hmm..lately..i dun really blog tat much..dunno..mayb out of those reasons,mine is..i oreadi got so fed up bout things in my life..or i jus let it b or i jus sick of it or i jus..hmm..dunno...alot of secrets..alot of things..alot of stress n alot of preasure on me lately..im findin a way to let those go..bt..i jus cant find 1..hmm..hvin gf like hvin none..ok la..let me tell u guys bout my latest news..1st..i find it kinda hard for me to blive ppl tat i care lately..make it simple..like my gf..ok..my so called ''half gf''..coz we'r hvin time out nw for her study...lately she ask me to borrow som money to her coz she nid it..ok..then afte i boro..she din really sms me or pick up my calls..well,at 1st i think it was normal coz she is like tat..bt then out of a sudden..i think tat whenever she nids me onli she will find me..others..no..am i a tool to her or wat..haizz..im so damn confuse wif tis kind of thoughts spinnin in my head man~~@.@..well then nvm..then..my workin case..im currently replacin a teacher in the tuition center coz she went off to giv birth a baby~~so i'll b replacin her for like 2 months..well,its oreadi very tough when i dun really noe the students bt i hv to teach them n they'r like comparin me n the teacher..well,obviously..i cant b really strict to them coz im not their actual teacher so they kinda take advantages on tat n bully me bit..after i show them some colours,they start to b tamed by me~~^^..onli left 1 little bastard..n his mum..tats the problematic 1..i mean..ok..ur kid is damn smart..he can understand things tat i teach very fast..bt the onli thing is..he is so damn naughty tat he noe wats the answer bt he jus act like he doesnt n keep on makin mistakes..i dun wanna point it out to u jus coz i dowan u to b embarresed..bt u in the other side..tryin to back stab me..sayin tat dunno i noe the way to teach anot..or am i qualify anot..i mean..halo~~~ok,een tho i might look young..bt do u noe how much students tat i teach hvin fly colours in their results nw??im not tryin to praise myself bt tats the fact ok?==..n plz..if u'r really tat good..then try to teach ur own son..bt unfortunately..u dun even understand ur own son..tats so sad of u..bt nvm..after 1 month time i wont b teachin ur son anymor..so nw i'll try my best to stay calm..hmm..my life..well,i jus bought a new hp which im quite happy bout it..bt..nw i think..got a new hp oso no use..no 1 sms..no calls..haizz..even for my so called japanese gf..she say she din on9 for like 1 month plus coz she's in the hospital..accident happen worr..ok..then i ask her to text me..actually alot of times oreadi..bt everytim oso no reaction..i mean,if u really mean it..n u'r so rich~~i dun think u'll find it expensiv~~bt still..haizz..nvm..im kinda fed up on tis kind of things..i'll never realy got a reply on somthin..n jus nw..i was tryin to call n text my girl..n guess wat..finally she pick up the call bt she sound so pissed coz she was slpin n i wake her up..i was like..ok fine.watever.. n i jus hang up..she did call bac bt i din pick it up..i mean..dude,i texted u like 5-6 hours ago..n u din reply..tats y i keep on text n call so tat at least u say somthin to me..nw u blame me for tat??==...haizz..dunno..stunned..confuse..moody..down..bored..all come 2gether..stress~!!!!preassure~!!!argghhh~~~~

yesterday i went to bon odori wif my students n their frens..well,it was a great night..i mean its the 1st time ever i go there since i wanted to long time ago..well,hv to say sorry to wai jian coz i drive kinda slow..bt i enjoyed the time over there...then after tat,i meet up wif lee shen 2gether wif one of my student n her bf..we went to maison after that..its oso the 1st time i went to maison..not bad ma~~jus bit crowded yesterday coz got event~~at 1st,we got 8 ppl,onli 4 of us r allowed to go in,plus my student's bf..coz he's onli 17..then..out of a sudden..all of us can go in..coz he call his father n talk..i was like..O.o..my god..so geng da??okie~~then we started our wild night..it was bit rush coz we went it at 1..so we hv to quickly finish our drink b4 3..well,i din really drink coz the 1st mouth..i oreadi feel my stomach very uncomfortable..guess it still hvnt recover after all..nvm la..when it ends..lee shen n my student was totally drunk..i hv to drive n joey hv to look after his gf who keeps on talkin in the whole journey when we goin bac~~XD...well,after sendin the couple bac..i drive lee shen to steven corner so tat he can rest awhile b4 he drive bac..tat time sittin alone quietly at mamak..think bac the whole night..it was fun..enjoyable..excitin..n i was thinkin..it'll b perfect..if u were bside me carmen..well,its ok since nw u'r hvin ur spm exam tis year n u hv to study..nvm..next year we can go 2gether~~~^^..n i texted u say tat i missed u...ask u to call or msg me in the morning..it was 5 somthin 6 when i reach home..i quickly wash up n slp..im still thinkin of wat happen the whole night...how fun of it n hopin in the mornin when i wake up..u'll at least text me n wish me gd mornin..it was around 1 in the afternoon when i wake up..i was so so tired tat i wanna continue slp..bt my stomach was grawlin..so i hv no choice bt to wake up n stuff somthin in..i took my hp n see..yea..ppl say when u hv expectation on somthin important..in the end of the day..for sure u will dissapointed..guess u guys noe wat im gonna say..she din even reply..text or call..its been 2 days..no..should say after she got my money..she disappear again..well,i was thinkin ntg de la..mayb her hp no credit again..so i went down to eat n on my netbook..i was chattin wif my fren in fb n msn n suddenly..i saw..yes!!her fren tagged her in a photo when she n her fren went to bon odori yesterday night!!!tat time..i was so fuckin pissed bt i was to hold down myself..u noe when u r so damn pissed bt u cant let it out..argghh~!!my body was shiverin!!!!not coz of scared bt anger!!!i texted her n ask her wat is tat..yea..she din reply again..fuckin jibai!!u toldme tat u cant go to bon odori coz ur mum dun let..u told me u cant sms..u told me tis u tols me tat..yea,even tho i cant meet u up or stay bside u...i choose to trust u..bt wat happen..everytim..my trust torwards other will bein taken n jus throw it on the floor n keep steppin on it!!ever since the day u took my money n din reply my msg or call..dunno y i suddenly hv a mind of y everytim when u nid me onli u'll find me??wat am i??ur bank or wat??jibai..pui!!lan jiao..fuckin bitch..each one of u r the same~~3..no..is 4~!!even jasmine..pretend to b so loyal..pui~~~all of u..disgusted me wif ur naive..fuck off dude..jus fuck off..from nw on..each cent..all money tat i earn so hard will onli spend by me..save by me..keep by me..use by me~!!!i swear i will not give,spend nor use even half a cent on any1~!!!!especially on gf!!fuck off!!!!!!!!!!!

well...havin a happy life lately~~i mean..life's in the mid rate to me nw~~no sadness..ntg special than tat..bt..to me..im oreadi so satisfied of it~~~rather than hvin those supered life~~or down deep emo~~normal to me is still the best choice..bt..i jus hope every1 i noe were happy..include u..hmm..ohya n jasmine..i noe tat u cant read my blog coz u dunno tat i hv 1 bt..plz jus 4get bout me...plz..wat u'r doin is makin both of us sufferin 2gether...n u noe tat there will b no endin wif it..so..plz jus let me go will ya~??^^..man,i sound so bad right??bt nvm..who cares..as long as im tryin to reduce every unneccesary pain n tats it..^^

hmm~~after the whole month time..finally..2day is the final for FIFA world cup..well,nertherland..dun lose a~~~~><...yesterday i went out wif my formal student,pow pow n stupid girl yan ling..actually out of so many students i hv...these 2 can counted as 1 of my favourite..well,not coz of they got a very good result bt is coz their story bhind their life..2 interstin teen..hmm..i hv a lot of fun wif them yesterday..bt din take any pics~~haizz...nvm nvm..still got next time de~~^^...lets hope next outin will b greater~~~n..lately..after hvin timeout wif my girl...things can say to b change better..i mean..we talk more..communicate more than b4...well,can it b say as a good thing??dunno..to me...jus like wat she say..tis is a period tat for us to understnad each other more b4 we really start off he journey 2gether..so...lets us pray tat everythin will b fine~~~dunno la..aiyaya..confuse a...tirin period bt not bad lately...im oreadi satisfied of tis...thankyou god...thankyou mun,thankyou my frens..n thankyou,kenn~~~^^

finally after holdin on so long..i fall...well,can say i've been waitin for tis fall so long..all these days,i tot i am a superman...i wont sick or weaken anymor..i can pass thro everythin wif no worries..no confusion..yet..tis morning when i wake up..i guess i was wrong...cold winds blow thru my bones n my body temperature was risin n fall..it was so sufferin n i smsed u to hope tat..mayb u can at least comfort me or somthin even tho u cant really use ur hp..i guess..bt til night..ntg..i called n u finally picked up..u was slpin,n u sound angry coz i wake u up..dude,cant u at least wish me gdnite or somthin??i oreadi told u tat i'll b callin u 2nite,its not tat i din inform..bt yet..tis call breaks my heart...nw..body is so damn fuckin weak n i hv to wear a sweater,long pants n socks plus my blanket to slp..so cold..i gav up ok..i tot we might b better if i jus hold on a little bit longer bt in the end,i guess..btwn both of us,if jus 1 side keep on pushin,another din even try n jus like tat..it still wont work it either way..i gav up...yes,i mean it tis time..watever u wan..its ur choice..i dun bother u anymor..my body cant take all tis anymor n nid a time out...hope u'll b happy,carmen...

jus nw i suddenly feel lke steppin into my 1st gf's blog n see..well,she open another neew blog..inside there she uses a fake name..bt another name in it kept me wonder..i dunno y..mayb out of curious or jus..dunno la..hmm..i smsed her n ask n she din reply..hmm~anyway..dun care her 1st..her new blog,touched me..not much,not little..bt jus~at the right spot..n tat feelin..my god i tell u,its like somthin attractin u,n when u wanna get close,it goes away..when u giv up,it come bac again~~annoyin yet attractin..touchin..it recalls alot of my memories ever since i get along wif her til my 2nd gf..tell u the truth..lets see..i hv around like 4-5 gf bf..bt..among those..these 2 girls r the ones which affect me alot~!!!my 1st gf's name was melanie..she's a cute girl n my primary sclmates..we met bac each other in form 2 as we'r in the same class..at 1st,we dun really talk..slowly i cant really remember y..we started to talk alot..n slowly n slowly,i fell in love wif her..she's simple,cute,nice,ammature~~XP bt yet when all tis combine 2gether,it doesnt make her look childish,she has her own way of solvin things..n tats wat attracts me..bt after 3 months,we broke up..mayb yes mayb not bt her close fren told me it was coz of one of my best fren n yea..we argue bout it for quite som tim..i mean me n my fren..bt in the end,ntg happen btwn us~~^^..nw my 2nd gf..tis girl..wao..it was a fantasy i told u..coz i..i myself never ever blive tat i hv a chance to b wif such beautiful girl~!!bt in the end as well,all i hv is jus another fantasy given by God..well,we met each other in form 3..actually b4 tis,when in form 1,we study in the same class b4 for like half a year then she switch to another class as the scl department make bit adjustment so we met bac each other in form 3..well,tat year i still remember..i cried alot..for my 1st gf..i was so sad like for 4 months...no..more than tat..even after i get wif my 2nd gf..yea,i noe i noe..im bad im a jerk blablabla..hey,u cant blame me~~its not so easy to let it go when u'r seriously into somthin n plus,i am seriously into u~~~==..ok,fine..cont wif my 2nd gf..well,in tat year,i was chosen to b the class monitor..or i should say tats the year the ''class monitor'' curse started to hunt me..coz til nw,im still holdin the position.yea,even til college..==..well,anyway..i cant really concentrate on my duty as im still holdin on my 1st gf..so i was kinda moody the whole period in scl..til 1 day..i saw my 2nd gf,she was sittin at the bac door of the scl alone..when i walk near her,i heard tat she was cryin..tat time,i dunno wat to do n the 1st thing in my mind is,give her a hug n tell her everythin will b fine..bt i reconsider..if i jus go n hug her,for ure i'll get a heavy slap..so end up..i jus sit bside her..n say its ok,ntg cant b solve n blablabla..yea..tats the moment we started to chat..tat time,she was still bein wif her ex,which nw is her bf again~==..bt they keep on arguein..n im the 1 who's keep comfort her everytim they argue n say its ok,coz he cares bout u n stuff..n at the same time,she comfort me as well whenever i think of my 1st gf n sobs in scl..yea,kinda embarrassed..then..slowly..yea..we fell in love again~~wif her...i been thro alot of stuff..i did alot of stuff tat i never think tat i'll do in my life..alot of sacrifies,bravery,experiences n alot of 1st timer..well,could say tat its a whole fantasy journey wif her..both of us jus like the main characters in a love story..our love story is so dramatic..even frens around us were sayin tat..yea..they tot tat we wont b so easy to break off from the chain,bt yet..its jus a tip of a hand..she got bac wif her ex again..n it was til i found it out..then onli she break wif me..at 1st,i seriously hate her alot u noe..i even thinkin of jus do somthin stupid,yea..wat a ammature..bt..in the end,slowly..as i started to realise alot of stuf..i let her go..jus..like tat..even til i wasnt realisin it..yea..amazing..n nw..im her consultant in love again..==haha..bt tis time,i wont fall in love wif her..coz i think she found her mr.right..^^..wish her luck..well,one down,one to go..n u,ms melanie..haizz..u'r the trouble 1..u told me b4..no matter wat happen,u wont accept me bac..u wont fall in love wif me again..yea yea yea..i noe wat i did b4 were way to serious n unforgivenable..bt..haizz..complicated to tell u..jus tat..im really sorry bout those..i noe 1 word wont heal the pain bt..sorry..really...i dunno wat should b spoken,coz whenever i missed u,i'll think of u n my best fren..jus..arggh..the feelin was so complicated..u said tat i was a playboy nw..desperate for girls..bt u dunno tat actually im not..im jus...tryin to find somthin in tis world..somthin we call it ''true love''..since i was young...i dun really got family love as i was the 2nd son,which normally ppl dun really love them,they onli concern for the 1st n the last..n i was oways bein bullied by others..as i grow older..i learn to protect myself..bt yet,inside the sheild,its empty..ntgs in there..the 1st love i had was a failure coz of my temper,the 2nd,same..nw..finally i get to control it more n more..n im gettin better in it..bt,when i look bac..i saw tat everythin b4 tis...i missed it..i missed it all~~its jus too late..no matter wat i do..its jus too late..bt i oways pray to god..god,give me a chance to return to the past n do it right again..well,we all noe tat its impossible..nw,i dun wanna go bac..i wanna start it again~haizz..bt i dun think i hv the chance lo..actually..u all dun understand me..im jus a simple boy..even tho i might look tough from the outside bt inside is as soft as a feather..try to get into my life n slowly u'll understand me..unfortunately,no1 wanna take the risk of it..all jus gave up b4 tryin..haizz..no choice la..mayb it doesnt seem worth it anyway..hmm..im still waitin..waitin for the chance..n waitin for u..i might look flowery bt im real inside my heart..jus tat im still waitin for u to open it up..uncover the mystery,n discover the truth of it..

hmm...omost 1 month lo...haizz..pbt still the same.no matter wat kind of ways i try..still the same..she still dun reply me msg..dun call n stuff..sometims it makes me wonder..wat am i to her~~is she playin a fool wif me..or she is really tat busy..??bt..its the 1st 3 months for us,y feel like ntg de??once ppl say,if u got a cigarette on ur hand,a girl n a life with u,tats heaven..well,i got a cigaratte,in fact..i smoke alot..bt a nice life..??nah..i work damn hard for it..girl~~yea,i got 2..1 in japan..1 over here..japan..if she really is serious,still too far~~no use..over here tis 1..yea..so damn near to me..bt so wat..??jus feel like strangers btwn us..haizz..still livin in hell then...god..wat happen oh..y like tis de??i seriously tryin so hard for everythin nw..i really wan everythin around me work it out..bt y im seein like i screwed everythin?!!!arghh..i jus so pissed of myself..y cant i get a better life..i oways wander wat kind of life i had in my past life..izzit coz i did too many wrong thing..in tis life..i feel like im jus keep on payin bac to every1..jus like i owe them alot~!!!haizz...sien a..so damn bored of my life..who can save me from tis hell~~~plz~~~~~