jus nw i was lookin thru my ex's blog..i mean..it was belongs to her..bt after we broke up,there's so many memories in there tat i din wan her to delete it,so i took it over n change the pw..onli while i was readin..there was so much of memories inside my mind keep on flashin thru...all those sweet,tough,miserable yet memorable memories..i miss my olden days when i was studyin in 2ndary scl..it was fun n nice..bt wat past its oreadi past,wat im hopin for its was next for my future..more challenges?or jus..its gonna b another screwed up future again..arghhh..i dunno bout it at all..bt i really hope tat,yes,i had a very nice n memorable memories..bt wat i wan nw is..i hope u can brin me the future memories babe~~~2day,it was a damn tirin day..i argue wif my baby..twice..could u imagine..twice n its not like 1 morning 1 night..its like we jus finish 1..then here comes another 1..omg..2day was tough..im havin a harsh time to get thru it..i mean,mayb..b4 tis i was good in talkin to comfort my love 1..bt 2day i was totally screwed up as i dun even noe wat to say bsides than sorry...my god..i feel so pathetic..bt..after then,i realise tat bsides than im sorry..i can still say i love u..mayb it looks bit normal bt its a powerful word n it brings alot of meanings in it...i love u baby,i do...gosh..im so damn tired nw~~zzzz...

its been so long ever i update my blog...well..for the pass few months..my life got into a huge change again...ppl around me..my relationship..my life...im currently studyin degree nw..which at 1st i was totally excited bout it bt end up everything its jus dissapointment..i step into a business competition n was spoted by a group of sociation of my scl..i got a gf pass 2 months ago bt its still a big mess over there..everythin its jus..oh my god..i dunno how to say..im so damn fuckin tired..no..i should say..i've never been energetic b4...2day..i went to my gf's hosue n gav her a surprise..i mean at 1st,it was sunday..another borin weekend,i tot we can chat bit 2day bt end up..she's still stuck in the gamblin game in fb..fuck tat game tat cause her loss all the time wif me..fine..im oreadi startin to emo..then suddenly it starts to rain so damn heavy,she stop playin n texted me..tat time i was cookin spagetti..then she said she wanna eat as well..in my mind,i was thinkin..hmm..everytim she dun think i'll really go to her house n get her wat she wan..y dun tis time i make it as a surprise..i finish cookin,packed up n leave..it was rainin so damn heavy tat when i drive on the road,i can feel my car's like floatin on the water..nvm..then when i was about to reach,i called her..n she fall aslp..nvm,i told her i was goin to her house..when i reach..i went down from the car,thinkin tat it will b good if once she come down,she see me waitin over there..bt things startin to b so damn different from wat i imagine..when she come down,she saw me n start scoldin me..wat the hell r u doin here,wat if my dad sees u n blablablablabla..fine..nvm..yea,its my fault..then we went into the car n i pass her the spagetti..she ate a few mouth n she's full..while she's eatin,i was lookin at her..i wanted to see how she looks like when she ate the food tat i cooked..it should b a very happy thing..instead,she scold me y am i lookin at her while she's eatin..how is she goin to eat..fine,the 2nd shot,i look away...she pass bac the spegetti to me n then she starts to play her hp game again..wat the hell..nvm,i ate the rest of the spagetti..bt i jus ate 2-3 mouth then i stop..i was like..u oreadi play the whole day...n these few days u barely text wif me..n its a one of a hell chance tat we can b 2gether n u'r playin ur idiotic game again?~!!!fine..these whole day was shit...eventually,my face emotion started to change..she saw it n she scold again y the hell u oways show me tat ''fuck-up'' face..finish sayin tat,she open the door n jus left..i was like wat the fuck,wat do u wan me to do?!!i plan to giv u a surprise,end up one by one it screws up n u expect me to b happy?!!!fuck up!!!!n nw it goes again,u'r stuck wif the stupid fb game again!!!!argghh~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i jus saw the last blog tat i wrote..wow..its oreadi been a month ever since i've update it..well,time pass by so damn fast..it feels like it was jus yesterday tat i've jus graduate from my secondary scl life...hmm..a month..it really could happen alot alot of stuff..me,4 tis whole month,i met up wif a girl n got her as my gf..actually she's 1 of my collegues in my workin place in the restaurant..b4 tis,we were like enemies..i dunno y..i mean to me,she's ok..we din really talk so there's ntg bad of her for me to gossip bout bt she..everytim she see me,the way she look at me its like so damn annoyin~!!!like im her biggest enemy in the world or somthin...bt 1 day i decided to sms her n chat..well,slowly slowly..well,u guys noe it..the love story begins..to me,she's totally not a perfect girl i wan..she's not cute,not pretty,not tat smart,not polite,not tall,not sexy enuf nt everythin..bt..i finds out..thru out all these ''not''..tats the reason y she caught me in the eye...the way she talk,express herself..the way she laugh..she burp~..she play..she..jus..so normal..tats wat makes she the girl i wanna love n protect for the rest of the time,well..at least in the time being where we'r still 2gether..bt..1 thing..yea,she's a playgirl in the past,nw i blive tat she change..hoepfully~~~~XS...hmm...at 1st,i wonder..y like every girl i love in my life til nw at least..all r play girl...is tis the other mission like after i change her good,then she'll dump me again..jus like others..haizz..dunno..bt like wat she oways told me..y dun we jus stop thinkin so much n jus let it b..at least..we'r happy wif each other nw..yea..mayb she's right bout it..at least..we both love each other so much nw~~^^

im feelin so tired nw..nt coz i slp late or wat..the heart..its poundin slower n slower..nt tat im dyin..bt..tired..tired of everythin..bored of everythin..nw i noe..love is actually somthin huge..somthin big n somthin important in our life..we cant life without it seriously..its the energy..its the power~!!!bt tats wat im lackin nw..my power is runnin low..everythin is so screwed up...im tired~~

another mornin where i was left home wif my mum's car coz they wan me to slp late bit..bt..no matter how long i could slp..i still feel very very tired..tat feelins is comin from my heart..hmm..yesterday went to my fren's b'day celebration wif carmen at lot10..the 1st time i brought her 2gether wif me in tis kind of celebration..bt i felt so damn regret..1st,we suppose to go out at 1..bt she make it til 1.30..nvm,girls~then when she's on the car,she asked me to bring her to 1 place 1st coz she wanna take somthin for me..well,in my heart i was thinkin we oreadi late n later u nid to go bac like 4..nvm,lucky its jus near..so i drove her there..instead of straight stop at the shop's front..she ask me to stop damn far away..when she went down..she walk torwards different direction instead of goin to the shop..i felt very weird so i off my engine n went down to take a look..bt i cant see her..so i jus went bac to my car..then she's there..so i din care much..jus went into the car coz we oreadi very late~then she called a person n start sayin ''did u get the thing..i dowan to let u see me..later night r u free?i wanna talk to u..''while talkin..tears drop from the beautiful eyes..n same goes to my heart..felt broken again..coz on tat moment..all my specialty came bac..i could hear wat she's thinkin again...its a fact tat i keep on avoidin to understand..alot of my frens who know carmen told me tat she's a playgirl..i knew it to..bt i blive tat she oreadi changed..who noes...it starts to ruined my day...after she hang up the call,she starts sayin hvin bad mood 2day...who mess wif me will b dead..i was thinkin..if u talk again i'll make u dead~!!!!!!!im in the fuckin same car wif u,jus sittin bside u..n did u think tat im deaf?nvm..fine..it suppose to b a great day..hold on..then i park my car in timesquare coz i dunno how to drive to lot10 even tho its jus opposite the street..so we walk to lot10..i wanted to hold her hand..she shake off..nvm..i put my hand on her shoulder,she push it off n say will bad luck..==fuck la..fine,i dun touch u..idiotic shit!!!i got so pissed up when she starts complainin i park so far,nid to walk la..tis la tat la..==..i cant stand it n jus walk..i walk so fast til she was totally left bhind..she chase up n ask y i walk so fast..i jus smile n pretend ntg happen..when reach there..my frens came..then..here comes my nightmare..she start sayin things like y u bring me to tis kind of place..if i knew early,i dowanna come...n my frens were all there when she say it LOUDLY!!jibai!!!i felt so damn fuckin embarrassed..nvm,we go in...eat..she jus sit there wif her hp..i took som food for her..when we starts eatin..she told me tat she dowanna eat..n say she'll take herself if she wan..ok..then i dun care her,i ate my own..suddenly,somthin shock me..she took out another hp..n tat hp was her old 1 which she say oreadi spoiled..i was like..din u say it spoiled..she say owh,2day i took out n see its ok so i use lo..n i was like y u got 2 num bt i din noe..she jus smile..wat the fuck...hello,is there any more secrets of u which i din noe~!!!fuck up..i totally shut up!!!!!!i got so damn bad mood bt still hv to smile in front of my frens..great!!!n end up,she din really eat anythin..jus a dessert n som drinks n bit of vegetable..its a buffet..n i pay like 20somthin..yea..i noe its not much..bt its been a shit for the whole day u make me..n nw u din even care to giv me face in front of my fren..i felt such a shame..so damn regret..so damn pissed!!great!!!the whole day!!!!i felt tat whole my life til nw..i keep on couplin ppl up..my 1st love,i couple it wif my best fren..2nd gf..bac to her ex..n tis time..i dunno wanna couple up wif which bastard again..i felt so damn tired..so tired..lucky i got bac my mind readin..nw..i will stay strong..i wont let any love screwer to screw up my love again!!!ok..u can b bit flirty..like me..im not tat perfect..bt no matter how flirty i am..im still loyal to who i love~~n tis is wat u all gav me..good~

phew..wat a dramatic week..yesterday n 2day it was full of drama..yesterday after i fetch my sis to her tuition class..i was about to go to my fren's house to hang out for awhile..who noes i receive a call from my formal student yan,n said tat she's somewhere else..then the call got cut..later on,her bf called..n ask me to go to carfour there..ok..when i reach,i saw yan's as cryin badly..i parked my car n went to them..her bf,joey jus giv me her bag,n ask me to take care of her for him..n plus he hand me a cheque n ask me to turn it into cash as well..i was like wat the..wats goin on..y like tis oh??in my mind i knew they'r goin to break..well,yan jus push joey away n run..i hv no choice bt to catch up wif her jus incase she got into som trouble..then i really dunno how to explain to her mum since im still teachin her bro currently..well,after catch up wif her n consul her..we meet up again wif her bf n pai,her fren in a cafe..haizz..it was all jus som stupid misunderstandin..teenagers..they dun even noe wats love n they think they do...wat they'r doin will jus bring suffer to the world..they polluted the word love n the romance it created..u guys..dun call nor tell tat u'r in love if u dun even understand it!!!i hate ppl who pollute it..i hate ppl who makes love as a disgustion..i hate u all..if u all cant take up the suffers,if u guys dun even understand the world..stop fallin in such puppy idiotic lovin thing where u all will jus pollute it!!!!!

define happy n unhappy..accordin to the dictionary..happiness is a kind of feelings where excitement flush thru ur emotions n u feel great n motivated..whereby unhappy is vice versa..bt how to we apply it into our real life..does these words really can b define such easily..?the answer is no..every single person in the world will not gain the ultimate happiness..y?we learn to 4giv,we learn to 4get..we learn to sacrifice,we learn to accept..all our life is keep on learnin learnin learnin n learnin..bout wat??bout bein humble n accept everythin..in another word is learn to b stupid enuf to blame ourself no matter wat happen so tat ppl around us will b happy n satisfied..learn to live..learn to stay alive..reasons tat we've been searchin for our whole life..tryin to solve every single question we meet so tat we could live better..bt end up..?we get aint ntg bt still blames n lies..i tot i could..i tot i stand up i tot i crawl bac up again..i tot i survive from the pain..bt in fact,i din..wat i did was jus keep on givin tones of pain killer jus to cover up the pain n live on..it's so much til i omost got cheat by it til 2day..til 2day when i listen to a song..when i recalls all my memories..when i look bac wats goin on around me..then i realise..everythin i hv around me r all jus lies..ever since the 1st moment i started to grow..ppl around u..every single thing they do,there's oways a purpose..except for som1..to me..is my parents...i feel tired i feel sorry to myself..im torturin myself tat i cant even accept it..bt still im cont to do it..im tryin my best to hide from my family..im tryin my best to hide from every1..hvin the worst part is wish the person tat u seriously love wif happily ever after wif som other jerks..knowin tat u'r bein play like a fool,bt u still hv to move on jus to make sure tat u dun giv troubles to others..i hate tis feelin..i really really hate it..i oways wander..is there..is there som1,or somthin out there..plz...jus plz..giv me a hand..save me..or jus giv me a sign or somthin..angel n devil within me had left me long gone..nw im all on my own..i cant take it anymor longer..jus plz..save me..dissapointment is full within me..talk to me,som1..jus plz..

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

I can't tell you what it really is, I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now it's a steel knife in my windpipe
I can't breathe but I still fight while I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight
High off her love, drunk from my hate, it's like I'm huffin' paint
And I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate
And right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates me, she f**kin' hates me
And I love it, "wait, where you goin'?"
"I'm leavin' you," "no you ain't come back"
We're runnin' right back, here we go again
So insane, cause when it's goin' good it's goin' great
I'm superman with the wind in his back, she's Lois Lane
But when it's bad it's awful, I feel so ashamed I snap
Whose that dude? I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her
I never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe
When you with em you meet and neither one of you even know what hit em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills used to get em
Now you're getting f**kin' sick of lookin' at em
You swore you'd never hit em, never do nothin' to hurt em
Now you're in each other's face spewin' venom in your words when you spit em
You push pull each other's hair
Scratch claw hit em throw em down pin em
So lost in the moments when you're in em
It's the face that's the culprit, controls you both
So they say it's best to go your seperate ways
Guess that they don't know ya
Cause today that was yesterday
Yesterday is over, it's a different day
Sound like broken records playin' over
But you promised her next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no nintendo game, but you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

Now I know we said things, did things, that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is, you're the same as me
When it comes to love you're just as blinded
Baby please come back, it wasn't you, baby it was me
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
Come inside, pick up the bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk?
Told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed I'll aim my fist at the drywall
Next time there won't be no next time
I apologize even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games I just want her back
I know I'm a liar if she ever tries to f**kin' leave again
I'ma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

song from eminem fit rihanna..a song tat hook up alot of my memories~~seriously..alot..i was like the guy in the mv n lydia was like the girl..end up..it seperates both of us~~~

2moro im goin out wif my frens n overnight at 1 of my fren's house...well..out of these whole week,i was expectin 2moro's outin..i mean i could hv fun,relax n enjoy wat i hv..so jus nw i was plannin to call more frens to go..1,2moro got fren b'day,party n cannot go..ok lo,nvm..then here comes the exciting part..the other fren tat i call,i told him,2moro we'r goin out,then night we go cc straight down..then he say morning can for movie,bt night cannot..well..he jus got a gf..its like kinda web-girl~~so he has to spend night time to accompany his partner to play games or wat i dunno la..then i say oh..got gf oreadi..ok lo..nvm la..ntg la..i mean..since u'r not free..i dowan after movie then u hvto rush bac to home..its so not fun u noe..2moro outin suppose to b relaxin n fun..so nvm la if u'r not free..then he started to angry n nag over there..==..haizz..dissapointed..i mean..everytim u got a girl..then u'll turn over to ur frens..after tat,when u'r alone again..u'll come bac n find us..wat oh..==..nvm..haizz..argghh~~~~dunno la..i find tat i hv som kind of sickness lately..jealousy..not coz of wat bt coz others got nice gf n i dun~~==..argghh~~~too lonely...XS...SHIT LA~!!!!!!!!!!!!

well,nw im hvin my holiday til 6 of september as my degree program starts..hmm..a long holiday,bored n bored n bored..my god..everyday..as i wake up,i hv to think..yea..another day..i dunno wat to do..wanderin around..3 pm i hv to work..til evening n hv a quick dinner then i hv to work again..god..its so bored..all my time hv been stuck up..i dunno wat to do..i mean..well,mayb ppl see me keep on workin its like good la,then u'll earn alot of money..yea right..i hv to work like shit n face all kinds of problems n challenges everyday..salary doesnt even attractive..everyday i keep on thinkin is there anyway to let me earn more n more..bt til the end..wat i got its not enuf at all..nw im actually earnin for myself..my parents no nid to spend money on me bt..its sufferin..really really sufferin..1 k per month..hv to use for the whole month n end of the day..i got ntg..life..everyday when i go home..on my pc n go to fb..expectin my so call japan gf to reply me or chat..none..my actual 1..she aint giv a shit on me nw..dunno whether she's busyin on her study or wat bt i dun hv the strenght to care anymor..huh...i still remember my last exam..the essay tat i wrote was way to got a happy life..a sentence tat i oways use to encourage ppl is oways enjoy wat u'r doin..bt..i dun..i dun at all..im findin a way out..life's is like a single man whos trap in a empty island..no way to out..hopin everyday tat som1 might jus discover me..bt in the end..dissapointment is full in my heart..nw..its rainin..n im in the college waitin for a lecturer to sign my application form to degree..haizz..bored..i wanna go for a vacation..to relax..bt my wallet is oways empty..read the newspaper n a guy..he went around the world..without spendin any money..he survived by jus acceptin frens around the world tat he dun even noe..i mean..those ppl r from fb..he post n hopin ppl around the world to support the financial needs whenever he went to a place..how admired i was when i read bout the news..i wish i could do tat bt i noe i cant..i hv to stay jus to take care of my family..everyday i sign in front of my mum..bt i still hv to wear a smile jus to show her tat im strong enuf to life..they oreadi hvin enuf streesed to fund my siblings..i dun wanna add on pressure on them..sis's startin to grow up n her mind set was bein polluted by frens around..bt we'r tryin hard to pull her bac..bro..dun even mention bout him..in my eyes..he's jus a loser..not to say tat i look down at him bt yea..he is..everyday busy bout her stupid gf tat feels like he abandone the family..wat i wish for is not much bt a place for me to jus spill out all my suffer..everyday every night..i hope to go out..jus to find som frens n hv fun..searchin in my life tat som1 could jus understand me..1 thing..1 day i dreamed bout my 1st gf n 2nd..these 2 r my favourite honestly..well,in tat dream..i manage to get bac wif my 1st,melanie..n my 2nd gf,lydia..yup,she's wif her bf..in tat dream..i was happy..at least i noe i got a chance to redo wat i did wrong..when i awake..everythin change bac to normal..i text mel to asked few question of coz..well,she rejected as i expected..i noe i was stupid to ask bt..haizz..enuf of tat..when she read bout tis,for sure she'll say tat im ammature again..i dun blame her..i noe she's a special girl in the end..i let her go when i noe tat my best fren is givn a hope on her...lydia..im glad tat she got wat she want nw..seriously..u guys noe..a zombie game name left 4 dead..tat has been a life tat i oways hope for..i mean not to say to b cruel or wat..bt in tat game..frenship,hopes r oways around..they fought for life..for frens..for wat they hope to jus stay alive everyday..might b lonely bt at least..they got a dream..a dream to revive the world..llokin at ppl nwadays disgusted me alot..ppl r selfish..they do wat they nid to do in order to protect themselves..in my mind..whenever ppl nids help n i could..i will oways lend a hand to help them survive thru the problems..y..y ppl aint goin for a try..y..y ppl r so selfish..world is endin n i could see it..every1 could..disaster r happenin everywhere..dispict of gettin closer..ppl dun even care bt makin things worst..come on..care bout every1 around u..plz..make the world more colourful like b4..stop wars n killings..stop all the crime tat u'r doin..at least..lend a hope of urs to the world..

its been somtim i updated my blog..well,my latest news..i jus finish my foundation final exam few days ago..its a relief actually tat i finally end my foudation course~well,it means tat degree program is comin n its more hard work n challenges~~well,im oreadi facin alot of it tho..my works,friendships,loves..hmm..bt im glad tat even none of devil nor angel is bsides me,im still able to complete it..im blessed tat i gain a little help from THEY tat i got to past my exam so relaxin...thankyou so much..i really appreciate it...n my life..its gettin more n moer hard bt im still here..still standin...still breathin..carmen,well,its been somtims..bt glad tat somtims,u jus suddenly appear n giv me a surprise even tho alot of dissapointment gav by u bt still..thankyou..hmm..time pass so so fast tat i din really realise tat end of the year is comin...its jus like tis for tis year..ikeep on thinkin tat..1 year..jus pass like tat bt every1 is hvin somthin on them..bt how bout me..wat hv i done tis year??well..let me see..finally i went to clubbin..n its oreadi twice,i finally bought a new hp,full touch screen n tis time is real..even tho its bac to warranty..==..ermm,i got 2 new gf,no is 3 i guess if included neko..out of 3,jasmine was failure,neko was unfutureless if there's such word,carmen was over the line..so..in conclude,love life sucks,work,got 1 or 2 new student,bt hard time comes when its actually 6-7 hundred im earnin..==..nvm,hvin single life let me got chance to do n buy things tat i wan..currently purchasin a new watch..damn nice 1 bt hope wont been cheated..n...well,hmm..guess tats all..so..wat u guys think hah??wat so special bout my year tis time?ha..non...mind seems to stop runnin..all imagination n wishes jus ends like a pop of a bubble..dissapear in the air..listened to few nice songs..1 of them was like hopin the airplane in the night sky was a wishin star..well,tat impact me..i oways hope..not to b greedy bt at least 1 of my hope will jus..hmm..yea right~~

hmm..lately..i dun really blog tat much..dunno..mayb out of those reasons,mine is..i oreadi got so fed up bout things in my life..or i jus let it b or i jus sick of it or i jus..hmm..dunno...alot of secrets..alot of things..alot of stress n alot of preasure on me lately..im findin a way to let those go..bt..i jus cant find 1..hmm..hvin gf like hvin none..ok la..let me tell u guys bout my latest news..1st..i find it kinda hard for me to blive ppl tat i care lately..make it simple..like my gf..ok..my so called ''half gf''..coz we'r hvin time out nw for her study...lately she ask me to borrow som money to her coz she nid it..ok..then afte i boro..she din really sms me or pick up my calls..well,at 1st i think it was normal coz she is like tat..bt then out of a sudden..i think tat whenever she nids me onli she will find me..others..no..am i a tool to her or wat..haizz..im so damn confuse wif tis kind of thoughts spinnin in my head man~~@.@..well then nvm..then..my workin case..im currently replacin a teacher in the tuition center coz she went off to giv birth a baby~~so i'll b replacin her for like 2 months..well,its oreadi very tough when i dun really noe the students bt i hv to teach them n they'r like comparin me n the teacher..well,obviously..i cant b really strict to them coz im not their actual teacher so they kinda take advantages on tat n bully me bit..after i show them some colours,they start to b tamed by me~~^^..onli left 1 little bastard..n his mum..tats the problematic 1..i mean..ok..ur kid is damn smart..he can understand things tat i teach very fast..bt the onli thing is..he is so damn naughty tat he noe wats the answer bt he jus act like he doesnt n keep on makin mistakes..i dun wanna point it out to u jus coz i dowan u to b embarresed..bt u in the other side..tryin to back stab me..sayin tat dunno i noe the way to teach anot..or am i qualify anot..i mean..halo~~~ok,een tho i might look young..bt do u noe how much students tat i teach hvin fly colours in their results nw??im not tryin to praise myself bt tats the fact ok?==..n plz..if u'r really tat good..then try to teach ur own son..bt unfortunately..u dun even understand ur own son..tats so sad of u..bt nvm..after 1 month time i wont b teachin ur son anymor..so nw i'll try my best to stay calm..hmm..my life..well,i jus bought a new hp which im quite happy bout it..bt..nw i think..got a new hp oso no use..no 1 sms..no calls..haizz..even for my so called japanese gf..she say she din on9 for like 1 month plus coz she's in the hospital..accident happen worr..ok..then i ask her to text me..actually alot of times oreadi..bt everytim oso no reaction..i mean,if u really mean it..n u'r so rich~~i dun think u'll find it expensiv~~bt still..haizz..nvm..im kinda fed up on tis kind of things..i'll never realy got a reply on somthin..n jus nw..i was tryin to call n text my girl..n guess wat..finally she pick up the call bt she sound so pissed coz she was slpin n i wake her up..i was like..ok fine.watever.. n i jus hang up..she did call bac bt i din pick it up..i mean..dude,i texted u like 5-6 hours ago..n u din reply..tats y i keep on text n call so tat at least u say somthin to me..nw u blame me for tat??==...haizz..dunno..stunned..confuse..moody..down..bored..all come 2gether..stress~!!!!preassure~!!!argghhh~~~~

yesterday i went to bon odori wif my students n their frens..well,it was a great night..i mean its the 1st time ever i go there since i wanted to long time ago..well,hv to say sorry to wai jian coz i drive kinda slow..bt i enjoyed the time over there...then after tat,i meet up wif lee shen 2gether wif one of my student n her bf..we went to maison after that..its oso the 1st time i went to maison..not bad ma~~jus bit crowded yesterday coz got event~~at 1st,we got 8 ppl,onli 4 of us r allowed to go in,plus my student's bf..coz he's onli 17..then..out of a sudden..all of us can go in..coz he call his father n talk..i was like..O.o..my god..so geng da??okie~~then we started our wild night..it was bit rush coz we went it at 1..so we hv to quickly finish our drink b4 3..well,i din really drink coz the 1st mouth..i oreadi feel my stomach very uncomfortable..guess it still hvnt recover after all..nvm la..when it ends..lee shen n my student was totally drunk..i hv to drive n joey hv to look after his gf who keeps on talkin in the whole journey when we goin bac~~XD...well,after sendin the couple bac..i drive lee shen to steven corner so tat he can rest awhile b4 he drive bac..tat time sittin alone quietly at mamak..think bac the whole night..it was fun..enjoyable..excitin..n i was thinkin..it'll b perfect..if u were bside me carmen..well,its ok since nw u'r hvin ur spm exam tis year n u hv to study..nvm..next year we can go 2gether~~~^^..n i texted u say tat i missed u...ask u to call or msg me in the morning..it was 5 somthin 6 when i reach home..i quickly wash up n slp..im still thinkin of wat happen the whole night...how fun of it n hopin in the mornin when i wake up..u'll at least text me n wish me gd mornin..it was around 1 in the afternoon when i wake up..i was so so tired tat i wanna continue slp..bt my stomach was grawlin..so i hv no choice bt to wake up n stuff somthin in..i took my hp n see..yea..ppl say when u hv expectation on somthin important..in the end of the day..for sure u will dissapointed..guess u guys noe wat im gonna say..she din even reply..text or call..its been 2 days..no..should say after she got my money..she disappear again..well,i was thinkin ntg de la..mayb her hp no credit again..so i went down to eat n on my netbook..i was chattin wif my fren in fb n msn n suddenly..i saw..yes!!her fren tagged her in a photo when she n her fren went to bon odori yesterday night!!!tat time..i was so fuckin pissed bt i was to hold down myself..u noe when u r so damn pissed bt u cant let it out..argghh~!!my body was shiverin!!!!not coz of scared bt anger!!!i texted her n ask her wat is tat..yea..she din reply again..fuckin jibai!!u toldme tat u cant go to bon odori coz ur mum dun let..u told me u cant sms..u told me tis u tols me tat..yea,even tho i cant meet u up or stay bside u...i choose to trust u..bt wat happen..everytim..my trust torwards other will bein taken n jus throw it on the floor n keep steppin on it!!ever since the day u took my money n din reply my msg or call..dunno y i suddenly hv a mind of y everytim when u nid me onli u'll find me??wat am i??ur bank or wat??jibai..pui!!lan jiao..fuckin bitch..each one of u r the same~~3..no..is 4~!!even jasmine..pretend to b so loyal..pui~~~all of u..disgusted me wif ur naive..fuck off dude..jus fuck off..from nw on..each cent..all money tat i earn so hard will onli spend by me..save by me..keep by me..use by me~!!!i swear i will not give,spend nor use even half a cent on any1~!!!!especially on gf!!fuck off!!!!!!!!!!!

well...havin a happy life lately~~i mean..life's in the mid rate to me nw~~no sadness..ntg special than tat..bt..to me..im oreadi so satisfied of it~~~rather than hvin those supered life~~or down deep emo~~normal to me is still the best choice..bt..i jus hope every1 i noe were happy..include u..hmm..ohya n jasmine..i noe tat u cant read my blog coz u dunno tat i hv 1 bt..plz jus 4get bout me...plz..wat u'r doin is makin both of us sufferin 2gether...n u noe tat there will b no endin wif it..so..plz jus let me go will ya~??^^..man,i sound so bad right??bt nvm..who cares..as long as im tryin to reduce every unneccesary pain n tats it..^^

hmm~~after the whole month time..finally..2day is the final for FIFA world cup..well,nertherland..dun lose a~~~~><...yesterday i went out wif my formal student,pow pow n stupid girl yan ling..actually out of so many students i hv...these 2 can counted as 1 of my favourite..well,not coz of they got a very good result bt is coz their story bhind their life..2 interstin teen..hmm..i hv a lot of fun wif them yesterday..bt din take any pics~~haizz...nvm nvm..still got next time de~~^^...lets hope next outin will b greater~~~n..lately..after hvin timeout wif my girl...things can say to b change better..i mean..we talk more..communicate more than b4...well,can it b say as a good thing??dunno..to me...jus like wat she say..tis is a period tat for us to understnad each other more b4 we really start off he journey 2gether..so...lets us pray tat everythin will b fine~~~dunno la..aiyaya..confuse a...tirin period bt not bad lately...im oreadi satisfied of tis...thankyou god...thankyou mun,thankyou my frens..n thankyou,kenn~~~^^

finally after holdin on so long..i fall...well,can say i've been waitin for tis fall so long..all these days,i tot i am a superman...i wont sick or weaken anymor..i can pass thro everythin wif no worries..no confusion..yet..tis morning when i wake up..i guess i was wrong...cold winds blow thru my bones n my body temperature was risin n fall..it was so sufferin n i smsed u to hope tat..mayb u can at least comfort me or somthin even tho u cant really use ur hp..i guess..bt til night..ntg..i called n u finally picked up..u was slpin,n u sound angry coz i wake u up..dude,cant u at least wish me gdnite or somthin??i oreadi told u tat i'll b callin u 2nite,its not tat i din inform..bt yet..tis call breaks my heart...nw..body is so damn fuckin weak n i hv to wear a sweater,long pants n socks plus my blanket to slp..so cold..i gav up ok..i tot we might b better if i jus hold on a little bit longer bt in the end,i guess..btwn both of us,if jus 1 side keep on pushin,another din even try n jus like tat..it still wont work it either way..i gav up...yes,i mean it tis time..watever u wan..its ur choice..i dun bother u anymor..my body cant take all tis anymor n nid a time out...hope u'll b happy,carmen...

jus nw i suddenly feel lke steppin into my 1st gf's blog n see..well,she open another neew blog..inside there she uses a fake name..bt another name in it kept me wonder..i dunno y..mayb out of curious or jus..dunno la..hmm..i smsed her n ask n she din reply..hmm~anyway..dun care her 1st..her new blog,touched me..not much,not little..bt jus~at the right spot..n tat feelin..my god i tell u,its like somthin attractin u,n when u wanna get close,it goes away..when u giv up,it come bac again~~annoyin yet attractin..touchin..it recalls alot of my memories ever since i get along wif her til my 2nd gf..tell u the truth..lets see..i hv around like 4-5 gf bf..bt..among those..these 2 girls r the ones which affect me alot~!!!my 1st gf's name was melanie..she's a cute girl n my primary sclmates..we met bac each other in form 2 as we'r in the same class..at 1st,we dun really talk..slowly i cant really remember y..we started to talk alot..n slowly n slowly,i fell in love wif her..she's simple,cute,nice,ammature~~XP bt yet when all tis combine 2gether,it doesnt make her look childish,she has her own way of solvin things..n tats wat attracts me..bt after 3 months,we broke up..mayb yes mayb not bt her close fren told me it was coz of one of my best fren n yea..we argue bout it for quite som tim..i mean me n my fren..bt in the end,ntg happen btwn us~~^^..nw my 2nd gf..tis girl..wao..it was a fantasy i told u..coz i..i myself never ever blive tat i hv a chance to b wif such beautiful girl~!!bt in the end as well,all i hv is jus another fantasy given by God..well,we met each other in form 3..actually b4 tis,when in form 1,we study in the same class b4 for like half a year then she switch to another class as the scl department make bit adjustment so we met bac each other in form 3..well,tat year i still remember..i cried alot..for my 1st gf..i was so sad like for 4 months...no..more than tat..even after i get wif my 2nd gf..yea,i noe i noe..im bad im a jerk blablabla..hey,u cant blame me~~its not so easy to let it go when u'r seriously into somthin n plus,i am seriously into u~~~==..ok,fine..cont wif my 2nd gf..well,in tat year,i was chosen to b the class monitor..or i should say tats the year the ''class monitor'' curse started to hunt me..coz til nw,im still holdin the position.yea,even til college..==..well,anyway..i cant really concentrate on my duty as im still holdin on my 1st gf..so i was kinda moody the whole period in scl..til 1 day..i saw my 2nd gf,she was sittin at the bac door of the scl alone..when i walk near her,i heard tat she was cryin..tat time,i dunno wat to do n the 1st thing in my mind is,give her a hug n tell her everythin will b fine..bt i reconsider..if i jus go n hug her,for ure i'll get a heavy slap..so end up..i jus sit bside her..n say its ok,ntg cant b solve n blablabla..yea..tats the moment we started to chat..tat time,she was still bein wif her ex,which nw is her bf again~==..bt they keep on arguein..n im the 1 who's keep comfort her everytim they argue n say its ok,coz he cares bout u n stuff..n at the same time,she comfort me as well whenever i think of my 1st gf n sobs in scl..yea,kinda embarrassed..then..slowly..yea..we fell in love again~~wif her...i been thro alot of stuff..i did alot of stuff tat i never think tat i'll do in my life..alot of sacrifies,bravery,experiences n alot of 1st timer..well,could say tat its a whole fantasy journey wif her..both of us jus like the main characters in a love story..our love story is so dramatic..even frens around us were sayin tat..yea..they tot tat we wont b so easy to break off from the chain,bt yet..its jus a tip of a hand..she got bac wif her ex again..n it was til i found it out..then onli she break wif me..at 1st,i seriously hate her alot u noe..i even thinkin of jus do somthin stupid,yea..wat a ammature..bt..in the end,slowly..as i started to realise alot of stuf..i let her go..jus..like tat..even til i wasnt realisin it..yea..amazing..n nw..im her consultant in love again..==haha..bt tis time,i wont fall in love wif her..coz i think she found her mr.right..^^..wish her luck..well,one down,one to go..n u,ms melanie..haizz..u'r the trouble 1..u told me b4..no matter wat happen,u wont accept me bac..u wont fall in love wif me again..yea yea yea..i noe wat i did b4 were way to serious n unforgivenable..bt..haizz..complicated to tell u..jus tat..im really sorry bout those..i noe 1 word wont heal the pain bt..sorry..really...i dunno wat should b spoken,coz whenever i missed u,i'll think of u n my best fren..jus..arggh..the feelin was so complicated..u said tat i was a playboy nw..desperate for girls..bt u dunno tat actually im not..im jus...tryin to find somthin in tis world..somthin we call it ''true love''..since i was young...i dun really got family love as i was the 2nd son,which normally ppl dun really love them,they onli concern for the 1st n the last..n i was oways bein bullied by others..as i grow older..i learn to protect myself..bt yet,inside the sheild,its empty..ntgs in there..the 1st love i had was a failure coz of my temper,the 2nd,same..nw..finally i get to control it more n more..n im gettin better in it..bt,when i look bac..i saw tat everythin b4 tis...i missed it..i missed it all~~its jus too late..no matter wat i do..its jus too late..bt i oways pray to god..god,give me a chance to return to the past n do it right again..well,we all noe tat its impossible..nw,i dun wanna go bac..i wanna start it again~haizz..bt i dun think i hv the chance lo..actually..u all dun understand me..im jus a simple boy..even tho i might look tough from the outside bt inside is as soft as a feather..try to get into my life n slowly u'll understand me..unfortunately,no1 wanna take the risk of it..all jus gave up b4 tryin..haizz..no choice la..mayb it doesnt seem worth it anyway..hmm..im still waitin..waitin for the chance..n waitin for u..i might look flowery bt im real inside my heart..jus tat im still waitin for u to open it up..uncover the mystery,n discover the truth of it..

hmm...omost 1 month lo...haizz..pbt still the same.no matter wat kind of ways i try..still the same..she still dun reply me msg..dun call n stuff..sometims it makes me wonder..wat am i to her~~is she playin a fool wif me..or she is really tat busy..??bt..its the 1st 3 months for us,y feel like ntg de??once ppl say,if u got a cigarette on ur hand,a girl n a life with u,tats heaven..well,i got a cigaratte,in fact..i smoke alot..bt a nice life..??nah..i work damn hard for it..girl~~yea,i got 2..1 in japan..1 over here..japan..if she really is serious,still too far~~no use..over here tis 1..yea..so damn near to me..bt so wat..??jus feel like strangers btwn us..haizz..still livin in hell then...god..wat happen oh..y like tis de??i seriously tryin so hard for everythin nw..i really wan everythin around me work it out..bt y im seein like i screwed everythin?!!!arghh..i jus so pissed of myself..y cant i get a better life..i oways wander wat kind of life i had in my past life..izzit coz i did too many wrong thing..in tis life..i feel like im jus keep on payin bac to every1..jus like i owe them alot~!!!haizz...sien a..so damn bored of my life..who can save me from tis hell~~~plz~~~~~

hmm...b wif u oways 2weeks time baby~~yea..how fast the time past..we noe each other since primary scl..bt after 6 years time..we grow til we dun even recognize each other..at 1st when i noe tat,i was so surprise n excited..bt..seems like i still cant run away from tat curse of urs..no matter wat i tell u,there will oways ntg reply~~no matter how many times i call,u wont pick up or u'll jus hang up my call..its the 1st time ever in my life tat i hv such wide endurance towards som1..n yet..no matter how many times i told u dun try to test on my endurance..u wont take it in..it makin me so dissapointed tat i started to giv up on u...its not tat i dun love u anymor..bt im gettin so damn tired of oways hvin a hope on u n yet u keep on crushin it 1 by 1..not once..not twice..bt everytim...there's no tears from me to u...bt a damn cool heart..dun blame me babe..im sick enuf of all these..im so sry to say..i gav up..jus do watever u wan..til u realize me,i wont find u anymor...im so broken again..n tis time,is u~~~

2day is fathers' day..n a special day as well,carmen's b'day..bt..its oso another day which she dun pick up my calls n dun reply my msgs..it got worst when its her b'day n i cant scold or do anythin~!!!wasai..kanasai..wat the fuck is so hard bout takin up ur fuckin hp n jus press those buttons hah??jibai..r u playin a fool wif me or wat..wat the fuck u wan~!!!do u noe tat every single ppl has its own limitation n u~!!!r fuckin overed my own limitation!!!!!!!!if its not coz im fuckin controlin my own temper..u,oreadi got shot by me..arrggghh~~!!!i seriously fuckin angry of u,girl..wat the fuck u really wan~??!!!!!wat is it so different bwtn u n me than others couples???u dun like sms??how bout calls??dude..u dun even hv to do anythin bt jus pick it up n listen n talk..wat is it so hard or lazy bout??!!!!!!n u oreadi screw our date 4 times!!!!is 4 times!!!!!i duno whther u r really tat busy or wat..bt fuck u,if u let me find out tat u'r fuckin playin wif me...u'll noe wat happens to u...god,curse u to hell girl~!!!stay serious n do tat when ppl is serious to u~!!!!arggghhh~~~nw im fuckin mad n nuts n i startin to crap~~i dun even noe wat am i fuckin talkin bout~!!!!!!FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!ARRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~