..somthin we call it ''true love''..since i was young...i dun really got family love as i was the 2nd son,which normally ppl dun really love them,they onli concern for the 1st n the last..n i was oways bein bullied by others..as i grow older..i learn to protect myself..bt yet,inside the sheild,its empty..ntgs in there..the 1st love i had was a failure coz of my temper,the 2nd,same..nw..finally i get to control it more n more..n im gettin better in it..bt,when i look bac..i saw tat everythin b4 tis...i missed it..i missed it all~~its jus too late..no matter wat i do..its jus too late..bt i oways pray to god..god,give me a chance to return to the past n do it right again..well,we all noe tat its impossible..nw,i dun wanna go bac..i wanna start it again~haizz..bt i dun think i hv the chance lo..actually..u all dun understand me..im jus a simple boy..even tho i might look tough from the outside bt inside is as soft as a feather..try to get into my life n slowly u'll understand me..unfortunately,no1 wanna take the risk of it..all jus gave up b4 tryin..haizz..no choice la..mayb it doesnt seem worth it anyway..hmm..im still waitin..waitin for the chance..n waitin for u..i might look flowery bt im real inside my heart..jus tat im still waitin for u to open it up..uncover the mystery,n discover the truth of it..

hmm...omost 1 month lo...haizz..pbt still the same.no matter wat kind of ways i try..still the same..she still dun reply me msg..dun call n stuff..sometims it makes me wonder..wat am i to her~~is she playin a fool wif me..or she is really tat busy..??bt..its the 1st 3 months for us,y feel like ntg de??once ppl say,if u got a cigarette on ur hand,a girl n a life with u,tats heaven..well,i got a cigaratte,in fact..i smoke alot..bt a nice life..??nah..i work damn hard for it..girl~~yea,i got 2..1 in japan..1 over here..japan..if she really is serious,still too far~~no use..over here tis 1..yea..so damn near to me..bt so wat..??jus feel like strangers btwn us..haizz..still livin in hell then...god..wat happen oh..y like tis de??i seriously tryin so hard for everythin nw..i really wan everythin around me work it out..bt y im seein like i screwed everythin?!!!arghh..i jus so pissed of myself..y cant i get a better life..i oways wander wat kind of life i had in my past life..izzit coz i did too many wrong thing..in tis life..i feel like im jus keep on payin bac to every1..jus like i owe them alot~!!!haizz...sien a..so damn bored of my life..who can save me from tis hell~~~plz~~~~~

hmm...b wif u oways 2weeks time baby~~yea..how fast the time past..we noe each other since primary scl..bt after 6 years time..we grow til we dun even recognize each other..at 1st when i noe tat,i was so surprise n excited..bt..seems like i still cant run away from tat curse of urs..no matter wat i tell u,there will oways ntg reply~~no matter how many times i call,u wont pick up or u'll jus hang up my call..its the 1st time ever in my life tat i hv such wide endurance towards som1..n yet..no matter how many times i told u dun try to test on my endurance..u wont take it in..it makin me so dissapointed tat i started to giv up on u...its not tat i dun love u anymor..bt im gettin so damn tired of oways hvin a hope on u n yet u keep on crushin it 1 by 1..not once..not twice..bt everytim...there's no tears from me to u...bt a damn cool heart..dun blame me babe..im sick enuf of all these..im so sry to say..i gav up..jus do watever u wan..til u realize me,i wont find u anymor...im so broken again..n tis time,is u~~~

2day is fathers' day..n a special day as well,carmen's b'day..bt..its oso another day which she dun pick up my calls n dun reply my msgs..it got worst when its her b'day n i cant scold or do anythin~!!!wasai..kanasai..wat the fuck is so hard bout takin up ur fuckin hp n jus press those buttons hah??jibai..r u playin a fool wif me or wat..wat the fuck u wan~!!!do u noe tat every single ppl has its own limitation n u~!!!r fuckin overed my own limitation!!!!!!!!if its not coz im fuckin controlin my own temper..u,oreadi got shot by me..arrggghh~~!!!i seriously fuckin angry of u,girl..wat the fuck u really wan~??!!!!!wat is it so different bwtn u n me than others couples???u dun like sms??how bout calls??dude..u dun even hv to do anythin bt jus pick it up n listen n talk..wat is it so hard or lazy bout??!!!!!!n u oreadi screw our date 4 times!!!!is 4 times!!!!!i duno whther u r really tat busy or wat..bt fuck u,if u let me find out tat u'r fuckin playin wif me...u'll noe wat happens to u...god,curse u to hell girl~!!!stay serious n do tat when ppl is serious to u~!!!!arggghhh~~~nw im fuckin mad n nuts n i startin to crap~~i dun even noe wat am i fuckin talkin bout~!!!!!!FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!ARRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

电话没钱了?是因为我的样子不够帅，所以不想我了？为什么一整天都没有你的消息？没有听到你声音的一天，让我整个情绪都低落了，我想告诉你，我真的很想你。奴隶的让你没一天更加的爱我，希望每一天都能听到你的声音，陪伴着你，但是到头来，也只能带着失落的心情度过漫长的夜晚。想和你分享每一个喜怒哀乐，但换取的却也只是等待和失落。也许是我不够帅，也许是我不够好，但我想给你的却是百分百的美好。坏脾气的我，有时真的等得很不耐烦，但是为了不让你懊恼，也只能忍耐。不想让你难过落泪，也避免和你争吵，心想只要你回我，就是幸福。我的心你又看懂吗？我的爱你有感受到吗？我希望的，也只是能好好的爱你，所以请你不要再把我给推开，让我住进你的心里，可以吗？？

hmm...im bac~~~^^...2day is a public holiday...well,i cancel my tuition class n went out wif my family to tanjung sepat~~!!!nice place..fresh seafood...nice seaside~~~owh i love my day~~~^^v..well,2day carmen went to pd wif her family for 2 days trip..hmm..miss her so much nw..even tho we din really meet b4..bt..im so confuse..i dunno wat to do..i wanted to love her more..bt i cant..im scare..wat if..same thing happens to me like in the ''jasmine'' case..haizz..god..next tuesday we'r goin out..for the 1st time~!!!!!!!!!!!!so plz..god..plz bless me..i really hope to get som1 to love~~~~plz~~~~~~~~~><