avoid..?or is it prevention...????

2day afternoon..suddenly i got a sms...well..lately the main use of my hp its jus 4 me 2 listen songs..coz of tat incident happen..it has been quite quiet laltely...but everynight..i'll make sure i off my silent...so tat if she wanna find me..im still reachable...i really hope it'll ring every night like b4...but..well..nvm..then when i read the msg..it was from her..she ask me whether do i hv my hp speakers wif me..tat time onli i realise she doesnt noe im at home..coz..lately we dun really tell each other bout our life anymor...i really hope it could continue like b4..but..haizz..nvm..then i say no...n he jus reply nth la..i was like..o.O..hah?like tat onli?i dowan the conversation jus stop like tis..then i keep ask her y til she say she's hvin a party 2night..the 1st thing in my mind was..a party?her b'day party??!!!my god...if it is her b'day party..how can i miss it..how can i...i quickly ask her whos party is tat?wat party..?n end up..when she told me it was her counsin sean's b'day..i was relief...then i told her if she wan..i can take it 4 her..bt the onli thing is she hv 2 come n take lo...i cant go there..bt she jus say no..n bye..i was again..sad..i mean..y such a hurry??everytim..my god~~!!!!!wat r u escapin of?me?am i tat scary..yes,i noe i hvt cut my hair..its bit ugly..bt its not til tat scary til u dun dare 2 talk 2 me right?or wat..?u try not 2 talk 2 much 2 me coz u scare u'll wat..love me or wat..??!!!yorr..u kep escape 4 wat..y so sufferin...y cant jus talk..we used 2 b the most lovely couple..n nw coz of som reason..u ke avoid me??if its not coz of me..u wan me 2 study bac..we wont even like tis right??!!!yiesh!!!

finally she got the job~but...she misunderstand me again...

jus nw b4 work..i was walkin alone in pasar malam...suddenly she pop out from bhind..i was kinda surprise coz its like she's so happy 2 see me...but then..she told me she quit the job at the tuition center..tat moment..the pieces of left over of my heart drop til the very end of the black hole...i was so so so shock n sad n alot of feelings...i keep thinkin..shit,then we cant mmet again..then how am i gonna chase her bac..how..argghh~!!!!i was so sad tat time n she told me tat coz she pass the interview..n she's gonna start her trainin soon after she go 4 medical check up...even tho tat time i was very happy 2 hear tat news..coz tats wat we promised b4..n tats wat i hope as well..but my face jus cant show the ''happy'' expression coz of the ''i quit the job''...my mind is spinin around tat sentence..bt she misunderstand tat when she told me somthin happy..i look sad...i was like..i din..n i try my best 2 explain..but she told me dun force myself if im not..i was so sad n angry tat time..force myself..yea..i am..i am forcin my self..im doin tat 4 the pass whole month n nw onli u realise??!!!halo..miss..u'r doin the same as well~!!!duh~obviously she deny again..but can see...its wasnt true from wat comin out from her mouth which say she's not...n she say i got wat so worried n sad..my bf should b sad...again..tis time..i nearly say it out..i mean..??haha..so funny...since when..he??tat guy..ur bf?come on..yea..name..but real..no..u n i we both noe tat...n if its not coz of me..he??wait 4 another hundred years..he treated u like tat..even til nw...he still doesnt noe how 2 appreciate u...ur bf?he jus treat u as som1 or somthin when he nid u..he calls u..when he dun..he'll jus kik u away..bf??yea..BastardFucker....but u'r still so determine..4 wat..?me?even tho u come bac..i can still handle it..plus..nw im facin serious problems wif my studies..very stressful..i nid u even more 2 b wif me n support me like b4...still remember??''faith n support''...but where r u nw..ask urself ying..jus wake up n come bac..

b'day n anniversary is comin..but..things had changed...

next friday will b her 18th b'day...early in the year..i oreadi start 2 plan alot alot of stuff..coz tis year..we'r free from scl...tas y i decided 2 gav her a very very special day tat he never ever had b4 in tis 18 years...but looks like there will b a change of plan...i hope it wont..but...i oreadi try my best 2 stop it..its on u nw,baby...same as tis comin 24th of september...our anniversary...remember last year??we went 2 mv..n u lost the diamond??well..it was quite a special 1..coz i guess tat was the 1st time in our anniversary tat i hug u in my arms while u'r cryin n say i love u..XP...but...will tat bcome our memories..plz dun let tat happen...baby...come bac..come bac 2 me...let me hv a reason again 2 create a new happy b'day song 2 u....til ever...

I've learnt something..

If you can't forget..learn to forgive..

I've read your blog..

yes..i was touched.

But for the first time..i don't feel any hatred nor guilt..

What u had done the other night..the words..

It's over..

Now..its a begining.

Learn to forgive..you will feel better..

^^

We had loved each other before..

I am still grateful of it.

You had taught me loads of things..

I truely appreciate it.

But...

as i had said,

Life goes on...

so finally u replied my blog...u said u were touched..but i dun feel any hatred nor guilt...its not tat u learn 2 4giv..its u noe u'll b 4given..from my previous posts..every single 1 is meant 2 u..my words were harsh somtims..n u noe unless i turn into a super genius..so tat i'll use those very beautiful n polite words..but tats the onli thing i dun alike as edward...no vocab...even in chinese..i'll still use som wrong words during the time 2 express myself...yesterday night..after finishin work..while waitin 4 som1 2 pick me up..i walk cross ur house..few times...listenin 2 music n sing..try 2 sing loud but not til caused som disturbance 2 the neighbours..hopin 4 u 2 hear it coz u din close ur windows...bt guess u din..mayb u were on the phone..in the opposite..ur dad heard it..he looked out from the toilet window n he saw me..i dunno whether he recognize me..bt i noe tat time i hv 2 go...it dissapointed me a little coz it doesn't work out like the plan...the next day was ur next interview..i was so nervous n wantin 2 wish u good luck..bt i dun dare 2 call u coz knowin u'll b on the phone n after tat u hv 2 slp early..dun dare 2 text u coz i noe every single time u got my text..u'll start 2 recall bac everythin n instead of tryin hard 2 think of a way 2 ans the interviewers question..u'll b tryin hard 2 find a way 2 4get bout me...after ur interview..when i ask bout the result..u told me tat u dun really care bout it coz of the salary was bit 2 low..but the voice of doubt appear again which makes me think of is it really coz of tat or is it tat i din wish u..u scared tat i giv up or somthin..tats y u dun really hv a mood in it..or really coz of the salary..bt u scare tat u cant really find som big money in few years time n u hv 2 work extra long which break ur promise 2 me...lately u hv been workin so so hard..from ur mouth..u wanna get into the job is coz of the salary..but wat u need the salary 4...u noe u wont let urself b over work coz of money..n same goes 2 me..i noe it 2...the onli reason is u wont wan 2 giv any chances 2 me or u..2 hv time 2 think of me n us...every single motivation n reason of urs in doin somthin had been look thro by me..nw ur fatratin not coz of my appearance really disturb u..but i finally noe it n u hv 2 think of a way 2 blind folded my eyes again..which u noe its gettin harder n harder these few days coz..as the time goes on n everytim i was able 2 look thro it..u noe my mind grow alot bout u...u hv no choice bt 2 use bac the same old reason..he's my bf..i dun love u anymor..jus let me go plz...life goes on..the onli words u gav me...yes..but u 4got 2 type in some words..life goes on but plz dun let me go n hold me tighter than b4 so tat i noe i hv no other way 2 continue escapin but 2 come bac 2 u..tats the onli reason i wan if i nid 2 continue...i successfully solve every single puzzle u gav...n nw onli i noe..i din..turn into a devil..instead..i've grown alot more so tat i hv no doubt my givin up my wings as an angel n come 2 the earth 2 protect u,my loved ones...even tho i noe theres no way bac again...tho its like tat..i oso learnt no matter wat..i cant giv up of my future coz tats oso 1 of the reason 2 keep u feelin secured wif me next time..by not foloin me beggin around wif ppl 2 get some money or oways argue bout omney coz of financial problems...nw onli i realise y u oways told me..instead of oways worryin bout our future..y dun i jus think of nw somtims...n i got into ur position of u sayin...livin happily nw its the onli way 2 keep the future in ur mind...yup...i understand it..the onli thing i left is u comin bac 2 feel n see how much i understand..not change..how much i can stand n view things from ur sight...not oways bein selfish n thinki of every thing is 4 ur own good..n learnin tat the onli way 2 keep our love life last longer its not by preventin neither ur past or mine 2 b happenin again..but 2 love u mor n care 4 u more..tats wat its important...i hope i did past ue test tis time..b4 u comin out wif somthin mor difficult..when u read tis blog again..plz..secretly take my phone next time n try 2 send every single voice record in my phone without me noticin...listen 2 it...n i guess..tat will b my answer 4 ur test in the future...je taime...

another life...

haizz...lately...alot of stuff..2 think..2 consider..n 2 make decission...but dunno y..keep feelin like there's a part of my life oreadi stop movin...dunno y...when i look at the world...i felt tat it has stop movin..even tho it's still colourful..but i cant feel the joy spreadin around..mayb..coz in my life..the part of it has gone..tats y...

~unsecured~

well...2day is my 1st day of math in college...in the new buildin..i mean...the 1st lesson was bout indices,roots n logarithem...i think i spelled it wrongly but nvm..well..arghh~!!!fuck..shit...!!!wat the fuck am i talkin..scl..?!!arghh..i cant even think of anythin nw..am i really tat bad..?4 the sick of god...yea..HE's sick..wtf!!!!wats wrong wif me..??y u like 2 test me so much..?!!!if i fail..jus fail me..y u wann keep on testin me..??!!!am i some sort of angel or stuff..u wan me 2 past the exam n go bac 2 heaven or wat..??stop testin me n jus take me away..!!!!i had enuf suffer over here..yes!!enuf!!!appretiate..yea..i dunno how 2 appretiate it..no matter how good i try..no1 will jue look into my hard work...no..ppl called it as shit work..ppl around me called it...n every1 who's readin bout it nw will b thinkin..tis guys..no hope..onli noe how 2 blame the god..pity him..usless..watever..u guys dun hv the right 2 judge me..i judge myself..no..no 1 hv..not even me..cz i dun even dare 2 judge myself..nw im jus like a little mouse..a dirty little mouse..no matter how good it is..when ppl saw it..they'll jus try their best 2 kill it..even tho it never bite or spoil anythin...u ppl hv no right 2 do it..u dun hv the right 2 do tis..take away everythin of mine..how could u..i try my best 2 start of my life n i suppose 2 choose the way i wan..y r u ppl helpin me 2 do it..i dun wan..giv it bac..giv it bac 2 me..i beg u...giv it bac...

a meaningful sentence..

" 深爱你的人都是天真的天使, 别一度伤害深爱你的人, 他们为了坚持自己的爱情把自己的雪白的翅膀给折断才能到人间守护你,
要是你伤害了他们, 他们就再也没有能力回到他们的原地!!"

lately i read bout an articles from the internet..n i found tis..hmm..jus hope every single 1 who is readin tis post will understand it..if a love life is so easy..it wont b called as love...coz of those hard time n arguements..tats wat make it perfect n special...but how many of them understand tis...do u..???i dun think so...