~Love Heaven~

2010-11-17T10:49:00.000-08:00

jus nw i was lookin thru my ex's blog..i mean..it was belongs to her..bt after we broke up,there's so many memories in there tat i din wan her to delete it,so i took it over n change the pw..onli while i was readin..there was so much of memories inside my mind keep on flashin thru...all those sweet,tough,miserable yet memorable memories..i miss my olden days when i was studyin in 2ndary scl..it was fun n nice..bt wat past its oreadi past,wat im hopin for its was next for my future..more challenges?or jus..its gonna b another screwed up future again..arghhh..i dunno bout it at all..bt i really hope tat,yes,i had a very nice n memorable memories..bt wat i wan nw is..i hope u can brin me the future memories babe~~~2day,it was a damn tirin day..i argue wif my baby..twice..could u imagine..twice n its not like 1 morning 1 night..its like we jus finish 1..then here comes another 1..omg..2day was tough..im havin a harsh time to get thru it..i mean,mayb..b4 tis i was good in talkin to comfort my love 1..bt 2day i was totally screwed up as i dun even noe wat to say bsides than sorry...my god..i feel so pathetic..bt..after then,i realise tat bsides than im sorry..i can still say i love u..mayb it looks bit normal bt its a powerful word n it brings alot of meanings in it...i love u baby,i do...gosh..im so damn tired nw~~zzzz...

2010-11-14T03:10:00.000-08:00

its been so long ever i update my blog...well..for the pass few months..my life got into a huge change again...ppl around me..my relationship..my life...im currently studyin degree nw..which at 1st i was totally excited bout it bt end up everything its jus dissapointment..i step into a business competition n was spoted by a group of sociation of my scl..i got a gf pass 2 months ago bt its still a big mess over there..everythin its jus..oh my god..i dunno how to say..im so damn fuckin tired..no..i should say..i've never been energetic b4...2day..i went to my gf's hosue n gav her a surprise..i mean at 1st,it was sunday..another borin weekend,i tot we can chat bit 2day bt end up..she's still stuck in the gamblin game in fb..fuck tat game tat cause her loss all the time wif me..fine..im oreadi startin to emo..then suddenly it starts to rain so damn heavy,she stop playin n texted me..tat time i was cookin spagetti..then she said she wanna eat as well..in my mind,i was thinkin..hmm..everytim she dun think i'll really go to her house n get her wat she wan..y dun tis time i make it as a surprise..i finish cookin,packed up n leave..it was rainin so damn heavy tat when i drive on the road,i can feel my car's like floatin on the water..nvm..then when i was about to reach,i called her..n she fall aslp..nvm,i told her i was goin to her house..when i reach..i went down from the car,thinkin tat it will b good if once she come down,she see me waitin over there..bt things startin to b so damn different from wat i imagine..when she come down,she saw me n start scoldin me..wat the hell r u doin here,wat if my dad sees u n blablablablabla..fine..nvm..yea,its my fault..then we went into the car n i pass her the spagetti..she ate a few mouth n she's full..while she's eatin,i was lookin at her..i wanted to see how she looks like when she ate the food tat i cooked..it should b a very happy thing..instead,she scold me y am i lookin at her while she's eatin..how is she goin to eat..fine,the 2nd shot,i look away...she pass bac the spegetti to me n then she starts to play her hp game again..wat the hell..nvm,i ate the rest of the spagetti..bt i jus ate 2-3 mouth then i stop..i was like..u oreadi play the whole day...n these few days u barely text wif me..n its a one of a hell chance tat we can b 2gether n u'r playin ur idiotic game again?~!!!fine..these whole day was shit...eventually,my face emotion started to change..she saw it n she scold again y the hell u oways show me tat ''fuck-up'' face..finish sayin tat,she open the door n jus left..i was like wat the fuck,wat do u wan me to do?!!i plan to giv u a surprise,end up one by one it screws up n u expect me to b happy?!!!fuck up!!!!n nw it goes again,u'r stuck wif the stupid fb game again!!!!argghh~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-10-06T22:21:00.000-07:00

i jus saw the last blog tat i wrote..wow..its oreadi been a month ever since i've update it..well,time pass by so damn fast..it feels like it was jus yesterday tat i've jus graduate from my secondary scl life...hmm..a month..it really could happen alot alot of stuff..me,4 tis whole month,i met up wif a girl n got her as my gf..actually she's 1 of my collegues in my workin place in the restaurant..b4 tis,we were like enemies..i dunno y..i mean to me,she's ok..we din really talk so there's ntg bad of her for me to gossip bout bt she..everytim she see me,the way she look at me its like so damn annoyin~!!!like im her biggest enemy in the world or somthin...bt 1 day i decided to sms her n chat..well,slowly slowly..well,u guys noe it..the love story begins..to me,she's totally not a perfect girl i wan..she's not cute,not pretty,not tat smart,not polite,not tall,not sexy enuf nt everythin..bt..i finds out..thru out all these ''not''..tats the reason y she caught me in the eye...the way she talk,express herself..the way she laugh..she burp~..she play..she..jus..so normal..tats wat makes she the girl i wanna love n protect for the rest of the time,well..at least in the time being where we'r still 2gether..bt..1 thing..yea,she's a playgirl in the past,nw i blive tat she change..hoepfully~~~~XS...hmm...at 1st,i wonder..y like every girl i love in my life til nw at least..all r play girl...is tis the other mission like after i change her good,then she'll dump me again..jus like others..haizz..dunno..bt like wat she oways told me..y dun we jus stop thinkin so much n jus let it b..at least..we'r happy wif each other nw..yea..mayb she's right bout it..at least..we both love each other so much nw~~^^

2010-09-02T11:36:00.000-07:00

im feelin so tired nw..nt coz i slp late or wat..the heart..its poundin slower n slower..nt tat im dyin..bt..tired..tired of everythin..bored of everythin..nw i noe..love is actually somthin huge..somthin big n somthin important in our life..we cant life without it seriously..its the energy..its the power~!!!bt tats wat im lackin nw..my power is runnin low..everythin is so screwed up...im tired~~

2010-08-23T20:04:00.000-07:00

another mornin where i was left home wif my mum's car coz they wan me to slp late bit..bt..no matter how long i could slp..i still feel very very tired..tat feelins is comin from my heart..hmm..yesterday went to my fren's b'day celebration wif carmen at lot10..the 1st time i brought her 2gether wif me in tis kind of celebration..bt i felt so damn regret..1st,we suppose to go out at 1..bt she make it til 1.30..nvm,girls~then when she's on the car,she asked me to bring her to 1 place 1st coz she wanna take somthin for me..well,in my heart i was thinkin we oreadi late n later u nid to go bac like 4..nvm,lucky its jus near..so i drove her there..instead of straight stop at the shop's front..she ask me to stop damn far away..when she went down..she walk torwards different direction instead of goin to the shop..i felt very weird so i off my engine n went down to take a look..bt i cant see her..so i jus went bac to my car..then she's there..so i din care much..jus went into the car coz we oreadi very late~then she called a person n start sayin ''did u get the thing..i dowan to let u see me..later night r u free?i wanna talk to u..''while talkin..tears drop from the beautiful eyes..n same goes to my heart..felt broken again..coz on tat moment..all my specialty came bac..i could hear wat she's thinkin again...its a fact tat i keep on avoidin to understand..alot of my frens who know carmen told me tat she's a playgirl..i knew it to..bt i blive tat she oreadi changed..who noes...it starts to ruined my day...after she hang up the call,she starts sayin hvin bad mood 2day...who mess wif me will b dead..i was thinkin..if u talk again i'll make u dead~!!!!!!!im in the fuckin same car wif u,jus sittin bside u..n did u think tat im deaf?nvm..fine..it suppose to b a great day..hold on..then i park my car in timesquare coz i dunno how to drive to lot10 even tho its jus opposite the street..so we walk to lot10..i wanted to hold her hand..she shake off..nvm..i put my hand on her shoulder,she push it off n say will bad luck..==fuck la..fine,i dun touch u..idiotic shit!!!i got so pissed up when she starts complainin i park so far,nid to walk la..tis la tat la..==..i cant stand it n jus walk..i walk so fast til she was totally left bhind..she chase up n ask y i walk so fast..i jus smile n pretend ntg happen..when reach there..my frens came..then..here comes my nightmare..she start sayin things like y u bring me to tis kind of place..if i knew early,i dowanna come...n my frens were all there when she say it LOUDLY!!jibai!!!i felt so damn fuckin embarrassed..nvm,we go in...eat..she jus sit there wif her hp..i took som food for her..when we starts eatin..she told me tat she dowanna eat..n say she'll take herself if she wan..ok..then i dun care her,i ate my own..suddenly,somthin shock me..she took out another hp..n tat hp was her old 1 which she say oreadi spoiled..i was like..din u say it spoiled..she say owh,2day i took out n see its ok so i use lo..n i was like y u got 2 num bt i din noe..she jus smile..wat the fuck...hello,is there any more secrets of u which i din noe~!!!fuck up..i totally shut up!!!!!!i got so damn bad mood bt still hv to smile in front of my frens..great!!!n end up,she din really eat anythin..jus a dessert n som drinks n bit of vegetable..its a buffet..n i pay like 20somthin..yea..i noe its not much..bt its been a shit for the whole day u make me..n nw u din even care to giv me face in front of my fren..i felt such a shame..so damn regret..so damn pissed!!great!!!the whole day!!!!i felt tat whole my life til nw..i keep on couplin ppl up..my 1st love,i couple it wif my best fren..2nd gf..bac to her ex..n tis time..i dunno wanna couple up wif which bastard again..i felt so damn tired..so tired..lucky i got bac my mind readin..nw..i will stay strong..i wont let any love screwer to screw up my love again!!!ok..u can b bit flirty..like me..im not tat perfect..bt no matter how flirty i am..im still loyal to who i love~~n tis is wat u all gav me..good~

2010-08-22T00:12:00.000-07:00

phew..wat a dramatic week..yesterday n 2day it was full of drama..yesterday after i fetch my sis to her tuition class..i was about to go to my fren's house to hang out for awhile..who noes i receive a call from my formal student yan,n said tat she's somewhere else..then the call got cut..later on,her bf called..n ask me to go to carfour there..ok..when i reach,i saw yan's as cryin badly..i parked my car n went to them..her bf,joey jus giv me her bag,n ask me to take care of her for him..n plus he hand me a cheque n ask me to turn it into cash as well..i was like wat the..wats goin on..y like tis oh??in my mind i knew they'r goin to break..well,yan jus push joey away n run..i hv no choice bt to catch up wif her jus incase she got into som trouble..then i really dunno how to explain to her mum since im still teachin her bro currently..well,after catch up wif her n consul her..we meet up again wif her bf n pai,her fren in a cafe..haizz..it was all jus som stupid misunderstandin..teenagers..they dun even noe wats love n they think they do...wat they'r doin will jus bring suffer to the world..they polluted the word love n the romance it created..u guys..dun call nor tell tat u'r in love if u dun even understand it!!!i hate ppl who pollute it..i hate ppl who makes love as a disgustion..i hate u all..if u all cant take up the suffers,if u guys dun even understand the world..stop fallin in such puppy idiotic lovin thing where u all will jus pollute it!!!!!

2010-08-18T08:12:00.000-07:00

define happy n unhappy..accordin to the dictionary..happiness is a kind of feelings where excitement flush thru ur emotions n u feel great n motivated..whereby unhappy is vice versa..bt how to we apply it into our real life..does these words really can b define such easily..?the answer is no..every single person in the world will not gain the ultimate happiness..y?we learn to 4giv,we learn to 4get..we learn to sacrifice,we learn to accept..all our life is keep on learnin learnin learnin n learnin..bout wat??bout bein humble n accept everythin..in another word is learn to b stupid enuf to blame ourself no matter wat happen so tat ppl around us will b happy n satisfied..learn to live..learn to stay alive..reasons tat we've been searchin for our whole life..tryin to solve every single question we meet so tat we could live better..bt end up..?we get aint ntg bt still blames n lies..i tot i could..i tot i stand up i tot i crawl bac up again..i tot i survive from the pain..bt in fact,i din..wat i did was jus keep on givin tones of pain killer jus to cover up the pain n live on..it's so much til i omost got cheat by it til 2day..til 2day when i listen to a song..when i recalls all my memories..when i look bac wats goin on around me..then i realise..everythin i hv around me r all jus lies..ever since the 1st moment i started to grow..ppl around u..every single thing they do,there's oways a purpose..except for som1..to me..is my parents...i feel tired i feel sorry to myself..im torturin myself tat i cant even accept it..bt still im cont to do it..im tryin my best to hide from my family..im tryin my best to hide from every1..hvin the worst part is wish the person tat u seriously love wif happily ever after wif som other jerks..knowin tat u'r bein play like a fool,bt u still hv to move on jus to make sure tat u dun giv troubles to others..i hate tis feelin..i really really hate it..i oways wander..is there..is there som1,or somthin out there..plz...jus plz..giv me a hand..save me..or jus giv me a sign or somthin..angel n devil within me had left me long gone..nw im all on my own..i cant take it anymor longer..jus plz..save me..dissapointment is full within me..talk to me,som1..jus plz..

2010-08-13T10:38:00.000-07:00

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

I can't tell you what it really is, I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now it's a steel knife in my windpipe
I can't breathe but I still fight while I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight
High off her love, drunk from my hate, it's like I'm huffin' paint
And I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate
And right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates me, she f**kin' hates me
And I love it, "wait, where you goin'?"
"I'm leavin' you," "no you ain't come back"
We're runnin' right back, here we go again
So insane, cause when it's goin' good it's goin' great
I'm superman with the wind in his back, she's Lois Lane
But when it's bad it's awful, I feel so ashamed I snap
Whose that dude? I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her
I never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe
When you with em you meet and neither one of you even know what hit em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills used to get em
Now you're getting f**kin' sick of lookin' at em
You swore you'd never hit em, never do nothin' to hurt em
Now you're in each other's face spewin' venom in your words when you spit em
You push pull each other's hair
Scratch claw hit em throw em down pin em
So lost in the moments when you're in em
It's the face that's the culprit, controls you both
So they say it's best to go your seperate ways
Guess that they don't know ya
Cause today that was yesterday
Yesterday is over, it's a different day
Sound like broken records playin' over
But you promised her next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no nintendo game, but you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

Now I know we said things, did things, that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is, you're the same as me
When it comes to love you're just as blinded
Baby please come back, it wasn't you, baby it was me
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
Come inside, pick up the bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk?
Told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed I'll aim my fist at the drywall
Next time there won't be no next time
I apologize even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games I just want her back
I know I'm a liar if she ever tries to f**kin' leave again
I'ma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

song from eminem fit rihanna..a song tat hook up alot of my memories~~seriously..alot..i was like the guy in the mv n lydia was like the girl..end up..it seperates both of us~~~

2010-08-13T09:27:00.000-07:00

2moro im goin out wif my frens n overnight at 1 of my fren's house...well..out of these whole week,i was expectin 2moro's outin..i mean i could hv fun,relax n enjoy wat i hv..so jus nw i was plannin to call more frens to go..1,2moro got fren b'day,party n cannot go..ok lo,nvm..then here comes the exciting part..the other fren tat i call,i told him,2moro we'r goin out,then night we go cc straight down..then he say morning can for movie,bt night cannot..well..he jus got a gf..its like kinda web-girl~~so he has to spend night time to accompany his partner to play games or wat i dunno la..then i say oh..got gf oreadi..ok lo..nvm la..ntg la..i mean..since u'r not free..i dowan after movie then u hvto rush bac to home..its so not fun u noe..2moro outin suppose to b relaxin n fun..so nvm la if u'r not free..then he started to angry n nag over there..==..haizz..dissapointed..i mean..everytim u got a girl..then u'll turn over to ur frens..after tat,when u'r alone again..u'll come bac n find us..wat oh..==..nvm..haizz..argghh~~~~dunno la..i find tat i hv som kind of sickness lately..jealousy..not coz of wat bt coz others got nice gf n i dun~~==..argghh~~~too lonely...XS...SHIT LA~!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-08-12T21:47:00.000-07:00

well,nw im hvin my holiday til 6 of september as my degree program starts..hmm..a long holiday,bored n bored n bored..my god..everyday..as i wake up,i hv to think..yea..another day..i dunno wat to do..wanderin around..3 pm i hv to work..til evening n hv a quick dinner then i hv to work again..god..its so bored..all my time hv been stuck up..i dunno wat to do..i mean..well,mayb ppl see me keep on workin its like good la,then u'll earn alot of money..yea right..i hv to work like shit n face all kinds of problems n challenges everyday..salary doesnt even attractive..everyday i keep on thinkin is there anyway to let me earn more n more..bt til the end..wat i got its not enuf at all..nw im actually earnin for myself..my parents no nid to spend money on me bt..its sufferin..really really sufferin..1 k per month..hv to use for the whole month n end of the day..i got ntg..life..everyday when i go home..on my pc n go to fb..expectin my so call japan gf to reply me or chat..none..my actual 1..she aint giv a shit on me nw..dunno whether she's busyin on her study or wat bt i dun hv the strenght to care anymor..huh...i still remember my last exam..the essay tat i wrote was way to got a happy life..a sentence tat i oways use to encourage ppl is oways enjoy wat u'r doin..bt..i dun..i dun at all..im findin a way out..life's is like a single man whos trap in a empty island..no way to out..hopin everyday tat som1 might jus discover me..bt in the end..dissapointment is full in my heart..nw..its rainin..n im in the college waitin for a lecturer to sign my application form to degree..haizz..bored..i wanna go for a vacation..to relax..bt my wallet is oways empty..read the newspaper n a guy..he went around the world..without spendin any money..he survived by jus acceptin frens around the world tat he dun even noe..i mean..those ppl r from fb..he post n hopin ppl around the world to support the financial needs whenever he went to a place..how admired i was when i read bout the news..i wish i could do tat bt i noe i cant..i hv to stay jus to take care of my family..everyday i sign in front of my mum..bt i still hv to wear a smile jus to show her tat im strong enuf to life..they oreadi hvin enuf streesed to fund my siblings..i dun wanna add on pressure on them..sis's startin to grow up n her mind set was bein polluted by frens around..bt we'r tryin hard to pull her bac..bro..dun even mention bout him..in my eyes..he's jus a loser..not to say tat i look down at him bt yea..he is..everyday busy bout her stupid gf tat feels like he abandone the family..wat i wish for is not much bt a place for me to jus spill out all my suffer..everyday every night..i hope to go out..jus to find som frens n hv fun..searchin in my life tat som1 could jus understand me..1 thing..1 day i dreamed bout my 1st gf n 2nd..these 2 r my favourite honestly..well,in tat dream..i manage to get bac wif my 1st,melanie..n my 2nd gf,lydia..yup,she's wif her bf..in tat dream..i was happy..at least i noe i got a chance to redo wat i did wrong..when i awake..everythin change bac to normal..i text mel to asked few question of coz..well,she rejected as i expected..i noe i was stupid to ask bt..haizz..enuf of tat..when she read bout tis,for sure she'll say tat im ammature again..i dun blame her..i noe she's a special girl in the end..i let her go when i noe tat my best fren is givn a hope on her...lydia..im glad tat she got wat she want nw..seriously..u guys noe..a zombie game name left 4 dead..tat has been a life tat i oways hope for..i mean not to say to b cruel or wat..bt in tat game..frenship,hopes r oways around..they fought for life..for frens..for wat they hope to jus stay alive everyday..might b lonely bt at least..they got a dream..a dream to revive the world..llokin at ppl nwadays disgusted me alot..ppl r selfish..they do wat they nid to do in order to protect themselves..in my mind..whenever ppl nids help n i could..i will oways lend a hand to help them survive thru the problems..y..y ppl aint goin for a try..y..y ppl r so selfish..world is endin n i could see it..every1 could..disaster r happenin everywhere..dispict of gettin closer..ppl dun even care bt makin things worst..come on..care bout every1 around u..plz..make the world more colourful like b4..stop wars n killings..stop all the crime tat u'r doin..at least..lend a hope of urs to the world..

2010-08-03T10:21:00.000-07:00

its been somtim i updated my blog..well,my latest news..i jus finish my foundation final exam few days ago..its a relief actually tat i finally end my foudation course~well,it means tat degree program is comin n its more hard work n challenges~~well,im oreadi facin alot of it tho..my works,friendships,loves..hmm..bt im glad tat even none of devil nor angel is bsides me,im still able to complete it..im blessed tat i gain a little help from THEY tat i got to past my exam so relaxin...thankyou so much..i really appreciate it...n my life..its gettin more n moer hard bt im still here..still standin...still breathin..carmen,well,its been somtims..bt glad tat somtims,u jus suddenly appear n giv me a surprise even tho alot of dissapointment gav by u bt still..thankyou..hmm..time pass so so fast tat i din really realise tat end of the year is comin...its jus like tis for tis year..ikeep on thinkin tat..1 year..jus pass like tat bt every1 is hvin somthin on them..bt how bout me..wat hv i done tis year??well..let me see..finally i went to clubbin..n its oreadi twice,i finally bought a new hp,full touch screen n tis time is real..even tho its bac to warranty..==..ermm,i got 2 new gf,no is 3 i guess if included neko..out of 3,jasmine was failure,neko was unfutureless if there's such word,carmen was over the line..so..in conclude,love life sucks,work,got 1 or 2 new student,bt hard time comes when its actually 6-7 hundred im earnin..==..nvm,hvin single life let me got chance to do n buy things tat i wan..currently purchasin a new watch..damn nice 1 bt hope wont been cheated..n...well,hmm..guess tats all..so..wat u guys think hah??wat so special bout my year tis time?ha..non...mind seems to stop runnin..all imagination n wishes jus ends like a pop of a bubble..dissapear in the air..listened to few nice songs..1 of them was like hopin the airplane in the night sky was a wishin star..well,tat impact me..i oways hope..not to b greedy bt at least 1 of my hope will jus..hmm..yea right~~

2010-07-24T09:09:00.000-07:00

hmm..lately..i dun really blog tat much..dunno..mayb out of those reasons,mine is..i oreadi got so fed up bout things in my life..or i jus let it b or i jus sick of it or i jus..hmm..dunno...alot of secrets..alot of things..alot of stress n alot of preasure on me lately..im findin a way to let those go..bt..i jus cant find 1..hmm..hvin gf like hvin none..ok la..let me tell u guys bout my latest news..1st..i find it kinda hard for me to blive ppl tat i care lately..make it simple..like my gf..ok..my so called ''half gf''..coz we'r hvin time out nw for her study...lately she ask me to borrow som money to her coz she nid it..ok..then afte i boro..she din really sms me or pick up my calls..well,at 1st i think it was normal coz she is like tat..bt then out of a sudden..i think tat whenever she nids me onli she will find me..others..no..am i a tool to her or wat..haizz..im so damn confuse wif tis kind of thoughts spinnin in my head man~~@.@..well then nvm..then..my workin case..im currently replacin a teacher in the tuition center coz she went off to giv birth a baby~~so i'll b replacin her for like 2 months..well,its oreadi very tough when i dun really noe the students bt i hv to teach them n they'r like comparin me n the teacher..well,obviously..i cant b really strict to them coz im not their actual teacher so they kinda take advantages on tat n bully me bit..after i show them some colours,they start to b tamed by me~~^^..onli left 1 little bastard..n his mum..tats the problematic 1..i mean..ok..ur kid is damn smart..he can understand things tat i teach very fast..bt the onli thing is..he is so damn naughty tat he noe wats the answer bt he jus act like he doesnt n keep on makin mistakes..i dun wanna point it out to u jus coz i dowan u to b embarresed..bt u in the other side..tryin to back stab me..sayin tat dunno i noe the way to teach anot..or am i qualify anot..i mean..halo~~~ok,een tho i might look young..bt do u noe how much students tat i teach hvin fly colours in their results nw??im not tryin to praise myself bt tats the fact ok?==..n plz..if u'r really tat good..then try to teach ur own son..bt unfortunately..u dun even understand ur own son..tats so sad of u..bt nvm..after 1 month time i wont b teachin ur son anymor..so nw i'll try my best to stay calm..hmm..my life..well,i jus bought a new hp which im quite happy bout it..bt..nw i think..got a new hp oso no use..no 1 sms..no calls..haizz..even for my so called japanese gf..she say she din on9 for like 1 month plus coz she's in the hospital..accident happen worr..ok..then i ask her to text me..actually alot of times oreadi..bt everytim oso no reaction..i mean,if u really mean it..n u'r so rich~~i dun think u'll find it expensiv~~bt still..haizz..nvm..im kinda fed up on tis kind of things..i'll never realy got a reply on somthin..n jus nw..i was tryin to call n text my girl..n guess wat..finally she pick up the call bt she sound so pissed coz she was slpin n i wake her up..i was like..ok fine.watever.. n i jus hang up..she did call bac bt i din pick it up..i mean..dude,i texted u like 5-6 hours ago..n u din reply..tats y i keep on text n call so tat at least u say somthin to me..nw u blame me for tat??==...haizz..dunno..stunned..confuse..moody..down..bored..all come 2gether..stress~!!!!preassure~!!!argghhh~~~~

2010-07-18T01:02:00.000-07:00

yesterday i went to bon odori wif my students n their frens..well,it was a great night..i mean its the 1st time ever i go there since i wanted to long time ago..well,hv to say sorry to wai jian coz i drive kinda slow..bt i enjoyed the time over there...then after tat,i meet up wif lee shen 2gether wif one of my student n her bf..we went to maison after that..its oso the 1st time i went to maison..not bad ma~~jus bit crowded yesterday coz got event~~at 1st,we got 8 ppl,onli 4 of us r allowed to go in,plus my student's bf..coz he's onli 17..then..out of a sudden..all of us can go in..coz he call his father n talk..i was like..O.o..my god..so geng da??okie~~then we started our wild night..it was bit rush coz we went it at 1..so we hv to quickly finish our drink b4 3..well,i din really drink coz the 1st mouth..i oreadi feel my stomach very uncomfortable..guess it still hvnt recover after all..nvm la..when it ends..lee shen n my student was totally drunk..i hv to drive n joey hv to look after his gf who keeps on talkin in the whole journey when we goin bac~~XD...well,after sendin the couple bac..i drive lee shen to steven corner so tat he can rest awhile b4 he drive bac..tat time sittin alone quietly at mamak..think bac the whole night..it was fun..enjoyable..excitin..n i was thinkin..it'll b perfect..if u were bside me carmen..well,its ok since nw u'r hvin ur spm exam tis year n u hv to study..nvm..next year we can go 2gether~~~^^..n i texted u say tat i missed u...ask u to call or msg me in the morning..it was 5 somthin 6 when i reach home..i quickly wash up n slp..im still thinkin of wat happen the whole night...how fun of it n hopin in the mornin when i wake up..u'll at least text me n wish me gd mornin..it was around 1 in the afternoon when i wake up..i was so so tired tat i wanna continue slp..bt my stomach was grawlin..so i hv no choice bt to wake up n stuff somthin in..i took my hp n see..yea..ppl say when u hv expectation on somthin important..in the end of the day..for sure u will dissapointed..guess u guys noe wat im gonna say..she din even reply..text or call..its been 2 days..no..should say after she got my money..she disappear again..well,i was thinkin ntg de la..mayb her hp no credit again..so i went down to eat n on my netbook..i was chattin wif my fren in fb n msn n suddenly..i saw..yes!!her fren tagged her in a photo when she n her fren went to bon odori yesterday night!!!tat time..i was so fuckin pissed bt i was to hold down myself..u noe when u r so damn pissed bt u cant let it out..argghh~!!my body was shiverin!!!!not coz of scared bt anger!!!i texted her n ask her wat is tat..yea..she din reply again..fuckin jibai!!u toldme tat u cant go to bon odori coz ur mum dun let..u told me u cant sms..u told me tis u tols me tat..yea,even tho i cant meet u up or stay bside u...i choose to trust u..bt wat happen..everytim..my trust torwards other will bein taken n jus throw it on the floor n keep steppin on it!!ever since the day u took my money n din reply my msg or call..dunno y i suddenly hv a mind of y everytim when u nid me onli u'll find me??wat am i??ur bank or wat??jibai..pui!!lan jiao..fuckin bitch..each one of u r the same~~3..no..is 4~!!even jasmine..pretend to b so loyal..pui~~~all of u..disgusted me wif ur naive..fuck off dude..jus fuck off..from nw on..each cent..all money tat i earn so hard will onli spend by me..save by me..keep by me..use by me~!!!i swear i will not give,spend nor use even half a cent on any1~!!!!especially on gf!!fuck off!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-07-13T07:58:00.000-07:00

well...havin a happy life lately~~i mean..life's in the mid rate to me nw~~no sadness..ntg special than tat..bt..to me..im oreadi so satisfied of it~~~rather than hvin those supered life~~or down deep emo~~normal to me is still the best choice..bt..i jus hope every1 i noe were happy..include u..hmm..ohya n jasmine..i noe tat u cant read my blog coz u dunno tat i hv 1 bt..plz jus 4get bout me...plz..wat u'r doin is makin both of us sufferin 2gether...n u noe tat there will b no endin wif it..so..plz jus let me go will ya~??^^..man,i sound so bad right??bt nvm..who cares..as long as im tryin to reduce every unneccesary pain n tats it..^^

2010-07-11T08:31:00.000-07:00

hmm~~after the whole month time..finally..2day is the final for FIFA world cup..well,nertherland..dun lose a~~~~><...yesterday i went out wif my formal student,pow pow n stupid girl yan ling..actually out of so many students i hv...these 2 can counted as 1 of my favourite..well,not coz of they got a very good result bt is coz their story bhind their life..2 interstin teen..hmm..i hv a lot of fun wif them yesterday..bt din take any pics~~haizz...nvm nvm..still got next time de~~^^...lets hope next outin will b greater~~~n..lately..after hvin timeout wif my girl...things can say to b change better..i mean..we talk more..communicate more than b4...well,can it b say as a good thing??dunno..to me...jus like wat she say..tis is a period tat for us to understnad each other more b4 we really start off he journey 2gether..so...lets us pray tat everythin will b fine~~~dunno la..aiyaya..confuse a...tirin period bt not bad lately...im oreadi satisfied of tis...thankyou god...thankyou mun,thankyou my frens..n thankyou,kenn~~~^^

2010-07-03T10:37:00.000-07:00

finally after holdin on so long..i fall...well,can say i've been waitin for tis fall so long..all these days,i tot i am a superman...i wont sick or weaken anymor..i can pass thro everythin wif no worries..no confusion..yet..tis morning when i wake up..i guess i was wrong...cold winds blow thru my bones n my body temperature was risin n fall..it was so sufferin n i smsed u to hope tat..mayb u can at least comfort me or somthin even tho u cant really use ur hp..i guess..bt til night..ntg..i called n u finally picked up..u was slpin,n u sound angry coz i wake u up..dude,cant u at least wish me gdnite or somthin??i oreadi told u tat i'll b callin u 2nite,its not tat i din inform..bt yet..tis call breaks my heart...nw..body is so damn fuckin weak n i hv to wear a sweater,long pants n socks plus my blanket to slp..so cold..i gav up ok..i tot we might b better if i jus hold on a little bit longer bt in the end,i guess..btwn both of us,if jus 1 side keep on pushin,another din even try n jus like tat..it still wont work it either way..i gav up...yes,i mean it tis time..watever u wan..its ur choice..i dun bother u anymor..my body cant take all tis anymor n nid a time out...hope u'll b happy,carmen...

2010-06-30T09:30:00.000-07:00

jus nw i suddenly feel lke steppin into my 1st gf's blog n see..well,she open another neew blog..inside there she uses a fake name..bt another name in it kept me wonder..i dunno y..mayb out of curious or jus..dunno la..hmm..i smsed her n ask n she din reply..hmm~anyway..dun care her 1st..her new blog,touched me..not much,not little..bt jus~at the right spot..n tat feelin..my god i tell u,its like somthin attractin u,n when u wanna get close,it goes away..when u giv up,it come bac again~~annoyin yet attractin..touchin..it recalls alot of my memories ever since i get along wif her til my 2nd gf..tell u the truth..lets see..i hv around like 4-5 gf bf..bt..among those..these 2 girls r the ones which affect me alot~!!!my 1st gf's name was melanie..she's a cute girl n my primary sclmates..we met bac each other in form 2 as we'r in the same class..at 1st,we dun really talk..slowly i cant really remember y..we started to talk alot..n slowly n slowly,i fell in love wif her..she's simple,cute,nice,ammature~~XP bt yet when all tis combine 2gether,it doesnt make her look childish,she has her own way of solvin things..n tats wat attracts me..bt after 3 months,we broke up..mayb yes mayb not bt her close fren told me it was coz of one of my best fren n yea..we argue bout it for quite som tim..i mean me n my fren..bt in the end,ntg happen btwn us~~^^..nw my 2nd gf..tis girl..wao..it was a fantasy i told u..coz i..i myself never ever blive tat i hv a chance to b wif such beautiful girl~!!bt in the end as well,all i hv is jus another fantasy given by God..well,we met each other in form 3..actually b4 tis,when in form 1,we study in the same class b4 for like half a year then she switch to another class as the scl department make bit adjustment so we met bac each other in form 3..well,tat year i still remember..i cried alot..for my 1st gf..i was so sad like for 4 months...no..more than tat..even after i get wif my 2nd gf..yea,i noe i noe..im bad im a jerk blablabla..hey,u cant blame me~~its not so easy to let it go when u'r seriously into somthin n plus,i am seriously into u~~~==..ok,fine..cont wif my 2nd gf..well,in tat year,i was chosen to b the class monitor..or i should say tats the year the ''class monitor'' curse started to hunt me..coz til nw,im still holdin the position.yea,even til college..==..well,anyway..i cant really concentrate on my duty as im still holdin on my 1st gf..so i was kinda moody the whole period in scl..til 1 day..i saw my 2nd gf,she was sittin at the bac door of the scl alone..when i walk near her,i heard tat she was cryin..tat time,i dunno wat to do n the 1st thing in my mind is,give her a hug n tell her everythin will b fine..bt i reconsider..if i jus go n hug her,for ure i'll get a heavy slap..so end up..i jus sit bside her..n say its ok,ntg cant b solve n blablabla..yea..tats the moment we started to chat..tat time,she was still bein wif her ex,which nw is her bf again~==..bt they keep on arguein..n im the 1 who's keep comfort her everytim they argue n say its ok,coz he cares bout u n stuff..n at the same time,she comfort me as well whenever i think of my 1st gf n sobs in scl..yea,kinda embarrassed..then..slowly..yea..we fell in love again~~wif her...i been thro alot of stuff..i did alot of stuff tat i never think tat i'll do in my life..alot of sacrifies,bravery,experiences n alot of 1st timer..well,could say tat its a whole fantasy journey wif her..both of us jus like the main characters in a love story..our love story is so dramatic..even frens around us were sayin tat..yea..they tot tat we wont b so easy to break off from the chain,bt yet..its jus a tip of a hand..she got bac wif her ex again..n it was til i found it out..then onli she break wif me..at 1st,i seriously hate her alot u noe..i even thinkin of jus do somthin stupid,yea..wat a ammature..bt..in the end,slowly..as i started to realise alot of stuf..i let her go..jus..like tat..even til i wasnt realisin it..yea..amazing..n nw..im her consultant in love again..==haha..bt tis time,i wont fall in love wif her..coz i think she found her mr.right..^^..wish her luck..well,one down,one to go..n u,ms melanie..haizz..u'r the trouble 1..u told me b4..no matter wat happen,u wont accept me bac..u wont fall in love wif me again..yea yea yea..i noe wat i did b4 were way to serious n unforgivenable..bt..haizz..complicated to tell u..jus tat..im really sorry bout those..i noe 1 word wont heal the pain bt..sorry..really...i dunno wat should b spoken,coz whenever i missed u,i'll think of u n my best fren..jus..arggh..the feelin was so complicated..u said tat i was a playboy nw..desperate for girls..bt u dunno tat actually im not..im jus...tryin to find somthin in tis world..somthin we call it ''true love''..since i was young...i dun really got family love as i was the 2nd son,which normally ppl dun really love them,they onli concern for the 1st n the last..n i was oways bein bullied by others..as i grow older..i learn to protect myself..bt yet,inside the sheild,its empty..ntgs in there..the 1st love i had was a failure coz of my temper,the 2nd,same..nw..finally i get to control it more n more..n im gettin better in it..bt,when i look bac..i saw tat everythin b4 tis...i missed it..i missed it all~~its jus too late..no matter wat i do..its jus too late..bt i oways pray to god..god,give me a chance to return to the past n do it right again..well,we all noe tat its impossible..nw,i dun wanna go bac..i wanna start it again~haizz..bt i dun think i hv the chance lo..actually..u all dun understand me..im jus a simple boy..even tho i might look tough from the outside bt inside is as soft as a feather..try to get into my life n slowly u'll understand me..unfortunately,no1 wanna take the risk of it..all jus gave up b4 tryin..haizz..no choice la..mayb it doesnt seem worth it anyway..hmm..im still waitin..waitin for the chance..n waitin for u..i might look flowery bt im real inside my heart..jus tat im still waitin for u to open it up..uncover the mystery,n discover the truth of it..

2010-06-30T01:35:00.000-07:00

hmm...omost 1 month lo...haizz..pbt still the same.no matter wat kind of ways i try..still the same..she still dun reply me msg..dun call n stuff..sometims it makes me wonder..wat am i to her~~is she playin a fool wif me..or she is really tat busy..??bt..its the 1st 3 months for us,y feel like ntg de??once ppl say,if u got a cigarette on ur hand,a girl n a life with u,tats heaven..well,i got a cigaratte,in fact..i smoke alot..bt a nice life..??nah..i work damn hard for it..girl~~yea,i got 2..1 in japan..1 over here..japan..if she really is serious,still too far~~no use..over here tis 1..yea..so damn near to me..bt so wat..??jus feel like strangers btwn us..haizz..still livin in hell then...god..wat happen oh..y like tis de??i seriously tryin so hard for everythin nw..i really wan everythin around me work it out..bt y im seein like i screwed everythin?!!!arghh..i jus so pissed of myself..y cant i get a better life..i oways wander wat kind of life i had in my past life..izzit coz i did too many wrong thing..in tis life..i feel like im jus keep on payin bac to every1..jus like i owe them alot~!!!haizz...sien a..so damn bored of my life..who can save me from tis hell~~~plz~~~~~

2010-06-24T10:52:00.000-07:00

hmm...b wif u oways 2weeks time baby~~yea..how fast the time past..we noe each other since primary scl..bt after 6 years time..we grow til we dun even recognize each other..at 1st when i noe tat,i was so surprise n excited..bt..seems like i still cant run away from tat curse of urs..no matter wat i tell u,there will oways ntg reply~~no matter how many times i call,u wont pick up or u'll jus hang up my call..its the 1st time ever in my life tat i hv such wide endurance towards som1..n yet..no matter how many times i told u dun try to test on my endurance..u wont take it in..it makin me so dissapointed tat i started to giv up on u...its not tat i dun love u anymor..bt im gettin so damn tired of oways hvin a hope on u n yet u keep on crushin it 1 by 1..not once..not twice..bt everytim...there's no tears from me to u...bt a damn cool heart..dun blame me babe..im sick enuf of all these..im so sry to say..i gav up..jus do watever u wan..til u realize me,i wont find u anymor...im so broken again..n tis time,is u~~~

2010-06-20T08:27:00.000-07:00

2day is fathers' day..n a special day as well,carmen's b'day..bt..its oso another day which she dun pick up my calls n dun reply my msgs..it got worst when its her b'day n i cant scold or do anythin~!!!wasai..kanasai..wat the fuck is so hard bout takin up ur fuckin hp n jus press those buttons hah??jibai..r u playin a fool wif me or wat..wat the fuck u wan~!!!do u noe tat every single ppl has its own limitation n u~!!!r fuckin overed my own limitation!!!!!!!!if its not coz im fuckin controlin my own temper..u,oreadi got shot by me..arrggghh~~!!!i seriously fuckin angry of u,girl..wat the fuck u really wan~??!!!!!wat is it so different bwtn u n me than others couples???u dun like sms??how bout calls??dude..u dun even hv to do anythin bt jus pick it up n listen n talk..wat is it so hard or lazy bout??!!!!!!n u oreadi screw our date 4 times!!!!is 4 times!!!!!i duno whther u r really tat busy or wat..bt fuck u,if u let me find out tat u'r fuckin playin wif me...u'll noe wat happens to u...god,curse u to hell girl~!!!stay serious n do tat when ppl is serious to u~!!!!arggghhh~~~nw im fuckin mad n nuts n i startin to crap~~i dun even noe wat am i fuckin talkin bout~!!!!!!FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!ARRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2010-06-11T11:50:00.000-07:00

电话没钱了?是因为我的样子不够帅，所以不想我了？为什么一整天都没有你的消息？没有听到你声音的一天，让我整个情绪都低落了，我想告诉你，我真的很想你。奴隶的让你没一天更加的爱我，希望每一天都能听到你的声音，陪伴着你，但是到头来，也只能带着失落的心情度过漫长的夜晚。想和你分享每一个喜怒哀乐，但换取的却也只是等待和失落。也许是我不够帅，也许是我不够好，但我想给你的却是百分百的美好。坏脾气的我，有时真的等得很不耐烦，但是为了不让你懊恼，也只能忍耐。不想让你难过落泪，也避免和你争吵，心想只要你回我，就是幸福。我的心你又看懂吗？我的爱你有感受到吗？我希望的，也只是能好好的爱你，所以请你不要再把我给推开，让我住进你的心里，可以吗？？

2010-06-05T11:43:00.000-07:00

hmm...im bac~~~^^...2day is a public holiday...well,i cancel my tuition class n went out wif my family to tanjung sepat~~!!!nice place..fresh seafood...nice seaside~~~owh i love my day~~~^^v..well,2day carmen went to pd wif her family for 2 days trip..hmm..miss her so much nw..even tho we din really meet b4..bt..im so confuse..i dunno wat to do..i wanted to love her more..bt i cant..im scare..wat if..same thing happens to me like in the ''jasmine'' case..haizz..god..next tuesday we'r goin out..for the 1st time~!!!!!!!!!!!!so plz..god..plz bless me..i really hope to get som1 to love~~~~plz~~~~~~~~~><

2010-05-25T08:12:00.000-07:00

haizz..fuckin jibai du9lan~!!!!!!!!!argghh..lately my life is drivin me crazy man..remember the japanese girl...fuck..she uploads som of her pics lately..n guess wat..every single pic oso dun look the same de..wat the fuck..even make ups dun make u totally change into another person right.??!!!haizz...oso dunno she's fake or real de..haizz~sien oreadi..then nw change target on a girl name carmen mun mun..her name is omost alike wif my ex jasmine..gosh..well..ok la bt 1 thing pissed me off bout her is..i msg her..she jus reply me 2 3 words..n..somtims i hv to wait the whole day jus to get her reply or somtims she dun even reply..==walao..i really dunno whther she likes me anot lo~~~pengsan man~~!!!kanasai liao..du9lan~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-05-21T23:19:00.000-07:00

hmm...saturday..wat a boring day man~~~~well,yesterday i wentfor a movie ''a nightmare at the elm street'' wif my frens..it wasnt really tat scary,bt my frens was all freaked out by it~~XP..especially cheryl..we cheated her n told her tat we'r goin to watch shrek..haha..well,even tho it wasnt tat scary..bt dunno y,after tat movie..i suddenly feel so damn depressed..som words jus keep appear in my mind..lies..all kinds of lies...startin form the day we were all born,we thought tat tis world will b so perfect,so beautiful..bt all of these r lies...slowly as we grow..we happen to b stuck in all kinds of lies,parent lies to us in order for us to stay good,we lie to parent jus for them not to worry bout us,frens lie among frens jus to take advantages from them..lovers lie to each other jus to make them feel safe wif them..workers lies to their bosses so tat they can keep their job..bosses lie to their workers jus to increase their profit..customers lie to the owner jus to gain more discount,owner lie to customers jus to earn more..government lie to their ppl jus to make sure tat they'r loyal to them..ppl lie to their government jus to stay out of trouble..lies..lies lies..everywhere..i still remember tat i wrote bout an essay b4 bout humans real identity..a true face bhind the mask..all of us r wearin a mask..mayb we'll wonder,when can we take off the mask n live..the answer is no,never...is a fact tat lies,is the onli way for us to survive..if we dun,we'r goin to b estimate by tis world..bt where's the truth..??there's no truth in tis world..a proverb said..there's no right nor wrong in tis world..the onli thing is how u manage it..wat is wrong mayb right to others,n vice versa..tats y..the onli thing we can to is keep on lyin..in order to survive,we hv to n its a mus...bt..where's the world tat we oways dream of...the beautiful,peaceful world..will there b any of tis..??do we really hv to lie til the day we die..??i oways wonder...wats the reason i live in tis world..for a long period i search for the answer..the onli solution i got for it is...we hv no reason to survive..we jus hv to..for others,for urself..for the answer we'r searchin for...if we die,we'll never noe the answer..bt as long as we stay alive,we still hv a hope..a hope to find the solution u oways dream of..a hope to take a peep in the wonderful world u oways dream of..a hope..for the future~~~

2010-05-20T09:30:00.000-07:00

wow..2day is a day tat was full or surprises~~~i mean.. at 1st..i dun really wanna go to scl tis morning coz i was so damn tired..bt end up,i get up,wash up n prepare everythin n jus go to scl...well,when reach scl..istart to do my account homework which i din do it~XP..then my fren dennis starts to tell me bout there's 1 japanese girl he jus met on fb yesterday..she's cute n stuff..so i on my netbook n search for her in fb..well,eventually i added her..in the afternoon,she on9 n accepted me..so we started to chat..n surprisingly..she accepted me as her bf~~O.O..yea..i was stun..til nw~!!!i mean..i dun really noe whether she's serious bout it or not or she's jus a faker in the net u noe..bt..well,no matter wat..its kinda fun over it..i mean..if its true..then it'll b nice if a ihv a japanese gf n i'll for sure go visit japan if i got the money~~^^..well,then..in msn another pretty girl chat wif me..well,we added each other in fb bt din chat b4..so we started to chat 2day n things goes on quite well..my god..wats wrong wif my luck 2day..even tho it surprise me alot..bt it freaks me out bit..is tis an early sign to tell me tat a big disaster is comin or wat..???XS..pray to god..jus let all tis b real~~amen~~

2010-05-18T09:21:00.000-07:00

2day i went out wif nat..hmm..i dunno..mayb its a great day i guess..coz..finally..i get to noe somthin..somthin tat has been confusin me all around...n the ansswer tat i was findin all along..well..gettin to noe the answer was bit sufferin..bt at least..in the end..i was relieve...finally...2day coz both of us got ntg to do..so we decided to go out n hv lunch at pizza hut wif her mum 1st..well,i was payin for tat..then we went to midvally..she said she wanted to buy som books n somthin for him..so we kinda hang around..n after she bought wat she wanted..my stomach was starving so we went to sushi king..tats the time i finally got the answer..at 1st..we was chattin bout somthin..then finally i braved up myself n ask..n thro tat question..she said..when both of us been together..she din even try to 4get bout him..she never wanted to..n tat time..i noe..she found the 1 she wan..b4 tis..i tot i was the special 1 for her..bt end up..im jus a replacement tool tat helps her to jus temporary 4get bout him..well..in the end i doesnt really work tat well n yeap they got 2gether..hmm..at 1st.i suffer 4 awhile..i admit..i was kinda shock n sad plus heart broken at tat very moment..bt it jus lasted 4 awhile..guess i should oreadi guess it out when we both get 2gether..its jus tat im jus tryin my best to cheat myself tat she oreadi 4got bout him n she love me..jus me..hmm..tis secret..tis pain..it has been sufferin me so so much..finally..i could let it go...finally...n at tis very same day..finally jasmine gav up on me as well..well..another pain ended..hmm..bt still..i hv to say sorry to all of u who i hurt b4..im so so so deeply sorry bout it..especially u,ying..the girl i love so much wif my heart..i hurt u in many ways b4..im so sorry..i let ur tears drop..i sorry i let u bleed..im sorry tat i cant do it right when helpin u to recover form the pain..but im glad ta nw u finally got wat u wanted...n u jasmine..im sorry coz i hurt u..we shouldnt even started a relationship..it was totally a mistake..i admit it was all my fault so..sorry...bt dun worry..the memories of me in ur mind will jus last for awhile..slowly i'll not exist in ur mind anymor...its the destiny tat both of us cant b 2gether no matter how hard we try girl..trust me..i cant n i wont plus i dun love u...im sorry to say tat..lovin me will jus get u wounded everywhere in the end...let it go while u still can n tats the best choice...well..good thing is every single question,confusions,problems n answers i got it 2day..the bad thing is..u noe when som1 is so so tired numb 4 so long..guess when they lost the reason of tat..the same time..it might b a good news to me..bt i lost the faith tat i oways hv in me as well..guess..im not tat special to any1..im jus me..the tiny little me..

2010-05-17T08:41:00.001-07:00

hmm..tot it'll b a fine day..well..at 1st i tot i was..bt unfortunately it starts to turn bad since afternoon..well,i cant really blame her anyway..2day i was goin to hv my econ presentation at 3..so i bath n prepare myself at 1..at 2,im waitin for the bus to come n get to lrt station...i look at the time n i noe it's comin soon..then,my hp ring..a msg from jasmine..she wish me luck n said 2day she wont come to my college n stuff..then when i finish readin the msg n look up..the bus jus left in front of my eyes..i was liek wat the fuck..argghh~~!!!!!!!!once rapidkl is gone..u hv to wait like half an hour onli they'll hv another bus..somtims it'll b like 1 hour..i got so pissed n startin to think cant she jus leave me alone~!!!!!im sick wif her..we'r imppossible to get bac together again~!!!!then my mum fetch me to the station..well..tat stupid lrt..in the middle of the journey..it stopped for like 10mins..omg..i was bout to b late for my class..once i got down..i rush to the class..i was wearin so damn formal 2day..n guess wat..when i reach class..i was so fuckin sweaty..fine..at least class is air-conditioned..so finally finished my presentation..well..tis month i over used my money..so i got no money left 2day...hv no choice bt to take bus after scl..bt..the sky starts to rain~~argghh...it was so fuckin hot the whole day..u can rain anytim u wan..y mus rain when i finish my scl n wanna go home~!!!!!nvm,i walk under the rain..light up a cigarette..feel tat 2day wasnt tat smooth at all..hopin it end up good at night..but guess wat..it took me 1 hour plus to reach bac..==i was so damn tired n hungry...after we hv dinner..we go home..i on9 n on my fb..then suddenly my best fren's girl msg me..she say my best fren got nuts again coz she went out wif her ex 2day..then i was like y u wanna do tis since u noe he's goin to get angry..girls oways do stuff even they noe their partner will got angry in the end..then she suddenly ask bout my another best fren..then i felt not right about it..i starts sayin stuff like dun do somthin wrong n bla bla bla..in the end..she n my BEST FREN r actually makin fun of me..haha..so funny..==...i got so pissed..no..i wasnt even pissed..i was so fuckin tired..tired of those stupid games..tired of my life routine..tired of hvin the guilty feelin in my heart coz i hurt som1..tired of everythin..i jus nid som1..som relax..i jus wish to go away..i've b so so nice to every1..end up..each 1 of u jus noe how to take advantages from me..well..tis is how the world works..if there's somthin free..u not onli take it..but take it as much as u can since its free..n tats y..being good in tis world nw will oways got somthin negative in the end..jus like me..when got a potential job n 1st person i tot of was my best fren coz he nid money badly..jus dowan he n her gf argue again..i was bein so nice of carin them..yea right..these is all i got..best fren..??!!i dun nid 1..i dun nid any1 in my life..jus leave me alone u sons of bitches...go to hell~~i curse u all fuckers~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-05-13T07:38:00.000-07:00

hmm..finally..i think yes..i giv up...girl..i dowanna hurt u no more..jus let me go ok..??i noe i've been such a jerk to treat u like tis...but i jus cant cont anymor wif u..sorry...after all..no matter wat u say...u'll still onli b a passerby in my life..at 1st..i tot mayb..there's somthin missin wif u..i try my best to hink..but nw i finally found out tat..the problem wasnt on u..it was me...i was the problem..im oways the problem...even startin from my 1st relationship..im oways the problem to every1..u said u can melt down my heart n b my angel..no offence but im very very sure tat u cant...not to say tat i dun let u try or wat..bt i noe..i noe wat kind of person n attitude u hv..there's 0 percentage tat u can do it..trust me..if u cont..i think it'll jus properly make it even more worst...jus let me go girl...u'r not the one..i mean im not the one which is good enuf for u..u'r such a good n nice girl n i dowanna hurt u no matter in wat ways...i've try to reduce those pain tat i caused to u..so jus plz..let go b4 it hurts even more...im not good enuf for u..jus aint good enuf...im a jerk..a totally jerk...i noe..once i annouce im single again...i'll receive all kinds of comments..but i dun care..i hv no choice but to ask u to leave..i dun wanna hurt any1 anymor in my life..nw i noe..hurtin som1 is worst than bein hurt..the feelin of guilt...is so so so strong til u cant breath..n til u'r insane to jus think of a way to get rid of it..i used to say..hvin an empty vessel is so awful...but nw i understand tat livin wif a numb heart is even worst than empty..if u'r empty..wats wif u is jus ntg at all..but once u'r numb..u cant love anymor..n wif tat..every1 who u would wanna care bout will jus got hurt by u....it'll take a very very long time til i break my own way out from tat darkness..but til then..jasmine..im really really sorry...mayb its jus a word tat is not enuf to cover up the pain i got for u..but i can say..at least tis word is a word tat i really mean it when i say it to u...sorry...

2010-05-10T09:41:00.000-07:00

hmm..any1 who come n drop a comment in my blog..plz tell me who u r~~thanks...haizz...jasmine...i dunno wat to say n wats wrong wif me...so..im here to say sorry..its not ur fault actually..mayb pplwho r readin my blog nw r thinkin tat actually im another jerk who lives in tis world..yea..i admit it tat nw im startin to change into 1...i mean..is not tat im playin u girl...jus tat..out of a sudden...i felt tat my heart had oreadi numb..i hv no other feelings u noe...gosh..i wish som1 could cure me..but..sorry to say tat..mine,i'll still treat u like how a good bf should treat his gf..i wont betraye u but...im sorry...tats all i can say...mayb..tat curse of myself startin to work nw..i curse myself in front of her b4 tat no1 else will get my true love again~~oh shit..mayb it starts to work...but dun worry..u'll still enjoy the love tat u should had..^^..im a jerk n im a jerk~~yay~~~~

2010-05-08T22:57:00.000-07:00

hmm..these few days my life was not tat bad at all..well,i admit tat coz my life is light up by her..n yesterday we went to MV to catch a movie..n after tat i drive her bac..b4 she left..we kissed..but..coz of tat kiss..suddenly my mind pop out a question..y is there..an emptiness appear...i asked myself..y..out of a sudden..i feel tat she's jus a passerby..i mean..my feelings told me to stop puttin in...haizz...well...coz of tat...til nw..im still confusin...haizz...mayb..im jus din really recover from where i fall...mayb all these r jus appearance which oreadi fool me away...but in actual..theres ntg else but empty...jasmine..i noe u wont hv a chance to take a look in my blog..n...wat im gonna say is..im sorry if in the future i hurt u or somthin..but..im so sorry...mayb tats wat i hv in my life...sorry....

2010-05-05T10:40:00.000-07:00

hmm..it has been days ever since we got 2gether,jasmine...well..we noe each other quite well nw..it feels very nice n sweet wif u..even tho somtims u bullied me alot..XS but..im feelin thankful n grateful tat got bless me to hv u wif me..muax..i love u,dear...hopefully we could get along 2gether nice n sweet~~friday n saturday we'r goin out again~~yay~~^^v

2010-04-30T08:37:00.000-07:00

YES~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FINALLY I DID IT~~~~!!!!i got as gf~~~i love u so much jasmine..over here dun hv ur scl spies le gua..hehe..but u oso dunno my blog jek..hehe..nvm..im so so so so happy 2day..at 1st i was so damn nervour in the morning coz its our 1st time to meet..early in the morning i oreadi wake up to wash up n start stylin my hair coz i wanna look nice the whole day..so alot of wax was on my hair 2day...then..after scl n i had my lunch..i rush to mv jus to buy the ticket..but unfortunately i cant buy the ticket for ice kacang puppy love coz no more ticket..so we change into watchin when in rome..wella love story..suits us..but u say u dun wanna watch it coz u never heard of tat movie b4..butin the end..u agreed to watch it coz i oreadi bought the ticket..then i started to rush to ur scl coz hopin to giv u a surprise..who noes after i waited..n u sms me sayin tat u oreadi at mv..n i rush to mv again~~haizz...finally we meet up n started to wake to the cinema..well..as i saw form ur pic..u look normal..not tat pretty..not tat cute oreadi special..XP..but slowly..every single little movement of u started to attract me like a magnet..the way u talk..so..nice n cute to me..of all the sudden..i tell myself in the heart..man,u gonna get her 2day n is a mus~!!!!so while we'r watchin movie..i type 2 msg to u n tell u how i feel bout u..n when til the half of the movie..i ask u to b my gf..n started to hold ur hands..ur hands r like so soft..so nice..well..u'r so nervous til ur hands r sweaty but still..i like it..i really do..after the movie..we kinda walk around..chat..n get to noe each other even more..hmm..2day is a great day n 2moro im goin for a family trip to penang..im so sorry tat i cant really accompany u but i promise in the future i'll try my best to do it n..to b the beszt bf u ever had~~^^..i love u,jasmine..

2010-04-29T08:48:00.000-07:00

oh my god~~2moro is the big day~~2moro we'r goin to meet up each other la..arrgghh~~~im so so so nervous le~~~how how how..???argghhh...haizz...1st thing..nid to slp early 2night so tat 2moro can wake up early without hvin panda eyes n got enuf time for me to make a very handsom hair style~~^^...hmm...jasmine,u really look very nice n pretty to me la..i mean..well,u may b look very very normal..not very pretty or super fair skin or wat but u hv a beautiful heart tat is much much more better than all those out looks winners~~they'r jus som bitches who thinks tat they look nice n can go around flirt wif guys..they disgusted me..so dun worry..u'r the best~~XD..gosh..blass me god...dun jus bless me..blass me off to the heaven n guide me 2moro..

2010-04-28T09:26:00.000-07:00

OMG~!!!!!ARRGGHHH..tis friday we'r goin out a~~~~die lo die lo~~~~!!!so nervous la..i jus cut my hair...look so messy..n..n..arrgghh..so nervous le..hmm...at 1st we plan to go out n catch a movie on tis comin saturday..but i got too excited til i totally 4gotten tat im goin for a trip to pinang wif my family..n yea..we hv to cancel it n i felt so bad coz its our 1st outin n i hv to dissapoint her..but jus we plan again to watch movie at tis friday b4 i go to pinang~!!!wow~~!!!!my god..im so nervous le~~~!!!!i scare later if she see im not handsom enuf..then start to avoid me n stuff then i jia lat lo~!!!!!haizz..so so so so nervous....nid HELP~~!!!ERGEN!!!!!

2010-04-27T19:24:00.000-07:00

hmm..after my b'day..by a b'day wish from u to me..we started to chat in fb..n slowly..we sms-ed each others...im not sure yet whether u'r can b the 1 tat light up my whole life again but u noe wat..i think u caught my heart..as u say..im the stupid butterfly n u'r the crazy butterfly catcher~both of us still dunno each other well..but i really hope to noe u more..ur appearance really startin to coloured my life..but nw all i can do is wait..i dun wish to b very aggresive n scares u away..i really hope to try it out wif u...the feelin when we both chat..it makes me very comfortable yet nervous..this kind of feelin had longed gone in my life..its great to get it bac..its nice to b accompanied..n sms or chat til u slp at night..n when u'r awake..its coz u missed som1 n it feels so so sweet...even tho all tis r so nice..but in another way..im scared..im not sure wat scares me..is it my past..??or...im so afraid tat all these things seems to b so nice but in the real..it turns out to b jus imaginations...fantasies..none of these r real...im afraid..but..still it doesnt stop me from gettin closer to u..no matter wat,i told myself it'll b jus another experience of life...take it slowly kenn...tats how u protect urself even if its jus a fake...take lessons form ur past..learn not to put it all into it..u can do it..all u nid is jus practice n stay calm....hmm...i hope i really could do it n jasmine..plz...i prayed tat u'r not another hunter who's jus tryin to hunt me down like an animal n throw it away after im useless to u...

2010-04-26T13:55:00.000-07:00

2day..2 of my best frens come to my house..b4 tat,we went to taipei walker to borrow their wifi to play dota 2gether wif our new bought laptop n netbooks..^^well..unfortunately,the wifi connection over there aren't really stable so after return to my home..we play again~~><..nw its like 5am..we still hvn't slp yet..but..mom~~i dah tak boleh tahan dah~~~i have to slp oreadi~~dun care bout them la..damn slpy~~^^wat a nice day..finally i get to chat wif a girl tat i think i've started to like her~~^^hope tis will go on smoothly n..i really wish tat we can hav a nice story endin~~~i like u,jasmine~~^^

2010-04-23T10:49:00.000-07:00

hmm..dunno y..suddenly hv a feelin tat aafter all wat i been thro..it is time for me to grow again..i mean my mind la..not my body..duh~~but..hmm..yea..even tho i noe its hard but i'll try..i promise to myself tat i'll try my best...to b the BEST~!!!haha..go jie hao go~!!!!!

2010-04-22T11:05:00.000-07:00

hmm..jus come from the celebration of my 19th b'day wif my frens..hu~~tired man..but..2day..well..not to say tat im not happy bout it..i am..seriously..but..the surprise they gav..reminds me of my form 5 b'day..hmm..i duno y..i mean..even tho i noe they plan bout it n im really surprise n happy..but..there's still somthin in my heart..somthin tat i dunno how to tell..smthin...mayb..tis b'day without u is different..mayb its oreadi like 4 years i had my b'day wif u but tis year u din even greet..hmm..mayb..there is somthin missin in me..u..

2010-04-21T07:00:00.000-07:00

haizz...still left 2 hours to go til my b'day~yea..b4 tis i used to b very happy n excited for my b'day~ya..used to b..hmm..4 years ago~~i still remember on my 15th b'day..i got a very special b'day present..on tat present,it says ''2gether''..my 16th b'day...i got ur 1st hand made cake..on my 17th b'day..it was the greatest b'day i ever had...tats the time when i feel..finally..im so so so so touched by u n i put down all my precaution towards u..n tat time..i really think tat u r the 1..the 1 tat im searchin for in my life..my soul partner..18th b'day..even tot there's bit of an arguement b4 tat but still,im happy of wat u had for me...a very ''special'' card..but..19th b'day..im alone..bringin 2gether wif all the sadness n loneliness..ntg's left on me bsides than scars n wounds...confusions...all runnin in my mind without pause..n u..left me question tat i'll never get the answer..u got my heart b4..the whole of it..but u smashed it..smashed it on the floor..step on it..burn it..tear it..do everythin jus to hurt it til its dead...wat had i done wrong..nw..i noe wat..its not me..but my faith..its meant to b tat im kind of a technician..jus the 1 who repair u..fixed u when u'r broken down..when u'r healed..tats the time u'll leave..n din look bac..n im useless nw..no1...no one..nw all i've left is memories...memories tat i've locked up n kept inside..without u..these memories arent sweet anymor..tears r fallin..heart had broken..wat i had..is an empty vessel~

2010-04-18T00:13:00.000-07:00

bitch~!!!fuckin slut~!!!!!!!!niama cao hai..fuckin jb dulan..she played me..dumped me..n nw wat..?try to flirt my bro..??yea..even tho me n my bro arent really tat close but wat the fuck..??wat kind of trouble n disasters tat u still wanna brin to my family hah..??one oreadi bein hurt by u isnt good enuf izzit..??niama...fuck off la..fuck off from my world bitch..i hate see ur face nw i hate to see u get close to any1 or anythin tat r around me...u'r a trouble..a nail in my eyes!!!jb...i hate u for everythin u did b4...nw is not the words of mine who hurt u the most..is wat u did tat curse our memories n locked it to the end of hell...

2010-04-16T10:08:00.000-07:00

hmm...yesterday i had a dream again..but tis time i had a dream on a fren of my..a fren which i've not been seein her for a long long time..she's a girl who stay at canadan come bac to malaysia due to her dad's transfer to here coz of works..so..she stay wif us omost for 1 year when im in primary 5...she's cute..i mean..yea..tat time i admitted tat i had a crush on her..n we din really get to talk much coz..i was a corward tat time n..shy..yea..u guys might be thinkin tat im a pussy but...haha..i might look like brave from the outside but when it comes to girls..shy shy la~~~XP..anyway...tat dream suddenly reminds me of her..n damn i missed her so much nw..dunno hows she doin in canada..i search for the whole fb list for her name but i couldn't find anythin boout her..haizz..hope my frens can help me out on tis..i really hope tat god will bless me on tis n at least let me contact wif her bac..sabrina..where r u n how r u nw...

haizz..nw its oreadi 1:22 in the midnight..the weather is rather cold..n tonight..im alone in my room coz my bro has gone out for a trip wif his frens~..hmm..well..im suppose to went out n yamcha wif my frens coz 2day is my best fren's b'day but unfortunately he's not free..busy of his assignment n stuff..blablabla..watever..i dunno y lately my temper is so so weird..alot of things tat is totally out of my control...somtime i can withstand somthin which is so so so annoyin without angry..but somtims..i jus cant stand it but to brust out~well,my tis best fren got ''attack'' from me alot of times..i means..i dunno y..mayb..mayb..tis isnt me anymor..yea..i oways wonders..wat kind of life should i hv n stuff..but..in the end..i noe tat tis is my life..a loser 1..?or jus b normal..ha..u asked me..haizz..hvin a life like me is so so borin..well,let me tell u guys a secret.i can read thro ppl's mind..haha..dun blive right..yea..who will..tis world..onli 1..no..i dun think any1 blives it..but in the fact..ppl jus ignore it coz every1's scare to let ppl noe their real identity..ppl lives by pretendin to b somthin or som1 nowadays..no1's real..no 1..well..even im the same..i pretned to live tough..stay happy n try my best to make myself even more handsom n cool..well,i kinda did it~~XP..but wat i mean is..im jus tryin..in another word..im pretendin...theres nth's real inside me nw..ntg..totally ntg..emptiness oreadi eaten me up..love for u,ruey ying..i dunno..i guess i oreadi locked it up in my memories..the way u treated me..i've to thank you coz u'r the 1 who let me view on the true side of humanity..when ppl nids u..they love u..they admire u..they promise their life for u~~but when they had enuf n u'r ntg but a junk to them..they hates u,they kill u..dumped u..ignore u..or wat so ever..tats the true side of it...disgustin..??nah..but more to beauty..the most ''beautiful'' side of u...am i a corward nw..??wat i can say is..i dun trust any1 nw...coz i only trust wat i read from ur mind..which u cannot hide anythin from me of it..i knew everythin..finally...for tat specialty..it'll put me in the result of livin in the lonely world..but im happy wif it..at least..at least im blessed to stay out of tis ugly dusk...in tis world..every1 helds a position..for me..im the 1 who repairs..repairs ur heart..ur soul..ur life..n stuff..but after im done wif the job..ppl will us kik their ass off me n say goodbye..no1 appreciate wat i did..ppl r jus usin me as their replacement on som loss..after they found it bac..im ntg no more..tats wat i am..tats wat u make me..u...

2010-04-13T20:44:00.000-07:00

hmm..yesterday i had a special dream..n tis dream makes me to reconsider again of wat i've thought about somthin b4...tis dream...u'r facin trouble again..n as usual..theres oways me to stand bside u..n yes..jus like b4..we b 2gether again..i noe tis is impossible in the reality but..tat feeling...it seems to b so real...so...nice...even tho i noe it was jus a dream..but tat moment i doubt tat i dun wanna wake up from the dream..i wanna stay there...at least livin in my own fantasy world...coz...i realize tat...i never really let u go b4...no matter wat i do..u'll still live in my heart...n i'll still miss u every single moment...a silly guy i am..but a true love n heart i had for u...

2010-04-12T20:26:00.001-07:00

tuesday..haizz..sien a~~~stay at home tis morning~~ntg to do but to figure it out how the windows 7 starter works..hmm..but glad tat i hv chance to chat wif my formal student whos in taiwan nw~~^^..she's still so slacky n lazy tho~~XP..haizz..sien a~~~~ntg to do le~~~~

2010-04-11T05:48:00.000-07:00

yay baby~!!!finally i had my netbook bac~~yay yay..2day afternoon i went to digital mall n buy a new 1~well,its the same model as b4 jus tat nw it comes wif windows 7~~hehehe...anyway..im glad tat i had my netbook bac again coz i get to on9~~hmm..without netbook,i cant go to my blog,facebook n shit i lost my student's blog ip..which makes me currently disconnect wif her..tryin to find out hows her life in taiwan..missed her so much~~but hopes she's fine anyway...n guess wat..finally everythin is off my chest~~im glad tat finally i did tat decision...at least nw im feelin better than ever~~yesterday i receive a call from her..well,i dun seems to b surprise bout it coz i noe tat she's gonna call so i pick it up..yes n i noe tat she's askin me to help her find somthin..well,after i make tat decision..i dunno y i dun hv the feelins of talkin so nice to her..so the whole call i jus act so cool...n suddenly she pissed off n started scoldin me n hang up..==..i was like..okie..u call,asked me for somthin..n i din reject but jus answer in a quite cool tone..abviously u should noe tat i'll b givin tat kind of answers after wat u n tat little kid ''doggy'' had done to me..n i din blame u guys but nw u'r mad coz i treat u cool~~~haha..funny..nvm,it doesnt affect on me anymor..i still cont my life normally n yesterday i went to my primary scl gatherin n celebrate a b'day of a fren which we oreadi noe each other for like 10+years..so..i had a great time~~~^^

2010-03-25T09:45:00.000-07:00

god damn it!!!they say tat i'll b havin a better year..yea right..fucked them..guess wat.my hosue was been break in on wednesday..tat jerk took away some of my mom's precious jewelleries which was been passed down by my grandmother b4 she passed away,a pair of my dad's shoe n..the most important thing..my laptop!!!!fuck him!!break into my house..walao ehh..dun let me caught him..if i had a chance to lay my hand on him,i'll punch him like a dog..do u noe how many things r there inside my laptop??!!!its not bout the laptop but the things inside!!walao...!!!1st,i lost my girl,then i lsot my wallet,n then i lost my laptop...so wats next..??my life??!!!come on n take it away..!!im so damn fuckin sick of hvin such a bad life..hvin bad mood but tryin to find som1 to chat wif..no1 r available..wanted to find u..but yet i can forecast to noe wats the result of findin u..its useless..wat am i hvin nw..life or suffer...i so damn dull bout it...im oreadi numb..jus...bring it on watever tricks u'r still hidin bhind to play a fool wif my life..n end it fast plz...im jus hvin my empty vessel nw...take it if u wan...

2010-03-21T08:12:00.000-07:00

OMG~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YESTERDAY NIGHT WAS THE HAPPIEST NIGHT I HAD EVER SINCE HALF OF THE YEAR~~!!!WOWOW!!!!!yesterday i n my fren was plannin to go clubbin at cocobanana...we oreadi plan to meet up at 10..then hv our dinner n straight go to club..who noes...afternoon 1 of my fren called up n ask me wanna go watch super junior's concert~i answer him bac if it free..of coz i wan..then he say yea,n the ticket is like rm400+..rock pit..in the middle of the stage...but wif 1 condition,i hv to fetch them go n bac..i was like..OMFG!!OF COZ I WAN!!!DUDE..I LOVE SUPER JUNIOR N I WANTED TO GO TO THEIR CONCEERT JUS TAT THE TICKET IS VERY EXPENSIV..BUT NW I GOT A FREE TICKET..SOMEMOR ITS IN THE ROCK PIT~~WHO DOWAN~~!!!!WALAO...the concert was so damn nice...i love the way they bring it out~~~cheerful..fun..amazing dance~performance...their singin~~omg..i love them...then after the concert i join up my other fren n go down to club...tat time my stomach was empty..but tat moment i was thinkin later im gonna drive so i wont drink too much..then i guess its ok even if im hungry...who noes after went there..i bang into my 2ndary scl frens n we started to get high..drink n dance~~my god~~~eventually..yea..i was drunk..so damn drunk tat i vomited like 8 times..n start to got wild~~~haha...i reach home at around 7 in the morning...nw after the whole day..i still dun feel very well bout my stomach n my head still bit dizzy~~XS...but nvm~~we hv alot of fun yesterday~~i love it man~~~wowowowow~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!super junior rock~!!!!clubbin rock~~!!!!me rocks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-03-19T11:00:00.000-07:00

hmm..has been omost a week i din step into my blog...hmm..lets see..tis week~~~well..bsides than i din really slps well...all my minds is jus u keep runnin in my mind~~~~~@.@...well,sorry for lettin u so tired~~but sorry again coz i cant let u take a rest n continue runnin in my mind~~XP...hmm..y i din slp well...good question...im hvin nightmares...nightmares of u...u've been appearin in my dreams...it should b a happy thing but..in my dream..the way u talk..act...it brokes my heart..again..haizz...i really dunno y...y am i stuck in u...im tryin my best to set myself free from u but end up...we both runnin in my mind~~haizz...tired..really very tired...but...i jus dun hope tat u would jus take a rest..even a second..coz..im so so missed u nw~~~

2010-03-14T10:44:00.000-07:00

hmm..jus come bac from work..my god..so damn tired..haizz...these weekend sucks..no..is the whole holiday of mine SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!been through a whole week of emo..tot will b better bit but who noes..walao...do u even noe how it feels when som1 jus break into ur relationship but say tat u'r the 3rd party~??walao eh..MEMANG JIBAI PUNYA ORANG~!!!sorry 4 bein so rude..but..no1 to chat to..all things hv been keepin inside my heart..im feelin so so so damn burst out..argghh!!!!!!!!!!!!haizz..my ex-student went to taiwan oreadi..no1 can talk to...cant find her..coz i noe wat will happen..i dowan to cause another chaos to her..i dun wanna cause any trouble to her anymor..watever she wan..jus let it b...my heart is oreadi super tired...its like im walkin around the earth non-stop for a long long period..after knowin tat u'r goin to giv out n sell all the things tat i gave u..it jus feels like u'r tearin my heart piece by piece again n jus spread it into all directions..u dun even noe how it feels..u noe how to say tat sentence..person who likes u,theres a bunch of it..but person who love u..theres onli 1...n tats me..but u'r still hurtin me..askin me to dun love u anymor..not to wait for u anymor..??walao..it feels like u'r askin me to giv up my soul dude..do u noe wat is love..??u thinks tat love is jus a game..??u dun even noe how hurt i am..but im still here..still standin..jus for u..u silly goat...haizz...nvm mind of it..who cares bout u when u'r jus a useless,poor n a shit face...no choice..im not handsom..not rich..not smart...not talented..not ntg...but a small small dusk in the big big universe~~

2010-03-09T06:28:00.000-08:00

手上香烟的味道，平抚了我孤单的心情。但弥漫在空气中那淡淡的烟草味，却无意中让我更加想你。没有了你的味道，也只剩下浓厚的烟草陪伴着我身边。喝着不加糖的expresso，也只有我知道那种苦中带甘的滋味。。也就和我一样，没有了你滋润我的生活，留下的也只是永远无法填满的空虚感。。习惯了寂寞，却奇妙的对孤单产生了一种莫名的陌生感。。唯有你给我留下的回忆，陪伴着我度过这寂寞的一生。。滴滴答答的雨声，让我回忆起过去我们一起度过的许多煎熬的日子。。空气中湿湿的味道，让我暂时忘掉了你的离开，也增加了我对你的思念。。狂风暴雨的降临，让我记起为你遮风挡雨的时候。。。还记得我告诉过你，风是我儿时的知心朋友。。因为她吹走了我所有的烦恼。。而于是我儿时的玩伴，因为它的降临，让我忘记了所有烦恼。。大地和天空，是时常陪伴在我身边贴心的家人。。因为他们都会无怨无愁地聆听我的埋怨。。寂寞与孤单，往往都会因为他们的存在而消失。。但是你，却是弥补我心灵上空虚的解药。。没有了你，就算是烦恼和寂寞被解开了，也只会增加我心灵上的空洞。。。上帝创造了万物，却也同时把感情给了生命。。诞生的同时，却也开始了感情的生活。。那种寂寞，孤单的空洞，由谁来弥补？无人晓得，也无人能答，在我的脑海里，我知道的，也只有我爱你。。

2010-03-07T03:06:00.000-08:00

finally get done wif my examinations again~~wow~1 point to kenn plz~~hmm..guess im gettin tougher n tougher..i mean my mind la of coz..i hvt been exercise for so long,my body is gettin fatter n fatter~~!!!!XS..anyway..finally i get to control every single of my emotions n guess wat..i could even used it freely as well..i found out tat when im totally depressed..my mind works faster..more points n ideas will jus flush into my mind..n slowly,i start to learn to control..haha..guess wat..when my exam,i try to make myself so so depressed n damn it works!!!!so many ideas n points suddenly jus keep on comin out n yay!!!!im done wif it..woho~~~~~haha..so happy nw..well,yea..thanks to u too,my dear..coz of u..i learn all these!!^^..hmm..guess nw he treats u better huh...im glad finally...sorry to disturb u 2 earlier..at 1st..i really planin to get u bac..but i heard ur heart..i noe wat u'r thinkin...u asked me not too..coz of som reason..i wont say it out coz u'll never admit..u'r so care bout ur face~~~==..yiesh..but nvm..i got onli 2 choices,1 get u away from him..2 make him love u more n yup..guess i choose the 2nd 1...n yes it did works i guess...hmm..yea mayb u wont blive wat im sayin nw n think tat im bullshittin..or mayb u jus think im silly or watever...as long as u'r happy nw..even if my heart hv to break again again again again n again..whenever i see u smile..everythin to me its jus fine..i love u,ruey ying...muax..aishiteru..ma,ja neh..

2010-03-04T06:35:00.000-08:00

寂寞，是一种奇妙的感觉。。在你寂寞的时候，却又会不由自主地想起你爱的人，那种空虚中带点甜蜜，寂寞中又带点温暖，有时冷又是热。。真是让人又爱又恨。。但是，常在我心中的寂寞，却已把苦中的甜蜜给取了出来，剩下的也只有空洞。。爱你的心，在这段爱情路上跌跌撞撞，外表看起来已变得越来越坚强，其实内心却是越来越脆弱。。在爱情路上拖着沉重的伐步，每一天都在无时无刻的盼望着你回来。。但是，你给的却是一次又一次的伤害。。虽然如此，我依旧不怪你，要怪，只能怪我当初的鲁莽和冲动。。当时的我应该冷静下来听你的解释，而不是忍不住脾气对你破口大骂。。当时的我不应该出言伤你。。而是应该更加得疼你。。但是，那一时无法改变的事实。。现在的我能做到的也只有耐心的等待。。在你手上的时候也只能默默的支持你，却不能上场为你擦眼泪。。我的心，真得很痛。。但是请你不要叫我放弃，因为我希望听到的也只有你对我的爱意。。该放弃，我早就在两年前放弃你了。。却因为深爱着你。。而坚持得走了这段艰苦的路。。我的心，因为爱你的寂寞而痛，我的身体，也因为不断的追随你的背影而累了。。但是我的魂却因为爱你而不断努力的生存。。盈，当年我鼓起勇气在大众下跪对你示爱，现在的我，需要的并不是那种勇气，需要的。。是你那温暖的爱。。。我。。真得很爱很爱你。。

2010-03-03T10:14:00.000-08:00

我知道我选了一条不归路，再也不能回头。。但是为了你，也许你会说我傻，为什么世界上有那么多女生我不选，就是要选你。。对，他们可能都比你美，比你聪明，身材比你好。。但是，或许这就是上天跟我开的玩笑，不管谁出现在我面前，我的心也只对你痴心一片。。并不是说他对你不好，但是眼看着自己心爱的人在爱情世界里是个爱情的傀儡，我的心就不由自主地痛了起来。。真得很想把你静静地抱着，对你说。。没关系，有我在，就让我好好的爱你吧。。每个人市场都在想，或在这世界上，什么是幸福。。但是幸运的我，因为你而明白了幸福的意思。。为你傻，是一种幸福。。傻傻的爱着你，不惜任何代价，就是一种幸福。。傻傻得陪着你，就能给我无比的快乐。。闻着你的发香，望着你的身影，听着你的身影，才让我知道这世界是多么的美丽。。傻傻的望着你，就能感觉到无比的甜蜜。。傻傻得等着你，也是一种幸福。。等待你的当时，也能学习如何去爱你，因为静静的看着你的动作，行为，才知道我是着世界上最幸福的男人。。因为拥有这如此珍贵的机会，让我感觉到什么是幸福。。傻傻得跟你斗嘴，也只是为了让我们之间擦出更多爱的火花，让我们的爱情更加的完美和甜蜜。。傻，是因为爱你而傻。。爱你，是因为傻所以爱你。。我。。就是那只会傻傻爱着你的大傻瓜。。

但是。。好景不长。。痛苦的回忆慢慢的遮掩了我对你的爱意。。我们俩之间所发生的事情，也逐渐腐蚀了我们之间的爱情。。如今的我，也只能盼望着你的归来。。对你的爱，从来就没改变过。。可是你对我的伤害。确实越来越深。。受伤的躯壳，流血的心，也只能不放弃的爱着你，真心希望你会原谅我，回到我身边来。。我错了，我真的错了。。心里有一千个，一万个得难受。。也只能往肚里吞。。因为没有了你陪在我的身旁，安慰我。。逗我开心。。失去你的日子里，虽然并不好受。。但也为了实现我对你的承诺。。坚强的继续走下去。。请你。。不要在伤害我的心。。真心爱你的人，是天堂为了真爱而牺牲了翅旁，来到了凡间的天使。。如果没有了你。。他们再也不能回到天堂。。我的翅膀以为你折，我的心以为你碎。。但是。。我还是深深的爱着你。。

2010-03-02T06:12:00.000-08:00

是我不好，让你跑掉。。
是我不好，让你跌倒。。
是我不好，给过你的承诺。。
也只当随便胡闹。。
曾经的你不管受了多少委屈，
都会继续微笑。。
不管受了多少伤害，
对我的爱也依旧不变。。
可是一场误会，让我失去了你。。
无奈的后悔，也只能是痛册心扉。。
为了挽回你的爱。。不惜代价。。
受伤的心，就算一而再，再而三的被你拒绝与千里之外，
也只能忍着泪，流着血的继续坚持到底。。
爱你，不是因为你的美而已，
爱你，是因为你就是我爱的你，
不管你多努力的改变，在我眼里你还是让我深爱着的你。。
身上所承受得伤，远远不敌心里所受的打击。。
不断的拒绝，让我伤心绝底。。
但是想要放弃的我，却顿时想起当年对你的承诺。。
到了最后，就算是遍体鳞伤，也会继续下去。。
因为爱你的我，想要保护你。。
爱你的我，想要照顾你。。
也就因为爱你的我，想要和你度过生命中的每一份每一秒，
牵着你的手，一起走到永远。。
我爱你。。

2010-03-02T05:45:00.000-08:00

还记得当初的我，对你许下了永远爱你，疼你的诺言。。如今的我，因为当时的一时之气，明知道你没有被着我做出任何对不起我的事。。却因撑不住气，把你给骂跑了。。想努力的追回你，却会想起当时我的坏脾气，害怕又会再一次的伤害你。。我知道当时对你的伤害不能只用一句对不起就解决。。但是如果再有机会握着你的手，我会说的并不是爱你到永远，而是爱你无限期。。如果你能回来，就算要我配上任何的代价我都愿意。。并不是因为我那么没用，没了你就不行。。而是因为我希望你能陪在我身边，哪怕是失败或成功，我都希望你能很我一起分享和度过生命中的每一份每一秒。。不答应你什么，只会尽我所能，让你不在受伤，让你不在掉眼泪，让你开开心心幸福的过每一天。。因为我就是我，就是那个爱你的我。。人都常说。。爱情与生命，都像一支火柴。。终会有烧到尽头的一天。。但是对我而言，你就是我生命中为我点亮我接下来无限量的火柴的能源。。也只因为有你。。在我的爱情世界里，爱你的火依旧地亮着。。也就因为你，它散发出来的光芒将会照亮全世界，带给全世界温暖。。因为，爱着你是幸福的。。想你是甜蜜的。。关心你是温暖的。。希望你继续需的做我生命中为我点亮幸福的火柴的能源。。继续得让我们的爱情故事感动全世界。。请你不要叫我放弃，因为你知道我永远都不会。。也请你不要说我们可以做最好的朋友，因为我才知道我讨厌你这样说。。拥有一颗世界上最真诚爱你的心。。因为不愿意在看到你受苦，不愿意在看到你受伤害。。我真的希望。。真的希望上天能再一次给我一个机会，让我就像当初一样，再一次地把你从苦难中救回上来。。而这次的我。。会做得比上一次更好。。我不回答应你什么。。只会确保我自己做得比上次好。。让我爱你。。就是我最大的愿望~也因为只有你，才会让我的生命加上更多的颜色。。更加多姿多彩。。

2010-03-01T06:39:00.000-08:00

haizz..im holdin myself so hard for not to find u..do u even noe how hard it feels like..??how sufferin it feels like for not knowin any news bout the 1 u love so much..??do u noe how worried i got when i noe tat u'r sick..but all of these..??wat i can do is jus wait..pray tat u'll b alright..pray tat u'll b happy..pray tat u'll b safe...ITS SO SUFFERING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!argghh~~~!!!ying~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I NOE I CANT TOOK BAC MY WORDS BUT I REALLY DIN MEAN IT TAT NIGHT LA!!!!!!!!!!arrggghh~!!!!!!im not blamin u but..really..i still tryin so so hard to hold myself..i scare i cant hold it much longer oreadi...really..my body is gettin weaker n weaker for me to hold up so many things...argghh..i really dunno how n wat ways i should use to let u noe how i feel la...im cryin for help le..yorr~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!onli u can make me so..so..yiesh!!!!argghh~im goin crazy la...ying~~~plz~~T.T

2010-03-01T06:09:00.001-08:00

question : do i still like/love u..?
answer : i dun,but i jus cant b without u...i still can live..but its emtpy..
question :the level of my love torwards u,did it decrease..?
answer : no,it din..jus tat i learnt a way to turn around so tat i wont hurt u..but scared i did too much n at the end it'll jus get worst,tats y i hope u could help..
question : y cant i jus go on n find another girl(but not dao gei..==)
answer : im oreadi living on..its jus tat my heart its like attached to u n i dunno y..even if i force myself to..in the end..it'll still b the same..im still in love wif u..
question : do u love him..??
answer : the answer..hmm..lets see...yes~~~but~~there's a but...dun deny it,he's jus a black spot in ur heart tat u wanna clear it..mayb some part of him attracts u..but u'r not attached to him..like u do...to..ermm..me~???i guess so..XS
question : will u come bac to me again..will we b 2gether again..??
answer : nw..hmm..dun think so coz i hvt take any action yet but i noe..we will..u'r oreadi givin me the sign~mayb u pretend to 4got everythin bout me..but i noe u din...u'r oreadi lock up the memories some where so tat u wont 4get..
question : y does he came bac..??
answer : u seriously wanna noe??but theres another question..even tho i tell u..will u even blive me??wat u'll say is tat he's nice guy,he wont act like tat..but tats the truth..how i noe..evidence..his comment on my frenster..n the way he treat u nw!!!!sorry to say tis but yes,im a jerk..but he's even more jerk than i am~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

haizz...finally for so long i train myself to calm down..coz of u..i blast off again~im still in love wif u so so so much la dum dum~!!!jus tat i cant show it like last time coz it'll onli scares u away~!!!!!!like last time..u'll onli hate me coz i keep wrappin u around..u get it~??!!!!yiesh!!!!listen to me plz..when will u onli listen to me n blive wat i said n wats in ur heart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-02-22T08:32:00.000-08:00

jus come bac..hu~2day din hv class..but still went to college coz tot to study as my exam i gettin near..well,eventually after i reach college i met up wif my fren n we go hv our lunch..after lunch we went to the library n study awhile..it was around like 2 pm then we decide to go to his gf's workin place at kepong jusco..n we'r at kl tat time..so we hv to take a bus n its like half n hour to reach there..we watched a movie while waitin for his gf to finish up her work..well,hv dinner there n go bac..the whole journey from kl to kepong n to sri petaling..we hv to take a bus from kl,then reach kepong..after tat we take a bus as well go bac to kl n then take lrt bac to sri petaling..it was a long journey..i asked him everytim his gf come n find him,she has to take such long journey..he say yea,no short cut at all..i was like..wow..ok..when we go bac..it was like 9pm..the whole kl road was so quiet as there were not many cars around..the silence reminds me of tat time..the 1st time i went to genting alone to find u..take a bike to go to ur house jus to walk wif u to work..even tho its jus a 3 mins meet up..but its worthy 4 me to even ride so fast jus to see u earlier n get knocked down by cars few times..even if i was so scared tat i'll get lost or somthin..i'll stil go meet u wif u in klcc..to the clubhouse..coz of the feelings of lovin u was so strong..it nearly makes me bcome so brave tat i was not scare of everythin n will jus do anythin jus to see u,n protect u...but ever since u left..the courage was all gone..left onli the empty shell..a coward n a jerk..im nw nothing but a useless person..i missed u,baby....

2010-02-20T22:05:00.000-08:00

hmm..yesterday i had a very exhaustin day of workin in the restaurant..after work i hav to stay awake to wait for my bro to fetch me to go bac home..phew..tot i could hav a gd nite slp..n had a good dream of coz..well,at 1st tat dream suppose to b good..i mean..it is good..its been a long long time ever since i had a nice dream where u were there..its jus like the old times..we hang out,hold hands..hugs...we'r still couple..who noes..out of a sudden..i dunno wat happen the image jus change into where we happens to b in a fight..we both keep quiet to prevent the fight get worst..i was like wat the fuck..y suddenly fight again..i wanna hv a nice good dream wif u..y suddenly i'll get angry n fight again..y am i such a jerk..!!!!yiesh!!!!haizz..y..mayb i am a jerk which onli deserve tis kind of lonely life..haizz...

2010-02-19T09:30:00.001-08:00

few days bac b4 i left my hometown,i got tis song from my uncle..yea..its bit old..but..the 1st time i heard it..dunno y i felt tat there's a heavy loneliness feelings strike straight to the deepest part of my heart...tis song...it..suits me..the feelings of mine nw..

sarah mclachlan-angel

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
oh~And weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

mayb i am in the arms of the angel...but even if there is som comfort wrapin around me..its still cold...without u...

2010-02-19T03:20:00.000-08:00

yoyoyo~~~haizz..yo wat la,idiot...pretend to b cool again..watever...im jus a idiotic jerk~~~haizz..sien a...sien a...oways wonder wat kind of life will i get in the future..hmm..rich 1..??or poor..but no matter wat..it'll jus b so bored without u~yea..single life may has its own benefits..but when u'r alone for somtims..u'll noe tat love from family n frens jus arent enuf to fill up the emptiness of ur heart...i try to laugh,i try to smile...i try everythin i could jus to make myself look happy in front of every1..but when im alone..the laughter,smile,happiness..all gone..gone for good..im alone..lonely..n cold...im jus pretendin..a disguiser i guess..a very good 1..hmm..theres a time where i can read ur mind n balance it up wif my actions n emotions..but slowly..the love of mine torwards u suddenly grow too strong til its out of my control...i lost control of everythin..i started to act like a wild beast...totally out of control..tats y it scares u away...far far away from me...i try my best to pull u bac..end up..i screwed up everythin of coz...after so long..i slowly started to learn to control again..learn to balance every single emotions i have so tat i wont repeat the same mistakes as i did...nw..even if theres som sort of ''emergency''..i'll still able to maintain it calmly...n slowly..my eyes opens..n finally it allows me to see the world...still hangin around for u..hopin to be recovered...i missed u so much...where the moon starts to fall its beautiful white light down to the earth...where the sun shines up its gorgeous warm lights..whenever the wind starts to blow,n deliver its calmin n cheerful feelings..whenever every single breath u take even til the day ur soul is been sent bac to God..every single time my heart beats..it reminds me tat today...my love for u is gettin stronger...i love u...

2010-02-17T08:05:00.000-08:00

hmm..had an awful night yesterda..cant slp..felt damn suffer..dunno y my heart is so damn pain n hurt..its like bleedin again..haizz..after so damn long..i still miss u so much...y..y cant i jus let go..its unfair to say tat i din try..i tried very very hard b4..but no way its gettin out of my heart..plz..som1..help me..i try to find som1 to talk..but at the end of the day,i dun wish every1 coz of me they feel sad..coz i effect their emo as well..haizz..i hv to take it all by myself..its oways like tis..no 1 can help me bsides than my own self...im in pain again..y...plz..som1..explain to me..som1 help me..som1..plz..release me...

2010-02-16T23:39:00.000-08:00

hmm..16 of feb..jus got stung by a stupid bee..damn it..i noe tat im sweet,but doesnt mean tat u can stung me..idiot..luckily i got u n crushed u into pieces..well,2day we goin bac from our hometown..spend around 4 days 4 nights over there..it brings bac alot of memories thro tis special chinese new year..yea..mayb its very lonely to been thro both specail day alone..but..guess its still not my turn to get somthin i wan yet..mayb i nid somemor time to train myself tats y..from tis trip bac to my hoemtown..i learnt..yea..family is important..but not all...no matter wat..theres somthin..somthin tat live in ur heart..somethin tat was keep on waitin..waitin for the other part to appear..somethin we call love...family might b very important to us..but at the same time we cant lost our love as well,frenship,family,love n social..4 things..we mus oways learn to balance it..none of these 4 can we b lost track of...i lost 1..but its ok as im still waitin..still trainin myself..learnin alot of stuff n til 1 day..i believe it'll come bac to me..i blive til the day comes..at least..it'll b the reason y im still breathin..still standin n still smiling..coz i blive...

2010-02-15T23:38:00.000-08:00

hmm..the 2nd day of cny..well,2night the sky was empty..mayb it was bout to rain tats y...tis afternoon she replied my msg..finally..well,it was bit late as it was after 1 day i msg her..but..like wat ppl says,somthin is better than nothing..hmm..i din hv a chance to chat much wif her as she got somthin to do n gotta go very soon...haizz...its so damn lonely for tis cny...nothing jus seems to attract my ny mood to come out from the bottom of my heart..not like the past few years as i was so excited every night to call her n share wif her wat happens on tat particular day..haizz..guess n who i can share my stuff is jus myself...no1 else..so my dear blog..nw u oreadi startin tp replace any1 in tis world n bcome my listener~~im bored of everythin..b4 tat,when she left me,i learn to appreciate everythin which i had..family,frenship,stuff..bt nw..my body is gettin weaker..im gettin more n more tired..im done wif everythin..i guess..its jus too tired to stood up by jus 1 person..jus single..its jus too hard..im oreadi very lucky to hang on til nw..guess its time for me to let go..guess...im jus nothing but a dusk in tis big unniverse...im jus...nothing but a tiny little thing...god,jus take my soul n let me relief~~

2010-02-14T11:37:00.000-08:00

hmm..nw its 14th night..yea..few hours to go b4 the valentines day ends..hmm..2day still hvin tat down mood..mayb coz of tat,i scare tat it'll chase away my luck tats y i din go for the family gamblin tis year..hmm..tis morning onli i found out tat the msg tat i sent to her bro for the cny n valentines wishes was not sent..i dunno y mayb coz her bro din on his hp or somthin..when i wanna sent to her mum or dad onli i found out tat i oreadi deleted their contact numbers..n when i tried to called her cousin..he change his contact oreadi....n again when im tryin to get her best fren..yup..she change her contact again...GOSH~!!!i was so damn pissed..then,i try to ask her bro's fren to see whether i got his contact correct anot..til nw,she din even reply...yea..funny huh..mayb tis is wat we call it faith..my chinese new year is so damn FUCKED UP!!!!!arghh~!!!!!i try to find som1 to talk wif..none of them..i dun wanna disturb others cny mood..when i student sms me..til half way..she din replied..n i guess shes busy or somthin..i myself dun hv the mood to care bout these anymor..so damn moody nw..yiesh~!!!!!y the fuck am i soo damn bad luck!!!!i try my best not to think..i try my best to learn..i try my best to do everythin til the best..y..y everytim these kind of fuckin things happens to me!!!wats wrong wif my life~!!!!arghh!!!!!!!!i hate ME!!!!!!!!!

2010-02-14T00:15:00.000-08:00

well...it jus reach the first day of chinese new year nw..yup..jus past 12 n im over here typin my blog..hmm..tis year is a tiger year..they said tat tiger year doesnt mean as it'll eat up the goat..well,im the goat of coz..in fact,the goats will b hvin a lucky year in the tiger...well,it might b..to other goats..but to me..i dun think so..hmm..i jus come bac to my hometown yesterday night..when i left my head n look at the sky..my god..it was so beautiful..the stars..all of them shines like diamonds...it reminds me of the night sky view in the redang island..n at the same time..it reminds me of u again..tat time when i was at the redang island..i missed u so much..same goes to u..coz over there i cant use my cell to msg u..we both missed each other so much..but nw...even today is valentines day plus chinese new year..so wat...no matter wat kind of big days,im still alone over here..alone..cold..empty...haizz....cant help to think..y all these happens...i used to think im the happinest guy in the world..but nw..i guess all those r jus some beautiful dreams tat god gave it to me coz He pity me..nw he has to take it bac as we hv to wake up from our dream som days...yea..wake up n bac again to my stupid empty life..sucks...haizz...no use of all these blamin...it jus wont change anythin...im so lonely...alone...

2010-02-12T02:29:00.000-08:00

hmm..finally,tis afternoon as i was hvin my lunch..got a msg n all the misunderstandin solved~~i mean she oreadi apologize..so its ok..coz all of these r jus misunderstandin..im jus bein so rough coz its my natural self defence system..so..sorry n yup..nw its peace again..yay~~~anyway...im goin bac to hometown..so i wont b able to on9 4 like 4-5 days...hmm..thinkin bac in last time..whenever its night,i n u will b chattin n talk bout wat happened on tat day..but nw guess i'll talkin to myself of wonderin wat r u doin nowadays..did u go bac n celebrate wif ur family or still workin...haizz...everythin change so fast..its jus a blink of an eye its oreadi like 7 months we break up...hope u hv a happy chinese new year n lovely valentines day wif him...ti amo~

2010-02-11T06:32:00.000-08:00

BLUEK~~~!!!god..i feel like pukin man...yuck~!!!!oh plz..u appreciate frens~??harlo..plz dun make me laugh again...gosh...lookin at wat u wrote seriously make me sick la...u noe wat..nw..i dun feel like gettin ''peace'' wif u..fight..neh..i dun even care anymor~~u dun even hv the heart to make things peace...i can see it through ur eyes tat u dun...dun lie bout it~yuck~~fine..gonna stop thinkin of tat disgustin thing~anyway..2day i went to mv to watch a movie,piercy jackson n the lightning thief..hmm..how to describe it..at the beginin of the movie..its not bad..but at the end..==..they jus simply get a endin n tats it..haizz..another failure movie...tot it would b interestin..nvm..things around oways dissapoited me anyway..hmm..but im lookin forward to watch iron man 2..it looks nice in the trailer..^^..hmm..valentines day is comin..yea..tis year..a very special 1..single..after gettin thro 3 years of valentines day wif her..tis is the 1st year tat im alone again..haizz...dunno y..til nw...whenever there's footsteps of hers..there's where my tears startin to flow~~the sound of the breakin heart was keep on repeatin inside me...the feelin of loneliness wasnt good at all...but no matter wat..wat done is done..jus hope she has a very happy chinese new year n valentines day wif her bf nw..i love u...sorry tat i dun hv the chance to celebrate wif u tis year..

2010-02-09T07:37:00.000-08:00

haizz..damn borin..early in the mornin..once log in fb nia then saw ppl start shootin me again..haizz..bla bla bla..yea..im stupid..im idiot..im failure..im ghost..im bad worm in the class..im jus a jerk or son of the bitch or watever shit la..ok..???haizz..sien..dunno y ppl jus act stupidly...anyway..2day went to sg.wang n ts wif my bro..brought 2 clothes n a pair of shoes..i love wat i bought tho..they fits me~~^^..yay yay..hmm..end of the day..yea..arguein wif ppl was the fun part..hvin to own wat u like is oso enjoyable..but when u noe tat ur heart is empty..there no longer b fun or enjoy anymor...feel so lonely...so so so lonely..haizzz...watever i do..everytim...its oways wrong..coz humans jus dun like to hear the truth..coz humans jus dun like to noe their true self..coz im..im oways alone~

2010-02-08T21:43:00.000-08:00

lalala~~so happy nw...^^..its a relief~~~haizz..dunno wats wrong wif som ppl's mind..y they keep thinkin tat they'r so big til every1 has to folo watever they say..my god..who the hell u think u r~???hmm???yea..im wrong at 1st coz i dunno tat person whos talkin is u then i start shoutin..but i oreadi apologize for tat..after tat..wat i do is jus ask not to fight..b back like frens we use to b..apa pula salah...then..she start to shoot me again~~~ok..fine...then i change..ask ppl to gather up...watever u wanna say tat day..u say it out..at least after u say out all the misunderstandin..it'll b better..then..she start to shoot me again..shoot shoot shoot shoot..adui~~~~yala..tak payah bayar..tapi tengokla apa yang kau sedang buat..say wat nid time la..bla bla bla..wat time do u nid..??we'r not forcin u to pay millions of dolars oso..we'r jus tryin to solve all those misunderstandin..the best way is sit down n talk nicely..while hvin somthin to drink..==..n somemor its not tat last time we stab u wif a knife..nw we nid to stab u again..u wanna heal from wat..??takda brain langsung...n wat i do wrong..y u keep shoot me like tis..??n u expect me to keep quiet pula..eh dei..if its u..after u been shoot,scold,insult by som1 so badly in the public without doin anythin wrong..will u jus keep quiet n smile..??haizz..nvm..coz all these actions will jus make her look like a joker..so wat i do is..reply..then sit bac..take up my biscuits..n drinks..relax n enjoy tat joker's show~~^^^peace~

2010-02-08T09:43:00.000-08:00

my god..noe wat..my college life is gettin better n better n better..i mean..at 1st i tot my college life will b so bored tat everyday after class i hv to go hang around in mv in order to pass my time..but nw..i dun think so..my life is gettin better..theres some joker in my class..tat person makes me laugh like hell man..seriously..i dunno how to discribe her..1 word..funny~haha..muaxx~i love u guys..yea..after i post everythin..i dun hv to use my eyes oreadi i can see..alot of ppl will jus avoid gettin close to me i guess in order to prevent been suck into the fight but well..dun worry,u guys still my good frens..i understand..its jus tat i hv to make som1 wake up n look at her foolish action..use foul words..bla bla bla..watever...i dun mind..i used to those words..they'r jus like my frens~~~so watever u'r doin is jus makin me to say hi to my frens~^^yay peace~~~

2010-02-02T08:21:00.000-08:00

hmm..well..alot of stuff happens in scl lately..since sem 2..it jus doesnt seems to b a happy sem to all of us..i mean..i tried so hard for not to look at wats wrong wif u guys..i dun wanna noe..its like so sad to see u guys like tis,we use to be such good frens in sem1..we hang out 2gether,we chat 2gether..we hv so much of funs..wats wrong wif u guys nw??y r u all actin like tis..???where's the frenship had gone to??wats so big deal if u din get to hang out wif som of us few times..??i mean u guys oways hang out without me..duh??do i nid to get angry wif tat small matter??no,damn it..if i do it'll makes me look like an amature..do i hv to hv such huge reaction if som1 in our class like each other but 1 of them oreadi hv partners??no..even if they hv partners of their own..doesnt mean tat they'll get along til end of life..n nw they didnt even start doin wat..jus a relationship which is better than best fren but not couple..so wat..??they din do ntg wrong...if u like it,ok..support..if u dun like it,then shut up n f** off ok??im so damn sick of the class..tats y i've been oways late to scl so tat once i get into the class,i can jus start studyin without lookin at u guys..i hate the feelings of surrounded by those f**in bad emotions..wats wrong wif u guys..seriously wats wrong??!!!wake up guys..wake up!!we r frens..we r a team~~then we should act like a team..not enemies~!!!dun jus look at things from the creak,look at the world thro the sky,the whole universe!!we'r not gonna live like thousands of years so appreciate wat u hv nw..u dun noe wats the feelings of losin somthin precious to u,I DO!!OK??!!SO WAKE THE FUCK UP B4 I CANT STAND OF THE ATTITUDES OF U GUYS N START SLAPPIN U ONE-BY-ONE TIL U'R TOTALLY WAKE UP!!!

2010-01-31T10:24:00.000-08:00

haizz...no mood again....tis time really sien 7 jor..sorry for addin in som bad words coz..really dunno how to express myself...i mean..haizz..am i really gonna b alone for the rest of my life...haizz...watever i do..who ever i met..all r jus mistakes...yea...ntg else but a bunch of mistakes...how n wat im gonna do onli i get to repair all the problems in my life..im tryin my best..but in result..nothin works at all...nw guess im turnin into the public enemy...lookin into ppl's dark side is bad..but lookin into my own life..sucks...im sick of my life..bored of it..i wanna leave...i jus..wanna stay alone..mayb tats wat i meant to be..mayb tats wat im suppose to b..stay out of tis world..lock up myself n jus sit over the corner..onli me..alone in the dark...

2010-01-30T08:41:00.000-08:00

haizz..since i was young..i oways have tis special feel..i mean..mayb its a gift from god..or mayb its somthin which will jus add more suffer into my life..yea..i can see through ppl's heart..i can noe wat they'r thinkin n wat they gonna say..in another word..the words of the truth...i oways tot wif tis,it will make my life better..i'll get more close wif my love 1..i'll b pretected from tis world coz i noe whos gonna hurt me..but lately...i started to change my mind bout it..ever since she leave..the words of her sayin tat i oways get to noe wat she's gonna say..it irritated her..nw slowly..i get to see alot of the dark side of humans..it disgusted me...it makes me feels like tis world is not beautiful at all..even mayb som of my tots r special..even i noe wat i written is good..even i noe i mayb the 1st...but wat so bout it..theres ntg at all..i feel so empty....so lonely...when i can get the silence feelings from the world is when i smoke...tats the onli moment...i get to cool down myself...my mind oreadi lost control...my angel oreadi left...nw the devil started to take over the body...im gonna lost myself soon...wats so good even i get to see thro ppl's heart..end up..im still ntg..wat i did is still useless...im ntg but jus a dirt...useless dirt...

2010-01-29T07:53:00.000-08:00

rushing to update my blog nw..yiesh..tat yan a..oso say my modem kena lightnin strike lo...anyway..hmm..wat to say wat to say..argh~~~ohya...yan..im gonnay giv u ur present la..dun worry la..n yes,its 2 present tat im gonna giv u...but how bout mine..??when my b'day u go to taiwan oreadi le..not fair...so u hv to giv me 1 oso..haha..anyway,exam is comin soon..kinda stressed up again..n plus..when my sem 3 comes,my days will b so packed up jus like puttin 10 elephants in 1 small bag..haizz..worried bout my study alot..am i gonna make it or not..arghh~~god plz i beg u..bless me~~~~~

2010-01-25T22:40:00.000-08:00

hmm..its been som time since i update tis blog..no choice,my modem been strike by lightnin n thanks for my bro for tat..anyway,hmm..normal week n finally i finish all my courseworks n assignments...chinese new year is comin very soon..but tis year's i jus dun seems to be so much of excitement..well,mayb im alone nw as the 1st day of chinese new year is oso valentines day..plus,jus right after the holiday im hvin exam as well so..haizz..my life r all messed up..walao eh..som1 plz come n arrange it properly plz~~~~

2010-01-17T23:37:00.000-08:00

heiya..im in college nw..mmhmm~listenin to the united state of pop 2009..nice song..i love tis remix~~hmm..yesterday i went to a party of my formal students..she's goin to taiwan soon..well,at 1st i tot it was jus a normal farewell party..but when i reach,n saw ppl givin her present n hugs n greets of happy b'day..then i was stunt..my god..it was her b'day~~n im goin there wif empty hands~~~arrhh~!!!felt so embaressed..but nvm,i'll replace my present to her..i'll choose somthin special...hmm..life r gettin blur n confusin..mind had stop functionin long time ago..guess it stop by the time where the story ends~haizz..life..come bac~~~

beautiful dreams~

2010-01-16T20:04:00.000-08:00

yesterdat i work at the restaurant..after we work then we yamcha at the mamak awhile n we decide to go to cc awhile..after tat..it was a tiring day after all..tis morning when i come bac to my own house,(p.s. everytim i got work,i'll b overnight at my fren's house)i go to my own bed n slp again..ahh..my own bed~comfortable...then i had a dream...a dream tat..makes me hate myself again...in the dream,i was quite rich..i mean richer than the me nw...my family owns like 1 bunglo..no..its 2..yea..u was around in the dream..n he as well..it was jus a normal life i have in the dream..but suddenly 1 day somthin happens n my family was jus puff into quite a topic in town..so we bcome quite famous..n u come bac..we'r jus like frens...i mean,after we break up we'r still like frens..guess in my dream i was more brave to face the reality then...after a few years later in the dream,2 kids appears..well,not ours,its his..wif another girl luckily...n in the end,guess we get bac together again..hmm..tat feelin was great like heaven..when u come bac to me...arhhh...gad damn it...it makes me miss u hell lot again...but guess...things to me had turns out to b worst...jus nw i look through ur facebook..i saw ur graduate photos...i saw ur family..i saw him..n guess..finally ur family accept wat had happens n move on..not like me..still stuck in the past..hmm..guess tats it..it proves tat..forever love its jus som kinda joke after all..guess..its ntg but a word tat we use daily like sayin ''me'' or ''u''..hmm..holy shit..emo again...argh~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

life~

2010-01-15T11:41:00.000-08:00

haizz..dunno its a good things or bad..well,kindly my tuition business had gone better..i got 2 more new students..which makes my income increase~~yay yay..but i face another problem..its so stressful to teach those 2..hv to think another way..gosh..well,jus finish my account assignment..but i still got 2 more~~die..haizz..cant really thing of a clue to solve everythin..argghh~~~~~i missed her badly again~~~aiyoyo...cham lo~~

2010-01-11T18:51:00.000-08:00

haizz...sad..feel tat not onli im lonely n cold...even my blog oso the same..walao eh..when go to other ppl's blog..all comments n chats n stuff..but seems like mine is the onli 1 which is so so so so sooooooo boring..haizz..nvm,suits my life..anyway..guess the bacteria izzit really strong enuf to beat me down..im recoverin soon..well,somthin happens in our class lately..but its consider ends nw..jus feel tat wats the meanin of love again..???nah..no answers bout it..no comments..when u get to love som1..u wont appreciate it..but when u cant..u'll onlu understnad how important n beautiful it is to have som1 bsides u..n love u..well...guess no1 will really understand it tho..the ''forever'' arent really forever nw...wat to say...humans nwadays r like monsters n devil..well,not to praise myself but at least tis lil devil here(a.k.a me..^^) still hv the angle's wings me bhind me..so means..im a good guy in the bad man face~~yay yay~~roar forever love..ARRGGHH~~~~~!!!!!!

sick~suffering~

2010-01-09T09:21:00.000-08:00

my god..wat happened to me..am i smokin too much or wat..im sick..throat pain..flue..coughin..god..its been some time since i ever come through the feelin of sickness but..i hate to fall sick..cant sick..throat's very uncomfortable..haizz...sad~

2010-01-08T10:56:00.000-08:00

2day suddenly i got a call from u..it was shock at 1st when i looked at the caller name n it appears to b urs..hmm..dunno y..after u hang up the phone..a relief feeling jus came out from my heart..nw tat u'r sick n u dun like pills,yea..even tho u dun like the taste n smell of the soluble panadol..but i still bought 1 for u n put it in ur mailbox..dunno got ppl will reliaze bout it anot but..jus hope tat u'll recover soon..hmm..mayb...或许。。或许现在的我。。虽然是很想你。。不过偶尔知道你也会想起我的时候。。也许这样就已经足够了。。至少。。我还没完全在你的心里消失。。希望你能幸福快乐。。健健康康的。。因为现在的我。。能做到的。。也只有这些了。。

2010-01-06T08:20:00.000-08:00

lookin at the clear sky..hmm..it doesnt really shows blue anymor..y..y i felt tat onli me lookin at the grey grey sky..y i felt tat im the onli 1 whos standin under the spotlight..y..i lost my direction..i lose my way..i lost everythin..

2010-01-05T08:49:00.000-08:00

year 2006,tot i lost somthin importan..at the end,guess tats jus a start for me coz i found som1 which is importan
year 2007,alot of stuff happens tis year..i nearly got into jail..the 1st time ever i felt som1 cares bout me so much..after all these years,finally my metal heart melts down for u..from tat moment..i promise tat i'll love u as much as i could..
year 2008,finally things starts to settle down alot..the importan year as im goin to take the exam..a very very big surprise for my b'day..1st time i try to go on a long trip by myself..1st time som1 worried bout me so much tat i felt im the luckiest guy in the world..1st time i noe finally its u tat im findin for..1st time i braved up myself n stand on the stage jus for u..finally im givin everythin for u..
year 2009,after all these years,guess its time to b free..but guess freedom arent a fun thing..been through alot alot of harsh time..arguements..fights..end up..everythin crush..wat im chasin for..im so confuse..i lost everythin..i lost u..everythin..i tot i had everythin..but in the end i had nth...my wisdom was blindfolded by the view in front of my eyes..i was acting crazy..end up..onli til i lost everythin when my view starts to b clear up..onli 1 thin tat im tryin my best to make it done..ur final 3 wishes for me..build up a good relationship wif my family,hope u'll never pull me down again n got a good future n hope i could understand everythin u did..
year 2010,..everythin its still myteries..but wat i noe its..i really hope tat u'r happy nw..no matter where u r or wat u'r doin nw..im still thinkin bout u..waitin for u..missin u..prayin for u..im still holdin up..n i gotta tell u..thankyou so much..coz of u..i finally grown up into a different person..coz of u,nw i learnt to look in things by different sides of views..coz of u..i finally learnt how to appreciate things..either its good or bad..i hv to accept it n try my best to turn it into the best way..coz of u..finally i noe..wat is love..hope tat u'r happy oways..hope tat u'r safe oways...hope tat u r...u r..hope u r..urself...chuah ruey ying..sorry tat i hv to say..but thankyou tat i gotta say..

home sweet home..

2010-01-02T08:40:00.000-08:00

well helloe guys~happy new yeaR~!!!jus came bac from hatyai thailand..man it was so damn fun over there..i love it so so much...well at 1st i tot thailand was still a country tat littery full of mud n bit outdated country but after tis trip..guess im lacking of alot of knowledge..thailand was so fun!!!the ppl pver there is full of imaginations..they'r brilliant!!!n not onli that..man oh man..over there is full of sexy hot pretty chicks!!!!my god..well,i could say tat im so lucky to get to know two of them..haha...n get to learnt some thai languages too..hehehe..thailand was fun..its worth it to spend ur new year over there..the way the celebrate..it was so fun..n u should see those punks..cool man~n the celebration concert~rock n roll~!!!wow~n the 1st time i get to went into a place which is -15'c..man i could say..i wan it again~!!!n guess wat..im wearin a short pants n a pair of slipers went inside..my toes are frozen~n still i get to took som pics wif two pretty girls~hehehe..lucky me~i love it..the whole journey was cool..man i jus love it..n it is also the 1st time i taste those fried insects..n i can tell u guys..it is yummy~!!!!not even bit of disgust..seriously it taste damn good...i love it since the 1st bite i got it..well..of all these excitement..i still miss the moment where i oways share these experience wif u everytim i went for a vacation..but nw...hmm..guess all those excitement still not enuf to replace the empty of my heart...happy new year??nah..jus another year of loneliness..

hmm..anyway..nw lets us start the class..class stand!!hehe..well,i learnt a few thai n im gonna teach u guys nw..
1st is bout numbers..
1=neng-------------------------------------hai mag mag=more
2=song-------------------------------------pit lam pa=chilli
3=sam -------------------------------------liao mahai=its finish nw,later
4=si -------------------------------------tiao na mahai=wait for the next turn
5=ha -------------------------------------cheaper=tok tok/tok tok noi
6=hok -------------------------------------expensive=peng peng
7=qit -------------------------------------lai mi pong ni hanai=go toilet
8=bet -------------------------------------lok gun kap=thankyou
9=giu -------------------------------------gin kau=eat
10=sip-------------------------------------lok cat di=taste nice

p.s.well,some of them might sound weird but yea..they really sound like tat..

thailand..??lonely~

2009-12-29T07:28:00.000-08:00

well..2moro im goin to thailnad..finally~but..dunno y..i tot i'll b excited..who noes..nw the feeling tat im hvin..i dun feel like goin anywhere...well..2day i went to mv to catch a movie ''avatar'' wif my frens b4 i go to thailand...after the movie,guess who i run into..her parents n a lady..(p.s i dunno who is she but dunno y my feelings like tellin me its her mum or somthin...dunno..XS..)of coz i say hi to her mum..n dad as well of coz..im not tat bad..in fact..i love her parent even tho her dad's bit serious lookin...when i say hi to her dad..he doesnt seem to hv any reaction n i tot mayb its jus me bein sensitive..after i passed by them..1 of my fren told me tat he over heard her dad ask who is tat guy..well..when i heard bout it..i felt so dissapointed..i mean..yea,i noe tat even when im wif her,her dad jus doesnt seem to recognize me either but..dunno y i jus hv 1 feelin..am i really tat easy to bein 4gotten..mayb tats y she 4got bout our love as well..mayb i am really tat easy to be 4gotten...hmm..im gonna spend the end of tis year in thailnad..remember every year when its the time to step into a whole new year..we'll call each other n wish each other..yea..even tho in the end..it'll b a little fight goin on..but i still miss n hope tat time will come again..at least..at least i noe tat she loves me..2moro im goin to thailand..but..i really hope she'll miss me like the time when i went to redang island..tat was more fun n memorable compare wif tis nw..nw all i feel was lonely..its ntg fun at all...i miss the time she cares bout me..i miss the time she missed me..i miss the time when she told me she was worried bout me when the's a small earthquake happens...i..i really miss her to b bsides me...honestly..i miss u,baby...

dream and reality..

2009-12-27T19:56:00.000-08:00

jus woke up...man,i had som bad dreams yesterday night..i mean not like those creepy bad dreams..but bad dream as in..its kinda hurt...i dreamt bout u..in the dream,we go bac to the scl time where we get to sit 2gether..play 2gether n hv funs...in the dream,i got kisses from u...even tho its jus on my face..but the feeling was so..so real..so real til it reminds me tat u've oreadi left..all i got was jus dream...i dunno y...but i still love u so so much...i jus cant held it...y...y do u left..y cant u stay..y all i hv is jus dream..not reality..i jus hope to hug u..touch ur face...hold ur hand...love u...but all i can get is jus in my dream...ntg but dreams...i cant hear ur laughter..no love...no ntg but a lonely freak...

merry christmas~!!!!

2009-12-24T10:36:00.000-08:00

well,jus come bac from the christmas party at a church...tis party really get me high up..i mean..its so so so different..ppl in there r like so friendly..no matter who u r..as long as they meet u,they'll jus say hi n talk to u..my god..they dance..sing..act..yea..they hv some drama goin on..but 1 thing i dun really like is..they keep saying tat how good is jesus n keep ask us to blive..well,i din say tat i dun blive..jus tat..i enjoy the party part more..^^..well,its quite fun actually..hmm..after X'mas,the time where im goin to thailand is gettin nearer...cant wait til tat time..so fun~~~^^merry christmas every1~~n a happy new year!!!!wowowowow~~~~

2009-12-20T21:15:00.000-08:00

boring~~~so damn boring...dunno wats the purpose of writing anymor...no1 come in n visit...no more laughter..no ntg...haizz...still dunno y things will happen til like tis...god..cant u jus give me a little bit of sign??haizz...i still miss u so much...but..where r u nw...

lets get MARRIED~~~~

2009-12-18T11:35:00.000-08:00

well,jus come bac from mamak stall wif my bloved best frens...well,wat i can say is..tis week..really is a quite surprising week...saw titty...nearly been robe again..n nw..here comes a really big 1...1 of my best fren is goin to get married on next year january 28th...haha..well,u guys can guess..but he's jus 1 year older than me...haizz...nvm..at least tis is the 1st time fren around me gettin married..bit excited tho...coz im gonna b the baby's god father...yea..''god father''...the word..u guys can oreadi guess wat happen...well..ntg much to say bout it..jus hope they can really b 2gether 4ever..at least jus 4 the kid sick..^^hmm..when i heard bout the news..it reminds me of us...we used to sign n engaged...yea...n we promised to get married when we r 28...remember..?i promise to wash all dishes,cook,n wash the toilet..n u...wash the clothes which u dun hv to coz there's somthin call washing machine,n mop the floor..hmm..funny ha...hmm...nvm...let me jus enjoy tis weddin of his..at least i think it'll b able to replace som of my wishes of gettin married wif u when i see both of them happily 2gether ever after...

finally..HOLIDAY~~!!!!

2009-12-16T20:05:00.000-08:00

Finally,scl holidays started..n finally i pass up my econ assignment..lucky the lecturer din band my assignment..it was like 3k somthin words which he only wan 2k..hu..n finally i got my passport done..well..there was somthin happened tat day..it was 7 o'clock in the morning when me,my dad,sis n grandma reach there..we hv to renew my grandma's passort so tat she can cont stay in singpapore wif my uncle whereby me n sis hv to renew oso soz we r goin to thailand to countdown tis year~yay yay!!so happy..its time go out of land bsides than singapore..so excited..well,tats not the point..u noe wat i saw tat day..there was a piar of women,(i think..coz they look like a gua..)nvm..n u noe wat..one of them..din wear bra..jus wear a T-shirt...i mean..well..its ok la..if there's nth happen..coz nw my mind is quite open...(as if..haha!!)n while i was waitin to pay my bills,she was sitting there as well..waitin 4 her turn..n nw its the excited part..her..tits...i can see..so damn fuckin clear~!!!!!i mean..she mus b get excited or wat..it was like..my fucking god!!!!wat the fuck..come on...there was like so damn fucking many ppl...n u'r little titty is like so fucking obvious!!!do u mind..???there r kids around man..come on....n somemor its malay..yea right..suci kononnya...==....my god...if she's a pretty girl..then..acceptable..no..she is...not to say very very very ugly..but still..minus 2 very...haizz...nvm...n yesterday...i nearly got my hp being steal again...it was after scl..while i was waitin 4 the bus..when it came..i jus walk slowly to the station..it stop jus right in front of me..lucky~!!but when i look around..my god ppl r rushin..runnin at my position...nvm..its ok if im not the 1st to got up in the bus..b4 the bus open the door,an aunty suddenly turn bhind n point at me..i was like o.O..wat...wats wrong..but suddenly my feelings told me somthin happen..yea..i felt somthin move in my pocket..quickly i put my hand n press on my hp...tat time my hand was holdin my metal bottel as well...n when i turn around..i saw a malay guy...well dressed up..ha..yea..malay AGAIN!!!!SUCINYA~~~~!!!!tat time i was so fucking pissed n i wan to hit him wif my fist plus metal bottel(if he gets it..he'll cry man..i've been trainin n working out alot lately..)but when i wanna lift up my hand..guess wat..the bus door open..n those fuckin aunty start to push push push push.i mean..wat the fuck...the bus wont run away right...damn it...n tat guy run away..==..yiesh..haizz..tot i could hit som1 yesterday..but nvm..at least i still got my hp...tis is the last thing i had which common wif u...hmm..if i lost it..seriously..i lost everythin of our memories...i missed u so so much baby...tats y...start from nw on..my hp will b so so so precious...no1 can come near it..if not...prepare to taste my fist...hahaha!!!!nw gettin ready to go thailand..yay yay..thailand..here i come~!!!!

2009-12-10T17:04:00.000-08:00

hmm...lookin at my life nw..i dunno wat word should i use to discribe bout it..miserable..??pathetic?ha..frens around are partnerin up...X'mas comin..still remember the promise we made to each other in tis year's X'mas?i bet u oreadi 4got bout it..after all..tis year's Xmas u'r either gonna celebrate wif him or u'r on duty..we suppose to b flyin together as promise..but sorry i cant do it..we use to promise each other tat we'll stay together til long...but sorry again coz i hvv to leave nw..im so sorry tat every these things happen..im so sorry tat i cant really do wat i promised u all along...im so so sorry..but there's one thing i'll oways put in my heart..n i guess this is the onli thing i'll do it as i promise..i love u,ruey ying til forever n eternity...looking at the star on the dark black sky..i'll oways remember the way u use to love me b4...the story bout us...the love between us...

2009-12-06T21:21:00.001-08:00

it has been quite some time ever since i updated my blog...well..guess my life din turn out to be better..hmm..tis month im not gonna work as a tuition teacher yet coz all my classes will onli b startin on january..even tho tis may give me som freetim to rest but...hmm..seems like the free time tat i have jus gav me the feelin of emptiness...i cant control my mind of stop thinking of u..i still love u so much...every single song i hear..every single stuff i do..y...y my hands still shiverrin when i think bac tat u could jus hold my hand nw...everytim i hav to jus close my eyes...cover my face n cry to stop...sad..lonely its not the most frightenin things to me..but the thing i scared the most is u left..wat is love..listen,obligate,valued n excuse...but it seems tat these 4 words turn bac round btween us..both of us din hv a chance to listen to each other..obligate...but looks like stuff tat we did for each others cant b seen by us..we learn to valued each other..but the valued seems to b over tat it makes us suffer...we hv a lot of excuse to love each other...but the onli single excuse for us to leave seems to win all the excuses of love...i hate tat our love hav bcome a memories to us...i hate tat i cant b able to love u anymor...i use to feel so wonderful coz every single timei look at ur eyes..i felt so blessed coz i see the love light in ur eyes n the wonder of it all is tat u jus dun realise how much i love u...i oways wish to hug u so so tight...i oways hope to spend every single precious moment wif u...there no word for me to tell how much i love u...not even eternity can b represent...

2009-11-29T01:10:00.000-08:00

hmm...jus come bac from hometown..my grandma gonna stay wif us for somtims to redo her passport...well..today was quite a day..i mean my beloved student..she went to ulu langat alone..by lrt n by taxi..my god..was worry of her..i mean..a girl..go so so far to jus meet her bf n apologize..haizz..hope tat guy will appreciate her...but her courage touched me..she reminds me of those crazy stuff i did..the courage i have when i was wif u..the bicycle..club..scl...hmm...girl..i missed u so much...hope everythin will get better...

2009-11-27T00:34:00.000-08:00

every single touchin moment..there will b somthin..somthin which link ur heart together wif the scence..every single sad momnet..there will oways b somthin..somthin which caught ur heart n pull it down..n every single memories...there will oways b somthin..somthin which jus stay in ur mind..n jus live there selfishly without noticin u...but coz of tat selfishness...it makes it more perfectly memorable...

2009-11-26T20:42:00.000-08:00

wat is bout life..after all..wats the reason we humans live in the earth..wat the reason of our life...a question i oways ask myself...oways tryin my best to find the answer..love..intelligent..faith...elligant..l.i.f.e....tats the 4 reason ppl livin nwadays..but tats not y im livin nw...im still findin 4 the reason..try to smoke..try to drink..try to life like how ppl do..but i found out tat..those r not my style..wat is my style..i dunno..wat i noe is..im still tryin very very hard to live..its very sufferin..very lonely of bein alone..but cant held to stop..once i stop..it'll b a big big distance btween the world n me...

news

2009-11-25T07:06:00.000-08:00

well..dunno wats wrong wif the life lately..is it tat coz of my bad luck startin to spread around or wat..people around me keep on hvin problems...haizz..dunno wat to do actually..jus hope tat they will b happy n been thro every single problems..dun like me..no matter how long i took..im still standin at the same place..time never stops moving..so y do u...but if u asked me bac tis question..i....i dunno..mayb..tis time i really did kept my promise to love her eternity..i jus...love her..

relief..

2009-11-23T23:24:00.000-08:00

finally..yesterday was my 1st batch of form 5 students went for spm math exam..hmm..quite worry bout their results tho..but i know they oreadi try their best in it...jus pray tat they din did any silly mistakes..hmm...lately still keep thinkin of u...yup..your family had gone bac to miri...remember the time b4..every end of the year..even tho its holiday..but we wont b meetin each other coz u hv to go bac to miri..last year was the last year i wish u good luck on the way to miri..still remember u went to work at ur uncle's shop..how worry i was...silly...hmm..somtims i wander.wat am i doin..y cant i jus appreciate somthin when i hv it..but somtims i jus confuse y cant i jus find every single solution for every single question...i feel so dissapointed bout my life...start to seein things in grey colour...hv no joy...no sadness..the deepest sorrow in the heart...i dunno wat to do anymor..jus..i lost the colourful life i used to have b4...nw..everything jus twisted bac to grey again...again the lonely me...

2012

2009-11-20T11:09:00.000-08:00

today i went to midvally n watched the movie ''2012''..for the movie..of wat i can say is...nice..awesome..but it did scares me..i mean..every1's talking bout the end of the world..wat if it really happens in the year 2012..i mean we still hv like 2 more years..wat if tat time really happen stuff like tat in the movie or even worst..i dunno where to find a plane n i cant even fly it even if i found it..but if it really happens..the 1st thing im gonna do is find u..i jus wanna get u n run as fast as i could..i jus wanna make sure tat u'r safe even if i cant do anythin..but i'll jus run...run as fast as i could..to keep u safe at least..hmm..sadly..these days im still keep thinkin of u...funny huh...after such a long time..hmm..mayb u've 4got bout me..mayb u had thrown tat feelin far away..bt im still holdin it..jus holdin it...

2009-11-12T11:32:00.000-08:00

a normal life...normal activities...no surprises..no nth...haizz..life lately is jus too normal..yea..mayb after been through some serious chaos..hmm...dun feel like carin bout anythin so much lately...thoughts hv bcome so negative jus incase anythin happen..at least im ready to protect myself...but no matter wat..i still cant change wat had oreadi happened...i hate it every time when i think bout it..i mean..y..when theres a path tat u can jus walk..but u dun take it...u think tat the path u'r walkin nw will b good enuf to train u...no way man..snap out of it...it doesnt even helps at all..hmm..but nvm...cant care so much nw..cant do anythin..pray inside my heart as god wont helps bsides than im the 1 who's helpin myself...changin every single dreams into reality is jus fakes...but changin every thing into thoughts..tats wat im suppose to do nw...the last love hv sent to u but u took it n throw it away...the heart is broken enuf n its time to pick up n stick it bac..its time..for me to stand up...

2009-11-11T21:04:00.000-08:00

hmm..i was surprise by ur sudden call yesterday..n im even more surprise tat u'r jus near by my shop...u sound like there's spmthin troublin u...when u sound confuse in the phone whether to tell me bout it anot..my heart pounds...i was afraid tat somthin had happened to u...dunno y..til nw..i still cant control myself not to care bout u...after the whole chattin in macdonald..u said tat he's not happy n ask me to fetch u home straight...i dunno..yea..i might b a very tight mouth but...how do u aspect me to keep such a big secret...i mean..u r stayin in his house dude...!!!wat will ur parents react if somthin happen..???i was thought tat im jus illusionin as i oways feel tat u'r jus around...even tho u told me tat u'r stayin in nilai...but after yesterday..i noe i wasnt wrong...i noe u oreadi used to the ''got people care'' life style..u oreadi used to it whenever u nid somthin..its oreadi prepared for u..but..it hurts the most when everytim i think bac the facial expression of ur mom...she so hope tat u can b independant out there..she thinks tat tis is a chance for u to grow..but..i dunno...another word..yea..iif u wan tat kind of life..for wat u left..???me n ur family..for wat..???u din even grow at all...yes im still in love wif u but..sorry to tell u tat i guess im much more better than u nw...much much more..u'r way too bac girl...wats wrong wif u..wat the reason which hold u bac like tis...its not u..its seriously not u...like i said..its not tat u dun like tat i noe everything tat u wanna say..but u hate it coz u cant hide anythin from me as i really noe everythin..from the moment i see ur eyes...listen to ur voice...i oreadi can noe...there is no way u can hide from me..its jus hurt me more n more when everytim i noe tat u'r surfurin but u dun let me to help u...i dunno y u left..i dunno y u choose him..i dunno y u hv to continue like tis...shit thing..wake up god damn it...for god sake wake up n open up ur eyes...is tis wat u wan..dun tell me the answer through ur mouth..u tell urself through ur heart...!!!its not onli u make me so dissapointed...even ur parents will feel so if they noe it..its not bout him..its bout u...y do u hv to force urself been through all tis..u think by tis u'll learn to b strong..??u think by tis u'll b independant or wat..???u think it looks cool or wat..??there's still som space ffor u to turn bac so do it nw b4 its too late..make ur decisions...where r u CHUAH RUEY YING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!