haizz..fuckin jibai du9lan~!!!!!!!!!argghh..lately my life is drivin me crazy man..remember the japanese girl...fuck..she uploads som of her pics lately..n guess wat..every single pic oso dun look the same de..wat the fuck..even make ups dun make u totally change into another person right.??!!!haizz...oso dunno she's fake or real de..haizz~sien oreadi..then nw change target on a girl name carmen mun mun..her name is omost alike wif my ex jasmine..gosh..well..ok la bt 1 thing pissed me off bout her is..i msg her..she jus reply me 2 3 words..n..somtims i hv to wait the whole day jus to get her reply or somtims she dun even reply..==walao..i really dunno whther she likes me anot lo~~~pengsan man~~!!!kanasai liao..du9lan~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hmm...saturday..wat a boring day man~~~~well,yesterday i wentfor a movie ''a nightmare at the elm street'' wif my frens..it wasnt really tat scary,bt my frens was all freaked out by it~~XP..especially cheryl..we cheated her n told her tat we'r goin to watch shrek..haha..well,even tho it wasnt tat scary..bt dunno y,after tat movie..i suddenly feel so damn depressed..som words jus keep appear in my mind..lies..all kinds of lies...startin form the day we were all born,we thought tat tis world will b so perfect,so beautiful..bt all of these r lies...slowly as we grow..we happen to b stuck in all kinds of lies,parent lies to us in order for us to stay good,we lie to parent jus for them not to worry bout us,frens lie among frens jus to take advantages from them..lovers lie to each other jus to make them feel safe wif them..workers lies to their bosses so tat they can keep their job..bosses lie to their workers jus to increase their profit..customers lie to the owner jus to gain more discount,owner lie to customers jus to earn more..government lie to their ppl jus to make sure tat they'r loyal to them..ppl lie to their government jus to stay out of trouble..lies..lies lies..everywhere..i still remember tat i wrote bout an essay b4 bout humans real identity..a true face bhind the mask..all of us r wearin a mask..mayb we'll wonder,when can we take off the mask n live..the answer is no,never...is a fact tat lies,is the onli way for us to survive..if we dun,we'r goin to b estimate by tis world..bt where's the truth..??there's no truth in tis world..a proverb said..there's no right nor wrong in tis world..the onli thing is how u manage it..wat is wrong mayb right to others,n vice versa..tats y..the onli thing we can to is keep on lyin..in order to survive,we hv to n its a mus...bt..where's the world tat we oways dream of...the beautiful,peaceful world..will there b any of tis..??do we really hv to lie til the day we die..??i oways wonder...wats the reason i live in tis world..for a long period i search for the answer..the onli solution i got for it is...we hv no reason to survive..we jus hv to..for others,for urself..for the answer we'r searchin for...if we die,we'll never noe the answer..bt as long as we stay alive,we still hv a hope..a hope to find the solution u oways dream of..a hope to take a peep in the wonderful world u oways dream of..a hope..for the future~~~

wow..2day is a day tat was full or surprises~~~i mean.. at 1st..i dun really wanna go to scl tis morning coz i was so damn tired..bt end up,i get up,wash up n prepare everythin n jus go to scl...well,when reach scl..istart to do my account homework which i din do it~XP..then my fren dennis starts to tell me bout there's 1 japanese girl he jus met on fb yesterday..she's cute n stuff..so i on my netbook n search for her in fb..well,eventually i added her..in the afternoon,she on9 n accepted me..so we started to chat..n surprisingly..she accepted me as her bf~~O.O..yea..i was stun..til nw~!!!i mean..i dun really noe whether she's serious bout it or not or she's jus a faker in the net u noe..bt..well,no matter wat..its kinda fun over it..i mean..if its true..then it'll b nice if a ihv a japanese gf n i'll for sure go visit japan if i got the money~~^^..well,then..in msn another pretty girl chat wif me..well,we added each other in fb bt din chat b4..so we started to chat 2day n things goes on quite well..my god..wats wrong wif my luck 2day..even tho it surprise me alot..bt it freaks me out bit..is tis an early sign to tell me tat a big disaster is comin or wat..???XS..pray to god..jus let all tis b real~~amen~~

2day i went out wif nat..hmm..i dunno..mayb its a great day i guess..coz..finally..i get to noe somthin..somthin tat has been confusin me all around...n the ansswer tat i was findin all along..well..gettin to noe the answer was bit sufferin..bt at least..in the end..i was relieve...finally...2day coz both of us got ntg to do..so we decided to go out n hv lunch at pizza hut wif her mum 1st..well,i was payin for tat..then we went to midvally..she said she wanted to buy som books n somthin for him..so we kinda hang around..n after she bought wat she wanted..my stomach was starving so we went to sushi king..tats the time i finally got the answer..at 1st..we was chattin bout somthin..then finally i braved up myself n ask..n thro tat question..she said..when both of us been together..she din even try to 4get bout him..she never wanted to..n tat time..i noe..she found the 1 she wan..b4 tis..i tot i was the special 1 for her..bt end up..im jus a replacement tool tat helps her to jus temporary 4get bout him..well..in the end i doesnt really work tat well n yeap they got 2gether..hmm..at 1st.i suffer 4 awhile..i admit..i was kinda shock n sad plus heart broken at tat very moment..bt it jus lasted 4 awhile..guess i should oreadi guess it out when we both get 2gether..its jus tat im jus tryin my best to cheat myself tat she oreadi 4got bout him n she love me..jus me..hmm..tis secret..tis pain..it has been sufferin me so so much..finally..i could let it go...finally...n at tis very same day..finally jasmine gav up on me as well..well..another pain ended..hmm..bt still..i hv to say sorry to all of u who i hurt b4..im so so so deeply sorry bout it..especially u,ying..the girl i love so much wif my heart..i hurt u in many ways b4..im so sorry..i let ur tears drop..i sorry i let u bleed..im sorry tat i cant do it right when helpin u to recover form the pain..but im glad ta nw u finally got wat u wanted...n u jasmine..im sorry coz i hurt u..we shouldnt even started a relationship..it was totally a mistake..i admit it was all my fault so..sorry...bt dun worry..the memories of me in ur mind will jus last for awhile..slowly i'll not exist in ur mind anymor...its the destiny tat both of us cant b 2gether no matter how hard we try girl..trust me..i cant n i wont plus i dun love u...im sorry to say tat..lovin me will jus get u wounded everywhere in the end...let it go while u still can n tats the best choice...well..good thing is every single question,confusions,problems n answers i got it 2day..the bad thing is..u noe when som1 is so so tired numb 4 so long..guess when they lost the reason of tat..the same time..it might b a good news to me..bt i lost the faith tat i oways hv in me as well..guess..im not tat special to any1..im jus me..the tiny little me..

hmm..tot it'll b a fine day..well..at 1st i tot i was..bt unfortunately it starts to turn bad since afternoon..well,i cant really blame her anyway..2day i was goin to hv my econ presentation at 3..so i bath n prepare myself at 1..at 2,im waitin for the bus to come n get to lrt station...i look at the time n i noe it's comin soon..then,my hp ring..a msg from jasmine..she wish me luck n said 2day she wont come to my college n stuff..then when i finish readin the msg n look up..the bus jus left in front of my eyes..i was liek wat the fuck..argghh~~!!!!!!!!once rapidkl is gone..u hv to wait like half an hour onli they'll hv another bus..somtims it'll b like 1 hour..i got so pissed n startin to think cant she jus leave me alone~!!!!!im sick wif her..we'r imppossible to get bac together again~!!!!then my mum fetch me to the station..well..tat stupid lrt..in the middle of the journey..it stopped for like 10mins..omg..i was bout to b late for my class..once i got down..i rush to the class..i was wearin so damn formal 2day..n guess wat..when i reach class..i was so fuckin sweaty..fine..at least class is air-conditioned..so finally finished my presentation..well..tis month i over used my money..so i got no money left 2day...hv no choice bt to take bus after scl..bt..the sky starts to rain~~argghh...it was so fuckin hot the whole day..u can rain anytim u wan..y mus rain when i finish my scl n wanna go home~!!!!!nvm,i walk under the rain..light up a cigarette..feel tat 2day wasnt tat smooth at all..hopin it end up good at night..but guess wat..it took me 1 hour plus to reach bac..==i was so damn tired n hungry...after we hv dinner..we go home..i on9 n on my fb..then suddenly my best fren's girl msg me..she say my best fren got nuts again coz she went out wif her ex 2day..then i was like y u wanna do tis since u noe he's goin to get angry..girls oways do stuff even they noe their partner will got angry in the end..then she suddenly ask bout my another best fren..then i felt not right about it..i starts sayin stuff like dun do somthin wrong n bla bla bla..in the end..she n my BEST FREN r actually makin fun of me..haha..so funny..==...i got so pissed..no..i wasnt even pissed..i was so fuckin tired..tired of those stupid games..tired of my life routine..tired of hvin the guilty feelin in my heart coz i hurt som1..tired of everythin..i jus nid som1..som relax..i jus wish to go away..i've b so so nice to every1..end up..each 1 of u jus noe how to take advantages from me..well..tis is how the world works..if there's somthin free..u not onli take it..but take it as much as u can since its free..n tats y..being good in tis world nw will oways got somthin negative in the end..jus like me..when got a potential job n 1st person i tot of was my best fren coz he nid money badly..jus dowan he n her gf argue again..i was bein so nice of carin them..yea right..these is all i got..best fren..??!!i dun nid 1..i dun nid any1 in my life..jus leave me alone u sons of bitches...go to hell~~i curse u all fuckers~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hmm..finally..i think yes..i giv up...girl..i dowanna hurt u no more..jus let me go ok..??i noe i've been such a jerk to treat u like tis...but i jus cant cont anymor wif u..sorry...after all..no matter wat u say...u'll still onli b a passerby in my life..at 1st..i tot mayb..there's somthin missin wif u..i try my best to hink..but nw i finally found out tat..the problem wasnt on u..it was me...i was the problem..im oways the problem...even startin from my 1st relationship..im oways the problem to every1..u said u can melt down my heart n b my angel..no offence but im very very sure tat u cant...not to say tat i dun let u try or wat..bt i noe..i noe wat kind of person n attitude u hv..there's 0 percentage tat u can do it..trust me..if u cont..i think it'll jus properly make it even more worst...jus let me go girl...u'r not the one..i mean im not the one which is good enuf for u..u'r such a good n nice girl n i dowanna hurt u no matter in wat ways...i've try to reduce those pain tat i caused to u..so jus plz..let go b4 it hurts even more...im not good enuf for u..jus aint good enuf...im a jerk..a totally jerk...i noe..once i annouce im single again...i'll receive all kinds of comments..but i dun care..i hv no choice but to ask u to leave..i dun wanna hurt any1 anymor in my life..nw i noe..hurtin som1 is worst than bein hurt..the feelin of guilt...is so so so strong til u cant breath..n til u'r insane to jus think of a way to get rid of it..i used to say..hvin an empty vessel is so awful...but nw i understand tat livin wif a numb heart is even worst than empty..if u'r empty..wats wif u is jus ntg at all..but once u'r numb..u cant love anymor..n wif tat..every1 who u would wanna care bout will jus got hurt by u....it'll take a very very long time til i break my own way out from tat darkness..but til then..jasmine..im really really sorry...mayb its jus a word tat is not enuf to cover up the pain i got for u..but i can say..at least tis word is a word tat i really mean it when i say it to u...sorry...

hmm..any1 who come n drop a comment in my blog..plz tell me who u r~~thanks...haizz...jasmine...i dunno wat to say n wats wrong wif me...so..im here to say sorry..its not ur fault actually..mayb pplwho r readin my blog nw r thinkin tat actually im another jerk who lives in tis world..yea..i admit it tat nw im startin to change into 1...i mean..is not tat im playin u girl...jus tat..out of a sudden...i felt tat my heart had oreadi numb..i hv no other feelings u noe...gosh..i wish som1 could cure me..but..sorry to say tat..mine,i'll still treat u like how a good bf should treat his gf..i wont betraye u but...im sorry...tats all i can say...mayb..tat curse of myself startin to work nw..i curse myself in front of her b4 tat no1 else will get my true love again~~oh shit..mayb it starts to work...but dun worry..u'll still enjoy the love tat u should had..^^..im a jerk n im a jerk~~yay~~~~

hmm..these few days my life was not tat bad at all..well,i admit tat coz my life is light up by her..n yesterday we went to MV to catch a movie..n after tat i drive her bac..b4 she left..we kissed..but..coz of tat kiss..suddenly my mind pop out a question..y is there..an emptiness appear...i asked myself..y..out of a sudden..i feel tat she's jus a passerby..i mean..my feelings told me to stop puttin in...haizz...well...coz of tat...til nw..im still confusin...haizz...mayb..im jus din really recover from where i fall...mayb all these r jus appearance which oreadi fool me away...but in actual..theres ntg else but empty...jasmine..i noe u wont hv a chance to take a look in my blog..n...wat im gonna say is..im sorry if in the future i hurt u or somthin..but..im so sorry...mayb tats wat i hv in my life...sorry....

hmm..it has been days ever since we got 2gether,jasmine...well..we noe each other quite well nw..it feels very nice n sweet wif u..even tho somtims u bullied me alot..XS but..im feelin thankful n grateful tat got bless me to hv u wif me..muax..i love u,dear...hopefully we could get along 2gether nice n sweet~~friday n saturday we'r goin out again~~yay~~^^v