hmm...jus come bac from hometown..my grandma gonna stay wif us for somtims to redo her passport...well..today was quite a day..i mean my beloved student..she went to ulu langat alone..by lrt n by taxi..my god..was worry of her..i mean..a girl..go so so far to jus meet her bf n apologize..haizz..hope tat guy will appreciate her...but her courage touched me..she reminds me of those crazy stuff i did..the courage i have when i was wif u..the bicycle..club..scl...hmm...girl..i missed u so much...hope everythin will get better...

every single touchin moment..there will b somthin..somthin which link ur heart together wif the scence..every single sad momnet..there will oways b somthin..somthin which caught ur heart n pull it down..n every single memories...there will oways b somthin..somthin which jus stay in ur mind..n jus live there selfishly without noticin u...but coz of tat selfishness...it makes it more perfectly memorable...

wat is bout life..after all..wats the reason we humans live in the earth..wat the reason of our life...a question i oways ask myself...oways tryin my best to find the answer..love..intelligent..faith...elligant..l.i.f.e....tats the 4 reason ppl livin nwadays..but tats not y im livin nw...im still findin 4 the reason..try to smoke..try to drink..try to life like how ppl do..but i found out tat..those r not my style..wat is my style..i dunno..wat i noe is..im still tryin very very hard to live..its very sufferin..very lonely of bein alone..but cant held to stop..once i stop..it'll b a big big distance btween the world n me...

news

well..dunno wats wrong wif the life lately..is it tat coz of my bad luck startin to spread around or wat..people around me keep on hvin problems...haizz..dunno wat to do actually..jus hope tat they will b happy n been thro every single problems..dun like me..no matter how long i took..im still standin at the same place..time never stops moving..so y do u...but if u asked me bac tis question..i....i dunno..mayb..tis time i really did kept my promise to love her eternity..i jus...love her..

relief..

finally..yesterday was my 1st batch of form 5 students went for spm math exam..hmm..quite worry bout their results tho..but i know they oreadi try their best in it...jus pray tat they din did any silly mistakes..hmm...lately still keep thinkin of u...yup..your family had gone bac to miri...remember the time b4..every end of the year..even tho its holiday..but we wont b meetin each other coz u hv to go bac to miri..last year was the last year i wish u good luck on the way to miri..still remember u went to work at ur uncle's shop..how worry i was...silly...hmm..somtims i wander.wat am i doin..y cant i jus appreciate somthin when i hv it..but somtims i jus confuse y cant i jus find every single solution for every single question...i feel so dissapointed bout my life...start to seein things in grey colour...hv no joy...no sadness..the deepest sorrow in the heart...i dunno wat to do anymor..jus..i lost the colourful life i used to have b4...nw..everything jus twisted bac to grey again...again the lonely me...

2012

today i went to midvally n watched the movie ''2012''..for the movie..of wat i can say is...nice..awesome..but it did scares me..i mean..every1's talking bout the end of the world..wat if it really happens in the year 2012..i mean we still hv like 2 more years..wat if tat time really happen stuff like tat in the movie or even worst..i dunno where to find a plane n i cant even fly it even if i found it..but if it really happens..the 1st thing im gonna do is find u..i jus wanna get u n run as fast as i could..i jus wanna make sure tat u'r safe even if i cant do anythin..but i'll jus run...run as fast as i could..to keep u safe at least..hmm..sadly..these days im still keep thinkin of u...funny huh...after such a long time..hmm..mayb u've 4got bout me..mayb u had thrown tat feelin far away..bt im still holdin it..jus holdin it...

a normal life...normal activities...no surprises..no nth...haizz..life lately is jus too normal..yea..mayb after been through some serious chaos..hmm...dun feel like carin bout anythin so much lately...thoughts hv bcome so negative jus incase anythin happen..at least im ready to protect myself...but no matter wat..i still cant change wat had oreadi happened...i hate it every time when i think bout it..i mean..y..when theres a path tat u can jus walk..but u dun take it...u think tat the path u'r walkin nw will b good enuf to train u...no way man..snap out of it...it doesnt even helps at all..hmm..but nvm...cant care so much nw..cant do anythin..pray inside my heart as god wont helps bsides than im the 1 who's helpin myself...changin every single dreams into reality is jus fakes...but changin every thing into thoughts..tats wat im suppose to do nw...the last love hv sent to u but u took it n throw it away...the heart is broken enuf n its time to pick up n stick it bac..its time..for me to stand up...

hmm..i was surprise by ur sudden call yesterday..n im even more surprise tat u'r jus near by my shop...u sound like there's spmthin troublin u...when u sound confuse in the phone whether to tell me bout it anot..my heart pounds...i was afraid tat somthin had happened to u...dunno y..til nw..i still cant control myself not to care bout u...after the whole chattin in macdonald..u said tat he's not happy n ask me to fetch u home straight...i dunno..yea..i might b a very tight mouth but...how do u aspect me to keep such a big secret...i mean..u r stayin in his house dude...!!!wat will ur parents react if somthin happen..???i was thought tat im jus illusionin as i oways feel tat u'r jus around...even tho u told me tat u'r stayin in nilai...but after yesterday..i noe i wasnt wrong...i noe u oreadi used to the ''got people care'' life style..u oreadi used to it whenever u nid somthin..its oreadi prepared for u..but..it hurts the most when everytim i think bac the facial expression of ur mom...she so hope tat u can b independant out there..she thinks tat tis is a chance for u to grow..but..i dunno...another word..yea..iif u wan tat kind of life..for wat u left..???me n ur family..for wat..???u din even grow at all...yes im still in love wif u but..sorry to tell u tat i guess im much more better than u nw...much much more..u'r way too bac girl...wats wrong wif u..wat the reason which hold u bac like tis...its not u..its seriously not u...like i said..its not tat u dun like tat i noe everything tat u wanna say..but u hate it coz u cant hide anythin from me as i really noe everythin..from the moment i see ur eyes...listen to ur voice...i oreadi can noe...there is no way u can hide from me..its jus hurt me more n more when everytim i noe tat u'r surfurin but u dun let me to help u...i dunno y u left..i dunno y u choose him..i dunno y u hv to continue like tis...shit thing..wake up god damn it...for god sake wake up n open up ur eyes...is tis wat u wan..dun tell me the answer through ur mouth..u tell urself through ur heart...!!!its not onli u make me so dissapointed...even ur parents will feel so if they noe it..its not bout him..its bout u...y do u hv to force urself been through all tis..u think by tis u'll learn to b strong..??u think by tis u'll b independant or wat..???u think it looks cool or wat..??there's still som space ffor u to turn bac so do it nw b4 its too late..make ur decisions...where r u CHUAH RUEY YING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i jus hang up the phone...i dunno wat to say..am i stupid or...guess i am...for loving u so so deep like tis..do u noe how much courage i took up jus to press the button to call..do u even noe how much bravery i have to use jus to ignore watever ur response is when u pick up the phone..but guess..my courage jus not much enough to take the reaction of urs when u pick up the phone..am i really tat wrong in time to call u or am i really ntg at all..yea..i am ntg nw...worthless to u..its been so so long i heard from u..today in mind my i was thinkin..mayb in the past im the 1 who oways waitin..mayb i should b more agreesive..but..hmm..mayb watever i did is jus wrong wrong wrong..mayb im jus meant to do ntg..no matter wat i do..its jus useless..no one will look at it...i missed u so so much..i tot u'll b happy at least when u hear my voice..but guess its jus all my imaginary...ntg was real at all..cry in the night..lookin for u..but u've far gone...left the onli me in the world..lookin up in the dark black sky..prayin for the star n moon to at least brightn=en the sky so tat i wont b so lonely..but the clouds have cover it all up..ntg's left for me...no matter how hard i pray for it..no matter how much effort i put in it..its jus all ntg...i love u for so long n hard..i try so so best to do everythin but guess...no matter wat i do n how hard i try...god jus wont even peep on it...mayb ppl hates me..mayb no one likes me..mayb..im the onli child who was been dump by the god...life sucks...life's nothing but an empty shell...full of fakes..lies...evils..darkness...i hate my life..i love u...but...nothing all but empty...

haizz...another day...2day after scl..went to midvally to watch movie..but dunno y..dun hv any mood..these few days..my mind keep hvin alot of thoughts..very confusing...alot of images appear again...2day...walk in mv the whole day...hopin u to appear..but in the end..guess i dun hv the luck...haizz..even tho everytim when in the phone i keep say tat its t=still not the time yet 4 us to meet..but in my heart..i seriously hope tat u'r jus bside me..jus like the olden times...i noe as the time past..we cant turn bac again..but til nw..i still dunno how..sadness never seems to b dissapear ever since the day u left...learnt alot of stuff n meanin in life..but dunno y still cant get out of the confusion...haizz...god...plz giv me some clue...i really dunno wat to do...