the hardest period in my life~

nw im goin under the hardest period in my life..i noe i gonna change alot 2 get her bac..but i noe i oreadi change..the onli problem nw is how 2 get her bac..my god~!!!!!!everytime i see her smiled when she sms-ed wif him..everytim i hv 2 smile n laugh 2 pretend nth happen..everytim when i smelled her scene..everytim when i hold her..ARGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!F**K!!!GOD HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!jus giv me some clue in it..i hate it..y..y i noe she's oways bside me..y..y i noe tat she still love me n waitin 4 me 2 prove tat i changed but y i cant!!!!WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!I HATE MYSELF COZ I CANT DO A THING..WHY~!!!!!!!!!!