jus nw i was lookin thru my ex's blog..i mean..it was belongs to her..bt after we broke up,there's so many memories in there tat i din wan her to delete it,so i took it over n change the pw..onli while i was readin..there was so much of memories inside my mind keep on flashin thru...all those sweet,tough,miserable yet memorable memories..i miss my olden days when i was studyin in 2ndary scl..it was fun n nice..bt wat past its oreadi past,wat im hopin for its was next for my future..more challenges?or jus..its gonna b another screwed up future again..arghhh..i dunno bout it at all..bt i really hope tat,yes,i had a very nice n memorable memories..bt wat i wan nw is..i hope u can brin me the future memories babe~~~2day,it was a damn tirin day..i argue wif my baby..twice..could u imagine..twice n its not like 1 morning 1 night..its like we jus finish 1..then here comes another 1..omg..2day was tough..im havin a harsh time to get thru it..i mean,mayb..b4 tis i was good in talkin to comfort my love 1..bt 2day i was totally screwed up as i dun even noe wat to say bsides than sorry...my god..i feel so pathetic..bt..after then,i realise tat bsides than im sorry..i can still say i love u..mayb it looks bit normal bt its a powerful word n it brings alot of meanings in it...i love u baby,i do...gosh..im so damn tired nw~~zzzz...

its been so long ever i update my blog...well..for the pass few months..my life got into a huge change again...ppl around me..my relationship..my life...im currently studyin degree nw..which at 1st i was totally excited bout it bt end up everything its jus dissapointment..i step into a business competition n was spoted by a group of sociation of my scl..i got a gf pass 2 months ago bt its still a big mess over there..everythin its jus..oh my god..i dunno how to say..im so damn fuckin tired..no..i should say..i've never been energetic b4...2day..i went to my gf's hosue n gav her a surprise..i mean at 1st,it was sunday..another borin weekend,i tot we can chat bit 2day bt end up..she's still stuck in the gamblin game in fb..fuck tat game tat cause her loss all the time wif me..fine..im oreadi startin to emo..then suddenly it starts to rain so damn heavy,she stop playin n texted me..tat time i was cookin spagetti..then she said she wanna eat as well..in my mind,i was thinkin..hmm..everytim she dun think i'll really go to her house n get her wat she wan..y dun tis time i make it as a surprise..i finish cookin,packed up n leave..it was rainin so damn heavy tat when i drive on the road,i can feel my car's like floatin on the water..nvm..then when i was about to reach,i called her..n she fall aslp..nvm,i told her i was goin to her house..when i reach..i went down from the car,thinkin tat it will b good if once she come down,she see me waitin over there..bt things startin to b so damn different from wat i imagine..when she come down,she saw me n start scoldin me..wat the hell r u doin here,wat if my dad sees u n blablablablabla..fine..nvm..yea,its my fault..then we went into the car n i pass her the spagetti..she ate a few mouth n she's full..while she's eatin,i was lookin at her..i wanted to see how she looks like when she ate the food tat i cooked..it should b a very happy thing..instead,she scold me y am i lookin at her while she's eatin..how is she goin to eat..fine,the 2nd shot,i look away...she pass bac the spegetti to me n then she starts to play her hp game again..wat the hell..nvm,i ate the rest of the spagetti..bt i jus ate 2-3 mouth then i stop..i was like..u oreadi play the whole day...n these few days u barely text wif me..n its a one of a hell chance tat we can b 2gether n u'r playin ur idiotic game again?~!!!fine..these whole day was shit...eventually,my face emotion started to change..she saw it n she scold again y the hell u oways show me tat ''fuck-up'' face..finish sayin tat,she open the door n jus left..i was like wat the fuck,wat do u wan me to do?!!i plan to giv u a surprise,end up one by one it screws up n u expect me to b happy?!!!fuck up!!!!n nw it goes again,u'r stuck wif the stupid fb game again!!!!argghh~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i jus saw the last blog tat i wrote..wow..its oreadi been a month ever since i've update it..well,time pass by so damn fast..it feels like it was jus yesterday tat i've jus graduate from my secondary scl life...hmm..a month..it really could happen alot alot of stuff..me,4 tis whole month,i met up wif a girl n got her as my gf..actually she's 1 of my collegues in my workin place in the restaurant..b4 tis,we were like enemies..i dunno y..i mean to me,she's ok..we din really talk so there's ntg bad of her for me to gossip bout bt she..everytim she see me,the way she look at me its like so damn annoyin~!!!like im her biggest enemy in the world or somthin...bt 1 day i decided to sms her n chat..well,slowly slowly..well,u guys noe it..the love story begins..to me,she's totally not a perfect girl i wan..she's not cute,not pretty,not tat smart,not polite,not tall,not sexy enuf nt everythin..bt..i finds out..thru out all these ''not''..tats the reason y she caught me in the eye...the way she talk,express herself..the way she laugh..she burp~..she play..she..jus..so normal..tats wat makes she the girl i wanna love n protect for the rest of the time,well..at least in the time being where we'r still 2gether..bt..1 thing..yea,she's a playgirl in the past,nw i blive tat she change..hoepfully~~~~XS...hmm...at 1st,i wonder..y like every girl i love in my life til nw at least..all r play girl...is tis the other mission like after i change her good,then she'll dump me again..jus like others..haizz..dunno..bt like wat she oways told me..y dun we jus stop thinkin so much n jus let it b..at least..we'r happy wif each other nw..yea..mayb she's right bout it..at least..we both love each other so much nw~~^^

im feelin so tired nw..nt coz i slp late or wat..the heart..its poundin slower n slower..nt tat im dyin..bt..tired..tired of everythin..bored of everythin..nw i noe..love is actually somthin huge..somthin big n somthin important in our life..we cant life without it seriously..its the energy..its the power~!!!bt tats wat im lackin nw..my power is runnin low..everythin is so screwed up...im tired~~

another mornin where i was left home wif my mum's car coz they wan me to slp late bit..bt..no matter how long i could slp..i still feel very very tired..tat feelins is comin from my heart..hmm..yesterday went to my fren's b'day celebration wif carmen at lot10..the 1st time i brought her 2gether wif me in tis kind of celebration..bt i felt so damn regret..1st,we suppose to go out at 1..bt she make it til 1.30..nvm,girls~then when she's on the car,she asked me to bring her to 1 place 1st coz she wanna take somthin for me..well,in my heart i was thinkin we oreadi late n later u nid to go bac like 4..nvm,lucky its jus near..so i drove her there..instead of straight stop at the shop's front..she ask me to stop damn far away..when she went down..she walk torwards different direction instead of goin to the shop..i felt very weird so i off my engine n went down to take a look..bt i cant see her..so i jus went bac to my car..then she's there..so i din care much..jus went into the car coz we oreadi very late~then she called a person n start sayin ''did u get the thing..i dowan to let u see me..later night r u free?i wanna talk to u..''while talkin..tears drop from the beautiful eyes..n same goes to my heart..felt broken again..coz on tat moment..all my specialty came bac..i could hear wat she's thinkin again...its a fact tat i keep on avoidin to understand..alot of my frens who know carmen told me tat she's a playgirl..i knew it to..bt i blive tat she oreadi changed..who noes...it starts to ruined my day...after she hang up the call,she starts sayin hvin bad mood 2day...who mess wif me will b dead..i was thinkin..if u talk again i'll make u dead~!!!!!!!im in the fuckin same car wif u,jus sittin bside u..n did u think tat im deaf?nvm..fine..it suppose to b a great day..hold on..then i park my car in timesquare coz i dunno how to drive to lot10 even tho its jus opposite the street..so we walk to lot10..i wanted to hold her hand..she shake off..nvm..i put my hand on her shoulder,she push it off n say will bad luck..==fuck la..fine,i dun touch u..idiotic shit!!!i got so pissed up when she starts complainin i park so far,nid to walk la..tis la tat la..==..i cant stand it n jus walk..i walk so fast til she was totally left bhind..she chase up n ask y i walk so fast..i jus smile n pretend ntg happen..when reach there..my frens came..then..here comes my nightmare..she start sayin things like y u bring me to tis kind of place..if i knew early,i dowanna come...n my frens were all there when she say it LOUDLY!!jibai!!!i felt so damn fuckin embarrassed..nvm,we go in...eat..she jus sit there wif her hp..i took som food for her..when we starts eatin..she told me tat she dowanna eat..n say she'll take herself if she wan..ok..then i dun care her,i ate my own..suddenly,somthin shock me..she took out another hp..n tat hp was her old 1 which she say oreadi spoiled..i was like..din u say it spoiled..she say owh,2day i took out n see its ok so i use lo..n i was like y u got 2 num bt i din noe..she jus smile..wat the fuck...hello,is there any more secrets of u which i din noe~!!!fuck up..i totally shut up!!!!!!i got so damn bad mood bt still hv to smile in front of my frens..great!!!n end up,she din really eat anythin..jus a dessert n som drinks n bit of vegetable..its a buffet..n i pay like 20somthin..yea..i noe its not much..bt its been a shit for the whole day u make me..n nw u din even care to giv me face in front of my fren..i felt such a shame..so damn regret..so damn pissed!!great!!!the whole day!!!!i felt tat whole my life til nw..i keep on couplin ppl up..my 1st love,i couple it wif my best fren..2nd gf..bac to her ex..n tis time..i dunno wanna couple up wif which bastard again..i felt so damn tired..so tired..lucky i got bac my mind readin..nw..i will stay strong..i wont let any love screwer to screw up my love again!!!ok..u can b bit flirty..like me..im not tat perfect..bt no matter how flirty i am..im still loyal to who i love~~n tis is wat u all gav me..good~

phew..wat a dramatic week..yesterday n 2day it was full of drama..yesterday after i fetch my sis to her tuition class..i was about to go to my fren's house to hang out for awhile..who noes i receive a call from my formal student yan,n said tat she's somewhere else..then the call got cut..later on,her bf called..n ask me to go to carfour there..ok..when i reach,i saw yan's as cryin badly..i parked my car n went to them..her bf,joey jus giv me her bag,n ask me to take care of her for him..n plus he hand me a cheque n ask me to turn it into cash as well..i was like wat the..wats goin on..y like tis oh??in my mind i knew they'r goin to break..well,yan jus push joey away n run..i hv no choice bt to catch up wif her jus incase she got into som trouble..then i really dunno how to explain to her mum since im still teachin her bro currently..well,after catch up wif her n consul her..we meet up again wif her bf n pai,her fren in a cafe..haizz..it was all jus som stupid misunderstandin..teenagers..they dun even noe wats love n they think they do...wat they'r doin will jus bring suffer to the world..they polluted the word love n the romance it created..u guys..dun call nor tell tat u'r in love if u dun even understand it!!!i hate ppl who pollute it..i hate ppl who makes love as a disgustion..i hate u all..if u all cant take up the suffers,if u guys dun even understand the world..stop fallin in such puppy idiotic lovin thing where u all will jus pollute it!!!!!

define happy n unhappy..accordin to the dictionary..happiness is a kind of feelings where excitement flush thru ur emotions n u feel great n motivated..whereby unhappy is vice versa..bt how to we apply it into our real life..does these words really can b define such easily..?the answer is no..every single person in the world will not gain the ultimate happiness..y?we learn to 4giv,we learn to 4get..we learn to sacrifice,we learn to accept..all our life is keep on learnin learnin learnin n learnin..bout wat??bout bein humble n accept everythin..in another word is learn to b stupid enuf to blame ourself no matter wat happen so tat ppl around us will b happy n satisfied..learn to live..learn to stay alive..reasons tat we've been searchin for our whole life..tryin to solve every single question we meet so tat we could live better..bt end up..?we get aint ntg bt still blames n lies..i tot i could..i tot i stand up i tot i crawl bac up again..i tot i survive from the pain..bt in fact,i din..wat i did was jus keep on givin tones of pain killer jus to cover up the pain n live on..it's so much til i omost got cheat by it til 2day..til 2day when i listen to a song..when i recalls all my memories..when i look bac wats goin on around me..then i realise..everythin i hv around me r all jus lies..ever since the 1st moment i started to grow..ppl around u..every single thing they do,there's oways a purpose..except for som1..to me..is my parents...i feel tired i feel sorry to myself..im torturin myself tat i cant even accept it..bt still im cont to do it..im tryin my best to hide from my family..im tryin my best to hide from every1..hvin the worst part is wish the person tat u seriously love wif happily ever after wif som other jerks..knowin tat u'r bein play like a fool,bt u still hv to move on jus to make sure tat u dun giv troubles to others..i hate tis feelin..i really really hate it..i oways wander..is there..is there som1,or somthin out there..plz...jus plz..giv me a hand..save me..or jus giv me a sign or somthin..angel n devil within me had left me long gone..nw im all on my own..i cant take it anymor longer..jus plz..save me..dissapointment is full within me..talk to me,som1..jus plz..